A farewell

Hello, Hello?

Messy Jessi here. Did you miss me? I've really missed writing in this blog every day but its journey needed to come to a stop.

This summer hasn't been the easiest of summers. Call it the let down after studying my butt off for the RD exam, the immediate change in living on my own and moving back home (thanks mom and dad!), the long days as an intern to the long summer sun days (that's not so bad!)...call it whatever you want. The end of my summer picked up as I went on a road trip with my gal Sam Thorpe. The mountains we climbed, physically and metaphorically, brought me to a halt. At the top of a mountain (or five) my mind would blank out and all I could do was stare in a haze at the earth around me. It was beautiful. My life is beautiful and it reminded me of my made up phrase at the beginning of the internship, you have to choose to keep on living.

I'm still working on finding inward peace and tranquility. I've enjoyed a relaxing summer at home and now we're approaching Autumn, another time when I feel nostalgic for the past...when don't I? I've got a sun kissed glow and I'm ready for apple cider, fall colors and crisp Autumn air. I'm still messy, scattered, goofy, spirited and strong but Messy Jessi's journey is now taking a different course of direction.

I'm very excited to announce to you all that with this blog ending, a new and improved blog/website has been created. My sister Kelsey helped me with all of the design work and I must say, it looks great!! I told you months ago that I would start one once I obtained my license as a Registered Dietitian and here it is... (Obligatory drumroll)...

www.Tastytabletopics.com

I'll let you venture around, leave comments or suggestions, email me and be apart of it from there.

I do hope you'll be apart of my new journey. I'm glad you've been apart of this one and I'm thankful for the readers who reached out to me and even the ones who didn't. You've made 2013 better than I thought possible. I wish you all the best in your own stories and I'll see you at the table.

Love..Always and forever,

J

Ch9: Juice, Coffee, or Tea

There's been a gap in between my posts as of late. There are a couple of reasons for that and they're quite simple and extremely convoluted at the same time. I've been trying to focus on studying and it's getting harder as I'm in the biochemistry section and that never really was my strong suit. I've been packing and moving things out of my apartment and while I filled my car to the max today there is still a large load of mostly furniture to take home. That's WITH cutting my items not necessarily in half but I have made more goodwill donations in the last few weeks than I have in a long time. It feels good to get rid of things that I just don't need and old papers and garbage that's weighing my life down.

yes, yes. It sounds SOO dramatic but whatever. I felt like I was suffocating a bit and sometimes I still feel like all of my old binders and note cards are going to creep up and smother me, but for now they seem to be safely locked up in old dresser drawers. Guess I really need to have a big bonfire in the near future.

Hyperbole and a half came back recently. Her new post that I keep seeing links to on Facebook brought me to tears and it would have brought me to my knees had I been standing. Mind you, I've mentioned before that I'm a crier but this post really hit spots that I didn't know I still had sticking out ready for arrows. She writes so charismatically and with such honesty and humor that it's hard to describe all of the feelings the post gave me. I don't know what a "reply" would be because there are many people commenting on her newest (and quite hilariously sad) post...and I'm left without words. I don't want to say and I know exactly why it's just hard to express.

I talk about fighting, having hope, finding peace...do I ever specifically say why? Not really. Or does there have to be a why? Definitely not. Quite honestly a lot of the time I don't know what I'm writing about or I don't know how to express feelings and so I try write and sometimes something awesome comes out and sometimes I look back on these little posts and think, "blah." It's weird that I can't express feelings or thoughts here clearly all the time because I can be a huge external processor, I'm doing it now. Other times, I'm an extreme introvert and most people go pfft, no you're not. I guess they don't think I am and I'm never trying to hide it but there has been some real satisfaction, safety and peace from living in my own apartment. Always having my own space to go back to and feel calm or act crazy to feel calm.

Again, external processing. Sometimes it's not my favorite quality about myself but I'm not about changing my qualities. I'm also happy to announce that a larger portion of why I've neglected writing in this blog as of late is because I am hitting the ground running with my upcoming blog....nope not telling you the title but I really think it's going to go somewhere. I'm going to make it go somewhere. I promise in that blog, however, most of the posts will be much shorter as this has been much more of a ramble blog. I'll call it a blamble. That's it. It's my blamble and if you've taken the time to read all of this you must like my blambling. At least enough to read through.

I loved (here I go changing subjects, yeesh) the part of Hyperbole's post about trying to make your face look appropriate to the conversation. I've experienced this too many times and sometimes my own attempts make me shake my head later and think what the hell?

Anywho. This post is now getting to my length where I'm thinking...much, much too long (though I think I hit that mark some 500 words ago). I like the Hyperbole (Allie) is giving people such an intimate look at her life and it's truly only a small nut of it. I don't know where to write from here. Like I said, I don't have words but when I find them...I'll take that juice and I'll lay them out. Until the glass is full, J.

Ch9: My favorite stories

Question #3 that all 20 somethings should ask themselves: "What are my favorite stories? What are your top three movies? Is there a common thread that runs through each story? If you want to see what matters most to you, look at the stories that resonate the closest."

So I'll go with their asking of what are my top three movies? Garden State, Muppet Treasure Island and Moonrise Kingdom.

Garden State: So much about this movie resonates close. When Sam wants to do one thing in the world that no one else has done and she makes this weird sound mixed with a movement because no one's ever done her individual sound. I know it's silly. This story is full of love and adventure and weirdness. "I know it hurts. That's life. If nothing else, It's life. It's real, and sometimes it fuckin' hurts, but it's sort of all we have." I love that quote, but looking at this movie's plot I don't think that my life is like theirs but there are some definite pieces of this movie (like the big movement at the end) that really hit close to home.

Muppet Treasure Island: Uh...well I do love adventure! I seek pretty things and change and I sing to my life like Jim does in the movie. I also am slightly in love with Tim Curry.

Moonrise Kingdom: Young love. Elegant and simplistic. No questions, no second guesses, no uncertainty other than their future jobs...just young love and again adventure. Some of my favorite quotes from this are "I love you but you don't know what you're talking about," "That's a loaded question," "It's been proven by history: all mankind makes mistakes," and "We're in love, we just want to be together, what's wrong with that?" I'm a quoter or lover of quotes.

I do want to write more about these but I have a cover letter to finish. I suppose these are just a top three and main themes or things that matter most to me are taking risks, going on adventures and love. That sounds about right :) I like this. Until then, I think you've still got some lightening in you. -J

Ch9: And then I got a sunburn

Usually these stories end in, "and then I found five dollars." Not the case. What a long weekend. Albeit it didn't go according to plans but I'm so glad that my car broke down in Mount Pleasant and I had friends on standby ready to pick me up and help me out at a moment's notice. So the scoop. In short, I made it to Mount Pleasant and I was at a stoplight when I heard a large pop sound. I started to drive after the light turned green and a car behind me started honking and a runner near me started waving his arms and I looked back and saw smoke. Adrenaline came in quickly and I pulled into the next driveway I could. Haha this sounds so dramatic! I was nervous my car was going to set on fire but alas it was brake problems and the smoke eventually stopped. After waiting for the tow truck and sitting outside a little longer...I got a bad sunburn lol. We all just had to laugh about my day later. Sometimes laughter is the only way to make it through. It honestly was a really fun weekend but I'm glad to have finally made it home for a bit. I don't know if the guy at Las Senorita could tell it was a rough Friday but at least I got a free margarita out of the deal. Thank you again to Rachell and Christian for giving me places to stay and cable to watch along with netflix, laughter, porch talks, late nights, a comfy couch...all of the above. It was their weekend before exams and I'm so glad I got to spend it with them. Thank you to their roommates for also housing me :)

Moving forward. Or trying. I started looking at jobs again and honestly just didn't feel like searching but I did. I just want to study for the exam and I want to know where I'm going. If anyone has suggestions for a car that I'm going to buy, like a new one and not a previously owned, I appreciate suggestions :) Currently, there are a few types I'm looking at but if you don't know this about me I'm not super duper car savvy. So help a sister out.

That's a big move. Buying a car. Moving to a new location and I don't know where I'm going exactly. There are areas I'd like to be in (cough Grand Rapids) but there's no guarantees. I have no idea where to go and what to do. That's kind of funny huh? I'm a grad student and guess what? I still don't know what I'm doing all the time. That's cool though, I think we're all in the same ocean no matter what boat we're in.

So. Moving. Car shopping. Job searching. Leaps of faith.

"Sometimes the only available form of transport is a leap of faith." Sam sent this to me and it happened to be after a workout that was much needed and it just made me tear up :) There have been a lot of feelings being felt this last week and weekend and now that I'm home they're spilling over. It's okay but seeing that quote gave me some strength that I really needed and it also restored some faith that I am still deciding what to do with. What do you really need in life right now? Have you thought about it lately? I have. I know what I want (well kind of) and I know what I think I need and what I want to need and what I need to want. Welp. I will continue hopefully tomorrow with the 20 something's question list as they were good writing prompts. Until then. If the only transport is leaps of faith, I hope you'll leap with me. -J

Ch9: 20 Somethings Question Two

Question #2: Who inspires me the most?

Answer: Well, it's certainly not that my family and closest friends don't inspire. They inspire me daily. They motivate me and they trust me and as far as I'm concerned they're the best there is. I'm going to answer this one with characters/people who are yeah more celebrity like but whatevs. Here goes.

Jillian Michaels - Okay who saw that one coming? I know a few of you did. I've read her story and background multiple times in books and magazines, I love (most) of her podcasts and her workouts / training strategy just gets into me better than other ones. She inspires me to never settle for second best and to always go for first. She reminds me not to let what's happening inside play into what's happening on the outside. She inspires me to do things NOW. "Now, now, NOW" she screams in one of her videos. If not now, when? See what I did there? So. She inspires me.

Movies - That's not really a "who" but certain movies like Perks of Being a Wallflower, CenterStage, Moonrise Kingdom, Hunger Games (eh, book was better), Harry Potter, Garden State and so many others in my opinion are part of what's shaped me into who I am today. Is that goofy? Maybe? I don't care, it's the truth. When I'm watching movies sometimes I get so into them and they get so into my head they make me feel like my thoughts are going to burst with imagination, hope, wonder, excitement, all of the above! I love having my imagination and I love that during both half marathons I wore my Hunger Games Mockingjay pin I got as a gift not to long ago. It stays with me and I really don't care how dorky it is. When running in those half's, I thought a few times...katniss ran without water nd people were hunting her down to kill her, you can keep running. Haha. Anywho so that's that :)

Nature - It inspires me to breathe and seek new opportunities whenever possible. At the beginning of the year (School year) I wrote a note to myself to say "yes" to more. To not just stay in my apartment but rather say yes to trying new things, going on random trips, and moving. It's been a great change of pace and though I feel like I'm usually a "yes" sayer, it's been a different kind of movement this internship year. Sometimes saying yes hasn't been the best choice, but I said yes and I went forth and moved from there.

Reading about Writing about Food: About about about...lol It has been so exciting for me to have time to read each day..even if it's just a chapter here or there. I've been reading about Food Writing and how to break into the business. I'm so excited for my stack of 7 odd food writing/food related/food psychology books to read that I may stop typing up this post now just to go squeeze some more quality book time in. They have inspired me to learn more about Food writing and to take my professional career on a road that I never saw before.

That's all she wrote, for now. Daily life inspires me, sometimes saddens me, sometimes angers me. It all depends on the perspective you take every single day in every single moment. Get inspired, J.

Ch9: The questions for all 20-somethings

Don't worry I'm not answering them all right now, here is the link to go to the site yourself with the questions. Samantha sent them to me recently and I think they are questions worthy of answering during my ripe age of 22. I'll only answer one per post but these definitely provide at least some spice to this robot writing style I feel like I've had for the last couple of days.

Question 1: Do the people I'm surrounded by bring me life?

Answer: Mostly. I have definitely had my trials and errors with people and friends going way back to Middle school and High school. There are certain friendships, with girls or guys, that I have needed to ask myself, "Why?" I know, I know. It sounds cruel but if, as the prompt/question states, leaving hanging out with your friends leaves you feeling anxious, there's a problem. Friendships should not bring on anxiety, yes they all have their bumps and sometimes you need to evaluate yourself in the situation but in general your friends should bring you happiness and good cheer, real advice, honesty and trust. All of those things tie into being a good person and a good friend. This is a harder question for me to ask myself right now because in all honesty there are a select few friends in my life that know me. They know who I am, they understand where I'm at and they fuel my future if you will. I have many facebook friends that I care for but we are not close to the point where we text or call or skype and that's okay. They are extremely important to me as well. I guess it's good to ask yourself where toxicity is coming from and is it a friend? Sometimes you don't even know it until you ask yourself this question or until you are asked about it by other people/friends. No, this doesn't mean I'm deleting anyone in my facebook world just because we're not as close and they don't know the intimate parts of my life. But this does mean that those who are my friends, know it and the ones that I know are not true friends, well, I know it. Make any sense? Please dont' go analyzing my writing in this prompt and wonder "Is it me she's talking about" "Am I her good friend" "I THOGUHT WE WERE FRIENDS BLAH BLAH BLAh" C'mon. I'm just writing in a general fashion and think that yes, in my twenties and probably throughout life, I should surround myself with people who bring me life. Sometimes even those who don't surround me bring me life. Take it to heart, friends, I love you all very much. -J

Ch9: There's something greater

It's something bigger than the "why" for our existence. It's greater than energy and force. It's heavier. It's because of love. It's not the why. It's not the how or who, what, where and when. It's bigger and it's because of love.

Watch:

Check out this video and see what you think. I think I've said it before but my life is...or everything that I am, I am only because I love. I don't like the title being, "your homework is to watch this and not cry," No. Cry if you want to. But your homework is to care. Love, J.