Woah Tuesday, back off. I'm not feeling well right now at all. I slept kind of restlessly and had a much to familiar nightmare last night. It's been recurring every so often and I have never had a nightmare make me wake up screaming. I've had others where I struggle in my sleep and curl around once awoken. ERgh. The rest of the day was fine and I'm so exhausted I am feeling another very early bed time. I've mentioned this small issue before but I'm on a three month birthcontrol pack leaving me with one period every three months. That is not to say I'm on a period but I'm having bad back aches right now and cramps. Ugh. Complain complain. That's okay. I'll sleep early and try to ease my mind of the nightmares from before. The floor I was covering today had a whopping three people to start but progressively more (that we got consults for) towards the afternoon. I saw more patients in the ICU and progressive floor and the day went on like it normally does. I did many educations today and then I went to the gym, did some hard cardio and finished up at home with Ab ripper x. I'm curled up with my pink sweatpants, comfy sweatshirt and mexican blanket and I am pooped. Today I had a moment at the hospital when I leaned by the window and stared at the beautiful sunrise letting me know that today was awakening and that it is still serene, that things are still moving and that my heart is still beating. I've been moved to tears lately at the hospital as I'm surrounded by patients who are reaching their ends and it's tragically sad how life spins on and we lose people and gain people and lose people and gain people. Just give me your hand and I'll hold it say's the lyrics of the song on a loop today. It makes me think of the gesture of holding a hand. It's comfort, it's reassurance, it's goofy, it's fun, it's strength and it's more than just holding. I held a patient's hand today. I held my cats paw last night while she snuggled against the curve of my body. I've held and been held. My hope is that we all have. We all need that every so often and even when we don't need it I hope we get it. I hope we need it and I hope we get what we deserve. Everyone deserves to be held. Hold someone soon or be held soon. Tell me it didn't comfort you :) don't forget to admit when you're tired and don't forget that it's a strength to say you struggle. I struggle and I'll never fault myself if I need a moment of weakness. Well, I'm rather exhausted and need to put dishes away, pack for the day tomorrow and get under the covers. Holding, J.
No comments:
Post a Comment