Ch6:Pg9: Reconciliation

It's good to not be delusional. In this moment I am not great and I feel somewhat weak. It's okay to praise your own strengths and it's okay to admit fear and small defeats. I have a migraine headache so I'll keep this short. In terms of training and internship today, both were splendid. A 5:30 AM workout, a grand time with Rachael RD in Mount Pleasant (even when we watched and learned (well I learned) about babys born with withdrawals from drugs like heroine). I forgot how fucking delicious Cabin Pizza was and how wonderful coldstone can be (especially banana bread frozen yogurt flavor there)...SO good, and so glad Rachell and I got to enjoy these. However, this headache is taking over and I'm down for the count. Spread the word, my strongest castles have cracks, J

Ch6:Pg8: Sloppy and Dirty

‎ "There’s always gonna be a part of me that’s sloppy and dirty, but I like that, with all the other parts of myself. Can you say the same about yourself?" What is something sloppy about me? Hmm, sometimes I'll be all sweaty after I work out and I'd rather go to bed "dirty" than clean. I pick at scabs though I was always scolded about it. Sometimes I don't write here to be grammatical or sound inquisitive or perfect or whatever. See? I list things and I can guarantee that a lot of my entries here are my thoughts in my head and you're reading them as they came out of my brain on onto the computer. Some of you know this about me and know how I talk and operate in circles sometimes. Circles, now there's something on my mind. Things that come around time and time again like a slow merry go round that you know is coming up to its full loop soon. Moving on, I've actually maintained my apartment at a clutter free level this week. Today we had the CMU delay which turned into an entire day off for us. Will I get a full week at this rotation next week? We'll see. Prepping for the preparation of the RD exam...ugh. It makes me nervous and overwhelmed but that's because I haven't begun to hit the books hard. I'm looking forward to passing this (I am determined) on my first try hopefully by the end of May. Study and take it, I say. I'm all signed up for grad classes and have made an academic plan for how my classes will be laid out. Other than that I gave in at 3 miles during my what was supposed to be 5 mile run this evening. I think doing Jillian's Killer Abs video made me more tired and I was hungry and was getting that cold awful clammy feeling! Anywho, I can do five on Friday instead. I don't have much to add to this post today, my heat is back on in my apartment which I'm very thankful for. Last night I slept without really sleeping so I'm pretty beat. I've written and re-written this ending to my blog too many times and now I'm frustrated by it. I guess this ending is sloppy and I guess that's appropriate. Don't mind me as I slip into a reverie, J.

Ch6:Pg7: Please choose

Today flew by for me much like yesterday! I woke up early and made my way to Harrison which was a 45 minute drive from my current home. It was a lengthier ride but easy breezy with little to no traffic. I met with Kristina R.D there and we went off around to Clare for a home visit. We had an office visit following that which made the whole morning go by really fast. Kristina was nice and easy going and after our last attempt at a home visit that afternoon which I think in total took over an hour to try and find and then come up short and then to return..lol Oh well, we relate for a good number of reasons as she too was an RA. I've felt privileged that I have met so many different RD's throughout this internship and get along really well with all of them. We have good conversations, there aren't awkward silences really and I have enjoyed the variety of skills and knowledge I've learned from all of them. As Kristina and I shared stories as RA's I had a smile on my face that was hard to shake. Yes, it's true..I miss my time as an RA and all that went along with it. I'm happy to be away from that time and have my own apartment but I've realized that "RA" Jessi hasn't really gone anywhere. The jobs I'm searching for, the plans I have for my future RD blog/site, the ways I make nutrition important to myself and others is going to involve so much of what I learned about myself while being an RA. Which leads me to my future tattoo that will be happening in good time. I've mentioned it before and here will mention it again. "You have to choose to keep on living." Quitting has never been an option for me. Well, yes it has been there but even if you slip, fall, stumble you have to continue to push. It seems like that is one of the major themes of this blog with me and I think that is because I have been facing adversity and difficulties I never saw coming and some I did. Things that have tried to take away my spirit and hope and things that I have refused to control me. It's a struggle sometimes and I am fighting hard. But another favorite quote of mine is from one of my heroes, Jillian Michaels.."Why are you settling for second place, when you could have first?" Of course she might be saying this with an uber amount of passion or rage depending on who she's working with...but it resonates in my mind and I promise to always choose first. It doesn't mean I win everything lol, I'm a frequent loser at games...it doesn't mean people won't be smarter than me but it does me I will always continue to be the best me I can be...I wish the same for you and you and you and you. Hmm, I sound all inspirational tonight. I hope I've at least made you smile and have inspired you in some small way. You have to choose to keep on living. And that is my choice and I choose to have faith where I have placed it. Your patient fighter, J.

Ch6:Pg6: What Knockers!

Boobs. Breasts. Bosom. Chest. Whatever you want to call them, I have learned more than I ever thought I would about my own and the average breast than I ever knew I would. Honestly, guys? I get it. They're cool and sexy or whatever but on a more serious note they're amazing. I have learned a lot about nursing and all that goes on chemically, systematically, emotionally and physically about it. It's truly fascinating and I hope to someday hold my own Certification in Lactation Counseling. I think that would be incredible. It's nature's way and I find it to be the best way to feed baby (if the mother is able of course). Aside from that, I hope you know what movie I referenced in my title tonight. If not, you're missing out. A couple of things have finally clicked like an EASY fix for once for my mouth sores, thank you lab and blood tests. I still enjoy not having cable, meaning no I did not watch the Oscars last night. Grad school classes for the summer have been announced and I can sign up in the next few days here. A job opportunity has possibly come up that I might be able to apply for. Summer / Fall housing / location may be happening very soon and if that all fell into place, well that would be just cool. I also had a good day at WIC today with Rachael, R.D. We had a back to back full morning, I enjoyed my parsnip soup, I got to hold and see kids all day, I "educated" my first client and just hung out. It made the day go by very quickly, my 6 mile run felt great and I don't know how time got sucked away from me but before I knew it, it was past 7 and I hadn't ate any dinner yet. So after chowing that down I write to you all, finish some worksheets and work for the virtual internship...and that's all folks. Babies are pretty neat and I look forward to being a mother one day. A final, final note..I am in admiration of the score for Perks of Being a Wallflower. This movie, when I first saw it, really moved me and unsettled me as well for a number of reasons. The score however, has also moved me but made me feel calm and sad and happy and hopeful and scared all at once. Sweet dreams...WHICH reminded me of my LAST note I promise. I had a terrible set of nightmares last night. Leaving my sheets soaked in sweat and my head pounding. One nightmare however, was more of a laugh now that I think of it. But I was sleeping and someone I'm not sure who was with me but we both started screaming our heads off because the Ice King Wizard man from Adventure time was there in real life, not cartoon and he wanted to freeze us. Scary stuff. Bonsoir, J

Ch6:Weekend: Demand

I really don't want Saturday to be almost over but I cannot complain as I had yesterday off and slept almost through the night last night. I ran 11 miles today which was pretty awesome and I did them in 11 minute miles which is a decent pace for being on a treadmill for just over 2 hours. I tend to sprint for the last mile so I'm ready for race day. There's something I'd like to start getting ready for, for race day. I want my friends or readers or whoever to send me a song that will either empower me, remind me of them, or one that reminds them of me. I'll make a playlist and change the song titles to their names. That way, on race day I will play the song list and check as each song changes and see who is with me for the next few minutes. I read about that on, can you guess? Pinterest of course. I didn't have a lot of thoughts running through my mind during the run. I was pretty silent and read on my kindle and casually listened to the news. I had more sweat on me and dripping off of me than ever beforeeee. Okay maybe not ever but still. I was quite sweaty when I left. My back heel had a blister from the day before and the ducktape (with bandaid underneath duh) didn't last very long. I should have wrapped it better. I tried Cliff Shot Blocks today instead of carbohydrate gels. I did like the taste and I felt like I lasted longer / had more energy than when I do the gels and gatorade. However, I'm certain I look like an idiot trying to breathe and chew and swallow these very sticky gummy blocks that made me have more saliva build up than the gels. So. That's fun. I laid around my apartment for a while after that trying to make myself eat. I had a nauseous taste in my mouth after my muscle milk which was no fun but luckily had some peppermint around. I facetimed with Andrea which was great :) and also got to skype with laura later on which was also great even though she couldn't see my face. Silly webcam. I currently have a headache and am sipping green tea as I'm trying to get in as many antioxidants as I can. Later I shall use my "Yonana" maker for the first time and I'll share how that goes later. I took a power nap which was delicious and sad upon awakening because I was in such a wonderful dream. It was one of those dreams that is more of a memory warped back into the present or future and you wake up knowing you're physically awake but keep your eyes shut so you don't forget the beautiful things you saw or felt. And that's okay. There's confusion in my life, there's two... TWO months left of this internship, future living situations are on the horizon, jobs, grad school, races, sunshine...it's all coming. There's confusion and there's mess, but it's okay. It demands to be felt. J

Ch6:Pg5: Take time

SNOW DAY. Or really bad roads day, either way I got to stay in my pajamas (after my work out) and have the whole day ahead of me to relax and work and get a grip. As the snow stopped I thought I might try to run to the store, low and behold my car is dead. After a process and a half I end up at Sears getting a new battery, lucky for me they weren't busy. I also got new windshield wipers that will be nice to test out soon. My day was spent cleaning, watching webcasts, skypings, reading, cooking, organizing and finishing folders to be turned in. I'm also getting ready to start my first posts as a virtual intern so that has been exciting too. I find myself more and more ready to start blogging as an RD instead of about my life. Let's face it I don't really give you all that many details and I suppose it's best to keep it that way. I think some of the things in my mind would shock some of you and others wouldn't find me surprising at all. I'm learning and relearning and thinking about the concept of "taking time." Sometimes I find it hard to understand and other times time gives me hope. Taking time before it's too late scares me because I'm afraid sometimes of the "too late." We should all take our time but none of us know how much time we truly have. That's the thing, we think we have time. So don't rush and don't wait too long. Don't over think but don't leap before thinking. That's just the thing, I think we have time. There have been a few moments of my life sticking out to me where time seemed to stand still. There are some that were so beautifully crafted and played out that you would think someone planned it. There are times in some people's lives that seem impossible to escape with time. Time is your friend and enemy, it has the best of both worlds. Let's fall again, okay? Timing is everything and you think you have time, J.

Ch6:Pg4: On a line

You see many things during a Public Health rotation but I really am enjoying my time with this one. Time is flying by much like it did at thePlate Boutique and I'm very excited to get started with the virtual internship there as well. Know what I saw today? A home with a "sick bunny" in a cage inside....no, seriously is that sick or is it dead? I swear it looked more like a decaying rabbit to me. Moving on. My day went well although my lunch was severely disappointing. I ventured to Qdoba and got their naked burrito..only they piled on tomatoes when I asked for none and wouldn't start a new bowl for me, the vegetables weren't stir fried the way they should have been and overall the food was mildly warm...fail. Oh well at least the beans and rice were yummy. I made a better dinner of one giant red pepper cut up, almond slices, noodles, garlic/basil sauce and goat cheese. MM MM good. Dinner came after my four mile run that was a day late and that's just fine. The run went well and I'm looking forward to (fingers crossed) running the 11 miles outside this weekend. Thank goodness tomorrow is Friday, I'm really looking forward to the weekend to do my thang and run and relax and as I mentioned before get a better grip. I am organizing a "8 weeks until the internship is over" calendar that really means 8 weeks to figure out a ton of stuff and take my time simultaneously. Putting my training, classes, meetings, rotations...all of the things on one location. That tends to work well for me. Do you have a method that works best for you? Or perhaps you don't need a method, I do. I compartmentalize things outwardly so that inwardly I manage things as well as I can. I've been trying to compartmentalize things more but this week all the boxes burst and mixed together and I get to reorganize and reorient myself to my goals and my focuses for the time being. Patience, in some regards, is truly a virtue. I award myself for having good and terrible patience. I should be off and working on my calendar and then heading to sleep land. I've got a back drip cold ish starting that needs to stop which is likely due to being around kids during the day. Folks, thanks for sticking around even when I don't post links to my fb page and I leave your Thursday night to whatever you're listening to, humming or singing along with, the silence, the thoughts, I leave you with it all. Make sure you're always saying what you mean and meaning what you say. Make sure you're careful with your words and think. This relates to many, many, many situations right now and it also relates to the viral video I posted I my wall along with many others and I wrote "Tell me it doesn't hurt more than broken bones." Bullying comes in many forms, please be careful with your words and actions everyone.

Ch6:Pg3: Baby talk

The second day of traveling to Mount Pleasant and onward to Houghton Lake left me with a couple of different thoughts. I'm learning a lot about infants, pregnancies and lactation. I fully plan to nurse my baby(ies) someday, the first milk that comes out of a woman's breast is loaded with TONS of nutrients that are so important for baby. It also has a laxative that helps get the baby's first poop out. I learned about baby poop today too. I really like working with Rachael and the car trips are fun too because we have much in common / to talk about. I enjoy car trips and especially when I can talk a lot with the person I'm driving with. Anywho, I'm learning a lot and we worked out during the first half of lunch too so who could complain? Tomorrow and Friday I'll just be working with Rachael in Mount Pleasant which is nice. I got results of some blood work back today finally and I'm still waiting on some tests to finish up. The virtual internship starts tonight with an online conference call for orientation and introductions. I'm looking forward to this starting and I'm looking forward to getting a better grip on this week...mostly looking forward to the Weekend to kick my ass back in gear. I'm sleeping well on and off, I haven't achieved some goals that I would have liked to see by now but I'm trying. I feel for once like going out to eat dinner which is weird because I haven't been in the mood to do that for a while. I have virtually 8 more weeks of the internship which is kind of amazing and scary only because I don't have a clue about what my next move will be and that's alright. I'm not worried about not knowing, I have time before my lease in Midland is up and time to unwind and figure things out. I'll be starting Grad classes this summer, yippee. Well, I'm considering starting this summer with one but I could start in the fall too. My copy of "Will Write for Food" came in the mail finally. More reading material but like I said I need to a get a grip on this week that is quickly slipping away from me. This has been a really stressful week and I'm exhausted due to a multitude of reasons including stupid periods. I don't tend to get cranky or bitchy or whatever but I do find myself more tired during these lovely times. Being around babies and hearing women's pregnancy and birthing stories does two things. One, I never want to think about my vagina ripping apart but it's too late, the story and image was planted in my mind and now yours as well. Two, I want a baby because I am learning so much more about why they call it a miracle of life and god the stuff that changes about our bodies (women, sorry guys) and the way our milk changes due to the babies age...it's incredible and amazing. I love holding and playing with infants and toddlers etc. Well, I'm staring at the pile of dishes I need to take care of and the things I should do to make my morning run smoothly and my morning run go smoothly. "C'mon, let's go be psychos together." Someday, J.

Ch6:Pg2: I really need this.

I actually started my public health rotation today and I like it more than I thought I would. I didn't really know what all to expect but I love working with kids so it's no surprise that I enjoyed my time with Rachael today. I drove in to Mount Pleasant at a much earlier time than I'm used to and then we headed to Holton Lake. I slept like poop and have kind of felt like poop today too. My sleep schedules keep changing with each new rotation which makes it challenging to keep a routine. I'm alright with the changes and the rotations themselves aren't "difficult" it's just the constant change we have to keep up with. My mouth sores, well they just suck. I got blood drawn today and got way too woozy afterwards. I just needed to collapse on my bed after I was finally home and just lay there for a beat. Just breathe and relax and try to stretch and make the cramps happening in my uterus turn down a couple notches. I know the roads are getting worse so I'm wondering what tomorrow will bring. Schmitty is very comfortable laying on the heat pad I have on me and I'm afraid to move because she's so peaceful. I loved holding and playing with the puppies back home and can't wait to see them again. Working with WIC and MIHP today made me realize more about who I am as a 22 year old compared to other women of 22. That's not a good or bad thing I'm just finding more about myself each day. It also made think about my future and the children I hope to bring into this world. I'm going to be a mom someday and I can't (and can) wait. As I've said / quoted before, "I didn't always know where I was going but I knew the woman I wanted to be." I'm still figuring out who she is going to become but I know the woman and am confidant about the woman I am choosing to be. I've also said this, "you have to choose to keep on living." You also can't run from the things you've done. You need to face them, so face it. On that note I need to sleep, sleep and sleep some more. I'm over this headache, the cramps, the sores and while i wish someone else could come do my dishes or make me food or just be with me when I'm feeling so shitty at least I am choosing to keep going and try. I have to keep going because life isn't always going to be nor is it ever truly "easy" and you have to choose to be tough. What more can you ask of me? What more are you willing to take away? Try me, J.

Ch6:Pg1: I really don't need this.

Ch6. I started today at home in Muskegon because I was told that my Public Health rotation wouldn't start today due to Presidents day being today. I ran a sloppier 5 miles due to not feeling well but none the less I ran. Monitored puppies. Cleaned the house and progressively didn't feel better. My mouth sores are having their reign on my mouth and I am entirely disheartened. It hurts to eat certain foods, it hurts to swallow right now. I was at the doctor for a long time today only to have them feel like they're taking "shots in the dark." It's not their fault, they can only do so much and we have to wait for labs up on labs upon labs results. Checking my liver, kidneys, vitamin D, folate, B12 levels..."why won't your mouth sores go away," they asked me / stated while staring at my mouth. I had a small fever. I feel it now. I don't usually pray for snow/ice/badweather days but please please please let me have a day to rest and recover tomorrow. Mentally this is exhausting. I'm concerned over one test in addition to others. I am hungry. I have to unpack from the weekend. I need more than just my cat here. Okay. End rant. The weekend had many other good things about it like getting my hair colored (woop woop! thanks mama!) and spending time with my mom and Kelsey. The ten mile run went really pretty well and I am successfully running the double digits. It made the 5 mile run seem like nothing. My mom grabbed groceries for me today which was more help than I even expected given that I was at the doctors until 9:00pm (yes they stayed open for me and some other people too). But. Given everything happening right now. I would like to write more but I give in. I need to sleep. I need to escape. and I do not need this right now. Life is handing me way too many of the same cards.

Ch5: Only

The only time I feel good fallin. I love this song and I love this movie. Goodnight and hello Sunday

Ch5:EndWeekend: Bang

Saturday has gone by far too quickly although I did spend two hours running on the treadmill (10 miles baby) and much time with puppies and with my mom. Also quite a bit of time at the hair salon. I'm digging my new color. It's pretty cool. Good dinner with a nice treat Kelsey brought home (gourmet cupcakes). Still looking around at jobs and still just trying to fight. I can't shoot. I feel as though I'm at some kind of stale mate and it's not a fair one (are any stale mates fair?). Only I know I won't be making any moves because I need to be patient and I think I recall "stale mates" because I just finished re-reading The Hunger Games. Were you wondering what book was giving me such great escape? Or did you already guess because you know me? Depends on who I am talking to but I am sure some knew. Funny, reading that book and thinking about how I can escape into their world where they can't escape. Kind of a conundrum right? I start losing interest towards the middle / end of the second book and have never re-read the third as I wasn't very satisfied with it. I think I'll give the whole trilogy another go with this round and maybe it won't be such a struggle. My run, well it was numbing. I don't mean physically, physically there were some aches in my low back, hips and knees but nothing too terrible and nothing that I couldn't stretch out. I'll feel it more tomorrow. My run was numbing because my mind blanked out and I just ran, in place because I didn't bring my water belt and I've established a good routine of refueling/keeping fueled during my longer runs. We're less than 60 days until the race and a little over 60 days until I graduate from this internship. Public health rotation is next and I was told to bring workout clothes if I liked because they work out after / during their lunch break! Cool if you ask me. Anywho, back to my family as I'm hanging in my old room scraping older stickers off my bed and walls. Stale mated, J. Believe me that I'm there but I can't say anything.

Ch5:Pg15: I am a little anxious

Friday, I'm running late on posting tonight. Catching up with mama, getting weirded out by what the cats are ehem "doing" outside, and reviewing my last three weeks at thePlate Boutique. I'm so looking forward to continuing working with Kati as a virtual intern and I'll make this post up to you all tomorrow. Wish me luck as I hit double digits in miles tomorrow (10) my knees are acting weird, there's still something inflammed about my mouth and we're getting a little irritated and concerned. I need my eyes checked. Many things to do. Keep faith. Keep strength. Keep me, J

Ch5:Pg14: I am singing for you now

Spring is here, in my opinion. Why? As I'm singing and my song came to an end, I heard the birds singing too. They're back and that means we're getting out of our winter slump. I love winter, don't mistake me..but something about the birds singing this morning brought me hope and light. Because, right down the line it has been you and me and that's that. I wish we could go for a walk. I'm looking out my window now and it's snowing lightly, the birds are still chirping and tweeting, and it seems like a lovely time to break out the mittens and scarves, hats and gloves, and just walk together. “I want passion. Even if it’s harder and hurts more and takes longer.” "I like things that take a really long time to pay off." That's me. You're also reading the post of one of the new Around the Plate interns. I'm pretty stoked about this opportunity! I was talking with kati today at thePate Boutique and she mentioned needing another virtual intern. Tadah! Here I am and I am ready to hit the ground running with it. So, in addition to my CMU internship (9 more weeks!) I'll be participating in Kati's virtual internship as well. I'll gain more writing/posting experience, expand my horizons, learn new things and grow. Inevitably, I will grow. On a side note, I'm rather annoyed at my printer that won't print in color because I'm out of black ink. Damn. Well I'm keeping this short tonight as I have a lot of other things to attend to and tomorrow I get to go home and spend time with my mom, the dogs and 10 adorable puppies, my sister and my bed. I need more days of sleeping in. I also need to organize myself for the projects to come, the new rotations, the writing, the planning, the job searching, the potential writing for Hello Giggles and much more. I'm posting the picture of me in my sports bra, I'm kind of like damn proud of it so thumbs up for me and I wish everyone a loving remainder of your hallmark holiday, I hope you took a moment to love who you are even if there are things you would change, or even if there are times you wish you could repeat...just take the moment and tell yourself something loving, maybe tell someone else something as well, and remember, don't be afraid. I am still there, your hand in mine, I'm still there. Explosions in the sky. Watching, J.

Ch5:Pg13: I am young

Phew. Glad Wednesday is coming to an end. I started out early at 6:00AM to be exact and was surprised to see just as many people working out in the morning as I see in the early / late evening. I ran my four miles easily as I had music playing and my kindle in front of me. The book I'm reading takes over my brain and the four miles was done before I knew it. I had plenty of time between post work out and get in the car time to run to Meijers. Strange, because I never go there anymore. I bought Perks of Being a Wallflower and felt all of the emotions. It rang up incorrectly so I got it for $5 off an already somewhat low price for a new release. I bought some peppers and salad necessities and was out of there in less than 11 minutes, success. Our story continues as I go to Mount Pleasant and sing my voice and heart out, pass by all of the familiar places and work at the Boutique with Kati. We had a busier day in terms of customers (woo!) and I was doing some research for an article I'll be writing. I'm discovering that writing and food and dietetics and discovering these new possibilities is opening some doors for me in terms of my future. I have some ideas and other days I feel clueless and that's just fine. Im' 22 for pete's sake. I had to leave quite early today to get to a class with the other interns about Pharm D. He talked about drug-drug interactions, drug-nutrient interactions and so on and so forth. It was an interesting lecture and by the time it was done...I was pooped. I felt drained and was still thinking in the back of my mind, why did my sweat smell sweet this morning? Something to look into more. Tomorrow is Valentine's day, a customer came into the store to buy a healthy gift for his wife (a really lovely wooden bowl that she had her eye on before) and said it would be better than buying chocolates. It's thought that matters people. Did you know what the week prior to Valentine's day Americans buy over 58 million pounds of chocolate? That's a stupid amount of chocolate and kind of makes me sick. Did you also know that millions (I'm sure millions or maybe less or more) of people don't have mothers on mothers day or fathers or fathers day? Or how about grandparents (I'm without them) on grandparents day? So please, don't complain. I'm getting antsy for the change approaching. I discovered it's likely I'll still be spending a lot of time in Mount Pleasant during my public health rotation so that is going to be new and exciting. These 3-week rotations (at least my first one) are going to zip on by. I'm really thankful for the opportunity to have worked with Kati and learn a completely new aspect about dietetics that really sparks my interest. I just ordered a book called, "Will write for food." I started reading it at the boutique yesterday and I'm actually kind of dying to finish it. With that said, my other book is calling me, it's only 8:30pm but I'm exhausted and this is going to be an earlier night. I cleaned, ate delicious soup, brushed the hair/hell out of the cat, and I'm writing to you all and in my other journal and I'm starting to formulate ideas for my future blog as a professional/nutrition expert/RD. Sometimes, yes sometimes, I question wait, I'm going to be an RD? When did I get out of college and is this the rest of my life? Kati and I discussed these things as quarter life crises. I'm not 25 yet and honestly? I'm such a little kid still. Sure, I'm going to be licensed (except that means little in the state of MI for other reasons) and I'll be professional and damn I'll have to start wearing dress pants eventually (maybe) but...as of now..22 years old is little. I'm actually thinking about the number 52 (not the age) among other things. I'm blabbering. Tonight I need to leave a piece here. The elephants in the room are making noise and I need them to quiet down. Reading to silence the elephants and mind, GM

Ch5:Pg12: I am not finished.

“The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.” ~Rocky Balboa~ And that's all.

Ch5:Pg11: I'm waiting on rain

I'm struggling to write to you tonight as looking at my computer, though I have dimmed the screen, is adding to the headache I've felt since early evening. I slept alright, only waking from a mild nightmare and too much heat. I ran five miles this morning which oddly seemed short compared to the longer runs I'm doing now. I also learned at this run that I could push myself much farther to do miles under 10 minutes which I neglect doing most of the time. My face was very red/pink as I left but I went back, made some delightful eggs with ENGLISH MUFFIN TOAST. Yes I bought english muffin bread this week, I never buy bread but it seemed like a good loaf. Work went by really fast today for some reason. We had a good number of customers and I worked on several assignments while also just chit chatting with Kati about things on our minds. I've really liked working there and I'm surprised I'm already into my last week. Chapter six is upon us friends. Thinking of friends, Perks of Being a Wallflower comes out tomorrow and I am going to purchase that immediately. If I had enough gumption I'd get up at midnight to go to the store but why would I do that when I need sleep? I've spent my evening post dinner reading and sitting with Schmitty. I wanted to doze off and nap but I knew that wouldn't be a good idea. I thought about how I feel like I'm in the desert waiting for rain or the arctic trying to build a fire. I have three more rotations to go through after this one. I'm trying to mildly think about future plans. I've discovered that during my runs, I've started to sip on powerade which makes me nervous for electrolyte imbalances. I wish I had more interesting thoughts to share with you tonight. I looked back on a memory of a couple of different walks tonight. I went through them as they happened in my head and looked outside full knowing I was not going to change and go outside. This made me a little sad. Hope makes me a little sad. My cat looks a little sad tonight. This headache is bringing me down. My back has knots I can't get out with rolling and I'm hating this headache. (A quick side note of joy, Rachell just let me know she got accepted to Simmons for grad school and I am SO SO SOO happy for her, I had to share the wonderful news!) Alas, readers...I should stop looking at this screen and while I'm still waiting for the rain that I almost know will come, I'll be patient because I don't have another option. Headachy with an ounce of sad, J

Ch5:Weeekend. I am right here.

Picture credit from Postsecret. "Man these times are hard." I'm quiet in my apartment with a little music playing, my voice singing and humming along. I've prepared my vegetables for the week that needed cutting and bagging and peeling and prepping. I cleaned as much as I felt was necessary for the day and decided to leave my room for tomorrow. There's a tin box that sits in the middle of the room because I just need it to be there today. The more I look around my apartment the more I can't wait to get a new one. My apartment is great and it's very spacious and I'm entirely grateful for it. More or less, I look forward to being more financially independent so that I can afford most things on my own. I ventured to BayCity last night for a night with Aby and two of her friends from Akron, Ohio. We had a really good time at the Stein Haus which was surprisingly packed and many people stared at us. I haven't laughed as hard as I did about Aby's floppy disk story in what feels like a while even if maybe it hasn't been that long. We nommed some candy, sang (well I listened) the Menards (yes the store) theme song over and over. They found it hilarious and I found it hilarious that they found it hilarious. Overall, we were up till 3 and I slept better than I have in a long time. A delicious brunch at Heather's took us downtown BayCity and we did some antique browsing as well. I hid a book that I really wanted to get at the place that only took cash/checks. I hope to go back and get it soon. There has been a lot of confusion for me in the last 24-72 hours. More than usual mind you and that's either not saying much or saying a lot. See? Confusion. I'm reading an all too familiar book that I have read at least 4 times already. I've found that when I'm in a moment of confusion, exhaustion, loss or whatever feeling makes me want to just walk without purpose..the book's voice, story, and emotions comforts me more than many other things have been able to do. My 9 mile run...I didn't get to write yesterday or rather I chose not to but here were a few thoughts (remember I was on a treadmill). 6:15am, alright get up and get ready for the gym, gatorade, check, water, check, cliffshot gels, check., Headphones (from the dollarstore...Iknow) were ready and the desk worker greeted me nicely. I didn't waste time and I hopped on the treadmill and was thankful for HIMYM to be on repeat though I never really liked that show much. It entertained me though for 9 miles (1 hour and 45 minutes) so I'm thankful for it. More thoughts, "I can see myself in the mirror, do my boobs still bounce?! I'm wearing 2 sports bras for god's sake, Mmm gatorade is actually alright, why did I wear pants?, 5 miles down I'm over half way..., 1 mile left..., 1/2 a mile left and I sped up despite the ache in my legs and especially my knees because I was ready to get off., Text from Aby "Why don't you do something with your life." I laughed pretty hard which must have sounded silly given I had just ran for an hour and fourty five minutes and the same desk worker was there waiting to talk to me when I was heading for the door., Muscle Milk is my salvatiON!! CHUG CHUG CHUG. Okay, so I felt pretty good after that milage though my hips are definitely paying the price now. No time for too much rest as I have 5 miles to run tomorrow. I decided to try some new things from the grocery store today and since my vegetables are prepared I need to go prepare my lunches for the week. I bought goat cheese, some wine that I've become fond of every now and then and other various groceries. I also bought a bouquet of flowers that now sit center on my table in my designated flower holding mason jar. They keep hope in my view and they help keep my apartment pretty. Hope, the only thing stronger than fear. To close for the night, "But we always, yes we always, we always have fun. Yes we always, yes we always, we always have fun. Why would you live anywhere else?" Yes, to answer a question, it's on the front burners of my mind. Standing faithfully, J

Ch5:WeekendB: Can we come home?

Saturday, I'm appreciative of your sunshine but since the side walks were nothing close to plowed (the majority) I asked for kind thoughts yesterday as I ran 9 miles on a treadmill this morning. The guy working the counter, when I left said, "How the hell many miles did you just run?" "Nine, and I don't think my body has quite realized it yet." Well, not soon after did my body catch up with me. I headed to Mount Pleasant for thePlate Boutique event today. Afterwards, I ventured right back to Midland (So much driving, ergh) and went browsing through the Organic Market for some Saturday goodies. After running the milage today, every 2 hours my body is crying for food. I definitely should have packed a snack for my way home from Mount Pleasant as I was starting to feel a tinsy bit light headed. Alas, I am cozy back in pajamas and watching a movie, writing to you all, thinking and trying not to think, and my lower back is CRYING for a massage. My entire back and feet and legs are actually aching for a massage. I am not sure sometimes if I'm just a fool or if my faith leads me where I should be. Mentally, physically, emotionally..am I doing this right? Don't we all question that sort of thing? I miss not questioning, I miss living so much more 'in the moment.' I don't think I'm not living in the moment but there's not a lot of random acts of whatever occurring for the time being. Things clicked. Things still click and sometimes it's best not to go against the grinds. To accept those magnetic pulls. I want to dance with dim light again. I want light music and if I wasn't so sore at the moment and ready to just relax a little I'd really like to go on a walk. Saturday, we'll see what you bring..Sunday, be kind. "There is still some good left, it's worth fighting for." Agreed, -J

Ch5:Pg10: Can we run?

Welcome, Snow. While I'm happy to be surrounded in white fluff it was not a good morning or mostly a good day. Ready for the Friday rant? Here we go. Woke up throughout the night and when I finally think I fell asleep for almost an hour the Central Alert System calls me and tells me CMU has a snow day. I did not have a snow day. I should have gotten up and ran my 3 miles but I fell asleep from exhaustion and bad dreams. I woke up late then and had to rush around getting ready. I don't like to rush. I burnt my fingers badly on my straightener as I was curling (yes curling) my hair. Had no burn ointment. Burnt my eggs/pepper combo this morning so breakfast tasty like crud. Spilled cat litter bag all over my carpet and finally left only to find my car buried in snow (duh). Dug myself out and got soaked in the process and had to drive slow and defensively on the way to Mount Pleasant. Finally got a parking spot by working around the plows and trucks making and taking their snow piles in the downtown intersections. Finally, I am here I can get out of the car and relax. I did relax, Kati and I didn't have a ton to do but we're happy enough just chit chatting and working a bit too. I didn't really bring a lot of food so I got a Black bean burger from Max n' Emilys, the best part? I bought a Diet coke (and topped it with a splash of rootbeer) right? Cool. Then I LEFT it there sitting on my table and completely forgot until it was too late. Yeah. My day was going real swell. The burger was delicious though and I was feeling kind of tired but had to run an errand for Kati for our event tomorrow. (iF you're reading this and you're in Mount P, come to the Plate boutique from 12-2 and get sample (free) of homemade chicken noodle soup! As I'm deciding how best to get to Kroger I decide to cut through campus. I'll leave that at my tires simply weren't going fast enough. I felt like a shaking zombie at Kroger and luckily wasn't there very long. My head was pounding and my chest was hurting so when I was back at the Boutique I just sat and sank into the chair that I was comfortable at. Kati and I kind of worked and just talked and watched a Webinar about Eating Disorders (a field I'm still considering going into). Finally, the day was over. I made my way straight to the gym, jogged 3 miles and realized that my route for running the 9 miles tomorrow would be impossible with the snow so I have decided that the 9 miler will have to be done...on a treadmill. Please think kind thoughts and send them my way. So. To wrap up a week that has been kind of from hell not like a lot of things haven't been from there lately, my Friday is finally over and I'm looking forward to achieving the 9 mile mark, running the event tomorrow and then slipping back into pajamas and laying in bed hopefully sleeping. Sleep avaded me this week. Nightmares surrounded me and guess what? I still lived and I still choose to keep fighting. There you went again, -J.

Ch5:Pg9: Can we drive?

Thursday came and has gone away. Work today was really nice Kati and I chatted about the very controversial argument occuring on tweetchat #RDchat last night. We worked out our to-do lists and it felt like a very productive day. I got to kill some time paroosing through Target and Dick's sporting goods only to leave unsatisfied. Before I entered target I think I had the biggest adrenaline rush I've ever experienced and needed to walk very slowly through the store and aimlessly too. THEN I got to have dinner and be hugged and talk to and laugh with some truly awesome people at Larzelere Hall. Oh boy did the memories flood black. I love everyone I got to see today, I got so many hugs and you look great's and it all felt so great to be "home." Thank you for swiping me into the cafe Kenzie! :D Larzelere isn't what it used to be for me, which is okay seeing as I don't live there anymore..but it was very nice to be back and feel safe and sound and welcomed. In a few years no one will know me there and that's a really interesting thought. To those who I saw today there and who are reading now, I teared up after I walked down those steps away from it all. Memories upon memories upon more memories flooded me and drowned me with thoughts and smiles and tears and change and well, let's just leave it at the fact that it was emotional for me and I'm glad I got to see them all today and be back where I was for the last four years. Changing directions to driving. Oh driving, I'm getting better at you all the time. Tonight I drove through Blizzard Nemo where for a while it was alright and then closer to Midland there was no road. At least not one that I could see. I'm safe now and remained calm as I could despite my emotions creeping up like water trying to take over.I like driving and trips and being the passenger and just driving to drive. I also am enjoying music right now like Electric Feel and I'm grooving as I'm typing and preparing myself a snack. I feel like I could go in a couple different directions right now but since my previous postings have been longer I'll cut this one off here. "Sometimes, i look outside, and i think that a lot of other people have seen this snow before. Just like i think that a lot of other people have read those books before. And listened to those songs. I wonder how they feel tonight." Electric girl, -J

Ch5:Pg8: Can we get lost in the moments?

"I'm just a little bit caught in the middle, life is a game and love is a riddle." Delicate singing for a light day. The sun is shining and I wish it were a little warmer or that I had time to go for a nice walk and soak up some vitamin D. I've been evaluating my daily intake and the foods I'm typically eating because I'm curious to know if I'm low in any nutrients. Sometimes I get these waves of low blood sugars even after I've just eaten a bowl of cereal with vanilla Silk + almond slices. Kind of strange and they usually pass quickly. I bought the worst tasting "Mio Energy" water flavorer ever. Never ever buy green thunder. It's not electrifying it just makes my stomach rumble with nausea and indigestion. My sister is much more sensitive to fake sugars than I am and generally I can handle a little splenda when baking or 1 packet in coffee or iced tea. This Mio Energy claims it gives you energy most likely linked to it having some B vitamins and caffeine. I call bull shit and it tastes crappy too (sorry Mio, I like some of your other flavors). I'm definitely feeling like I'm getting enough water in during the day especially when active /running so much, but like many other people I get bored with the taste so I try to flavor it up. I should just buy lemons and limes and go all natural, I have issues with pulp that I need to get over first. Hmm what else for today...it's half way through the week and I got Froyo with Rachell last night which was delightful. Froyo is so yummy especially when you load it with all the fresh fruit they have there (hello Kiwi!) and it was the perfect dinner ish/snack. Rachell and I have this habit of getting injured or going to urgent care (far too often) and we often pass this bad luck back and forth. Rachell's taken two hits and I'm just walking with tender step so to avoid unwanted trips to the doctor. Today is the first day that I woke up and didn't have new mouth sores and I didn't have a lot of pain in my mouth either thank goodness. That's a relief though I still need to know what's going on with them. The song, "The Show" played at the store this morning (thanks, Pandora) and I love how playful the tune is and the sincerity in Lenka's voice. I do feel caught in between multiple rocks and multiple hard places which is easily complained as "UNFAIR" but I'm moving around in them the best I can and as well as I can be expected to. Training for this half marathon helps me find some cracks in the rocks and build up while I break them down. Running is one of my one and only vices right now that I'm extremely grateful to for the ability to quiet my mind and just move my body. This morning I ran 4 miles (training stepped it up this week) and tried to do some speed training in there as well. I really have a hard time speed training, especially when it's snowy/slippery. I hope to see some familiar faces at race day (April 13, and yes I will plug that date in here often). I saw a neat idea on pinterest (of course) to have your friends choose a song that will be included on your playlist for race day. It could be a song they love, a song that reminds them of you or whatever reason they want. I'd like to do this, then I'll make the playlist with their names in the title so I'll know who is running with me at that moment. Cool huh? Very. Hmmph, well I should work through some other sings, hum and sing and print and cut and continue playing through the games and solving the riddles. Caught, -J

Ch5:Pg7: Can we cook?

I want someone to cook for me goodness do I miss that. I miss cooking for other people not that I have done it a whole lot in my past but I miss sharing that meal with someone else. The more I experiment in the kitchen and take pictures of my food to try and "share" it with others, the more I want to cook for people so I"m not the only one judging my new creations. Maybe I'm the only one who likes spinach pasta (it was on clearance at the grocery store yesterday and I was like uh Yes PLEASE). I feel awkward saying this but I bought a pear and I don't know what to do with it. I've never eaten a pear, I don't know how to eat it even if there is no proper way. I bought pearl onions because I think they're delicious so later tonight might be a frozen vegetable/pearl onion night. I woke up at 6 this morning so I could work out before coming in early to thePlate Boutique. My strawberries didn't last as long as I tried to stretch them for so right now I'm hungry but satisfied by the new greek yogurt 2x protein I tried. 150 calories but it packed a protein punch for sure. My mind keeps wandering to Max and Emilys as I planned to eat there today, their sandwiches always taste so fresh and are flavored in ways I wouldn't have thought of on my own. I'm starting to pull ideas to keep my meals varying but it can be difficult when you're on your own. Just something to put a little more time and effort into. Effort, now there's something to tackle. Life is effort and the amount you're willing to put into it will often be apart of your outcome. I've been going back into some old, but good, ways as to how I approach certain issues or when I'm listening or asked for advice. However, I posted a quote that really resonates with me as a person and on this issue of giving advice, understanding people, and having faith. The quote reads, "All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love." For me this really hits home because it is who I am. I love. I love to love and to never stop. I love to care about people and I love that I have a big forgiving heart. It's important to have a lot of love because we're all going to face obstacles in life that effect the way we love (be it ourselves or others). It's important to keep love close to your heart no matter what type of love that is and no matter how you express it (love languages). I have fallen for making delicious meals for myself and not half assing them just because I'm on my own, egh not good enough. I need to enjoy my time alone and do what I can to make the best of it and if part of that is cooking new exciting meals then so be it. P.s. I forgot how much I adore home baked no salt tortilla chips, I don't care that they're $2 more. Well, I'm kind of getting off topic but then again what was the topic? Cooking? Mm, yes. I learned that pureeing garlic cloves in with olive oil and avocado really brought out that garlic taste (delicious) and I wouldn't have known that if I hadn't tried a new thing. While I'm really thankful for the cookbooks I've acquired I try to go through their recipes and mix and match them! They've been a real help in learning new cooking methods, new mixtures and portioning for one instead of two or more. That's all for today, since everything I understand, I understand because I love, know that sometimes I still don't have a clue. I understand why I am the way I am and how it relates to love but no, I don't have my life all together and no, I don't know what my future looks like. I just want to cook, so can we? Whipping out the cute apron for no great reason other than it's cute, -J

Ch5:Pg6: Can we dance?

Monday. I slept awfully and woke up many times throughout the night only to find it harder to fall asleep each time I woke up. I gave up around 7 and got ready to run a five mile loop. I was proud of the time (52 minutes) as I didn't think I was running that quickly and I probably looked like I was melting/dying the majority of the time because well that's just how my face looked. I got to relax a bit this morning after the run and eventually packed up and headed to Mount Pleasant. Worked on a new product review and learned some more about the internet and it's behind the scenes businesses. I'm starting to brainstorm ideas for my blog when I become an RD. I want to make sure I'm ready to commit to one because once I start I feel it would be a shame to quit. By that I mean I would feel ashamed. I'll share my brainstorms when they're ready to be shared. I grocery shopped but didn't need much. I made an avocado paste with olive oil and garlic and used that as dressing for my spinach pasta noodles. It was pretty tasty and I've not done very much with avocados and I'm trying to try something new each week. I keep looking at rutabagas and think that they will be next on my list of things to try. I struggled today coming back to my quiet apartment, really craving to just have somebody here with me to sit in person and talk with, laugh with, talk with. I repeat talk because I'm in a let's talk about everything and anything mood. I texted with Rachell a bit who sadly was seeing Urgent care again (WAY TOO OFTEN) and I'm praying she doesn't have any torn ligaments. I can't wish that upon anyone and in fact I just hope she doesn't have that..I don't want to go back to that time right now but fingers crossed it is something else. Or something that will heal more easily. I skyped with Samantha though our video never works right but it's closer to having someone in my apartment. We talked for a long time and that's always wonderful. We discussed being honest as friends not just like honest with each other but honest about how we feel and who we are. There is not point to pussy foot around how you feel, it's how you feel damnit and it demands to be felt. So feel it. Phew. I'm exhausted honestly. I'm also getting tired through the internship. Steam is running a little low and like I put in one of my first posts, "the internship is going to be harder than any year in college you have faced thus far." Check. Okay okay I know readers you get it, it's hard. I'm just tired and taking it out on this blog which is not the best but whatever. I'm done for tonight. I look forward to running more and more. I look forward to being done with this internship. I look forward to actually having a job. I look forward to what I'm fighting for. Can we dance? -J

Ch5:WeekendA2: Locked out. Nosferatu?

Vampires? Can you lock them in their coffins and put garlic around the house? Can you close the holes where their bites left you drained? Can you watch strength grow as blood slips away? Damnit Dr. Weinstock I learned too much about them in that class (thanks, btws). Vampires are by definition mythological or folkloric beings who subsist by feeding on the life essence of living creatures, regardless of whether they are undead or a living person/being. That being said I don't feel comfortable going through the many other ways a vampire can be interpreted and created and written about. One way I like to explore how I feel about something is to ask questions about it (see the first three sentences of this post). Can you just lock your doors to a vampire or do they always find a way in? Or did you on "accident" leave the window unlocked? Regardless it's MY blood and you can't have it. I'm sure this seems like a very different kind of approach to my posts than most of you have seen. I don't have any specific approach towards this blog except to write about what I'm feeling or think about or eat or do. Whatever. I did promise I'd talk about Forks over Knives so I'll include that hear too. F's over K's: A documentary sweeping the nation about eating a completely plant based diet and the alarming and incredible research behind it. Now, I'm not a vegan but this documentary (even as a dietetic student) started to sway me. It definitely helps me not want to think about restaurant food for a while...Regardless, I don't know that switching to a completely plant based diet is necessary for all human beings. I do think there is an overabundance of obesity happening and heart diseases and cancers that (as this documentary was saying) can be prevented through a plant based diet and healthy lifestyle. Okay doesn't that sound like common sense? Maybe not the plant part but healthy lifestyle? Come on that's life 101. That doesn't mean healthy lifestyles guarantee you are heart disease free or cancer free, certainly too many healthy men, women, children, families and loved ones have been affected by these diseases and have wondered what more they could have done. There's no one answer here but I was extremely fascinated by this documentary's research about cancer growth and plant based diets decreasing it. I can't go into statistics here but please take the time to rent it or visit their websites. I, as a future registered dietitian, promise to never force a plant based diet down your throat. No, I just don't think it works that way. However, incorporating more plant based foods into the diet in conjuncture with animal based products is a healthy transition. Perhaps going for the commonly phrased, "Meatless Mondays" or "Tofu Tuesdays." It's okay if you can't make a complete switch, I'm not telling you to but consider the amount of processed foods you eat on a day to day basis. I honestly can't remember the last time I ate a granola bar (aside from the home made ones Aby created) (not that granola bars are bad). I look in my pantry and see crackers for soup, fruit snacks, pastas, a couple of canned products and oatmeal (I haven't grocery shopped today) and my fridge is full of vegetables, homemade soups and fruits. It's not a whole lot of processed crap. I certainly don't eat out as much as I used to in my early college years and I certainly am making smarter choices when dining out as well. I just want to fuel my body in a healthy way and not give it garbage and not treat it like trash. People tend to think, eating healthy costs more and while it would take too long for me to explain how much I fight this, if you feel this way I will prove it to you individually that you can "eat healthy" on a tight budget. I will grocery shop with you if that's what it takes. Just, don't become something just because you want to, become something just to become. Fight for it. As for me, I promised. -J P.S. I really can't handle that photo I uploaded to this post. Fucking scares me.

Ch5:WeekendA: I'm travelling back

"You have to do everything you can, you have to work your hardest, and if you do, if you stay positive, you have a shot at a silver lining." Sometimes music is my power source when it comes to my long runs on Saturdays. 8.4 miles today readers...I'm impressed by myself because I always thought, "Oh yeah, one day I'll run a half marathon, goal in the next like five or ten years." No. I'm changing that, oh one day I'll do this, mantra by going for the things that I want to achieve. I still have struggles we all will, but it's not going to stop me from getting through the training. I want to share with you what was going through my mind sporatically during my long run: This running belt isn't too uncomfortable, I hate these headphones, songs of hope make me brave, maybe running with potential stomach flu wasn't the best idea, what was the point of carrying my water on my belt if it was going to freeze, oh good the gatorade isn't frozen, the other half of my banana (I ate half before my run) is going to fuel me?, how slow was I going geeze look at the time, time to pick up my pace, I'm scared, my neck hurts from my frozen hankerchief, thank goodness I put vaseline on my lips and around my nose, my nipples hurt, are those spots I'm seeing or is it mascara?...Thoughts post run: my nipples hurt, my finger nails are a little purple, these red patches all over my body itch, I'm freezing, (I sat down on the couch and wrapped myself in a blanket) *tries to stand up* CRASH. To the ground my knees were in so much pain I felt like the Tinman., why is my knee cap dark?, 8.4 miles...., my shower can't get hot enough right now, Muscle Milk just saved me, I still feel sick. ---So readers, I hope you got a chuckle out of some of my thoughts. Did any spark any thoughts for you? How about the "I'm Scared?" What was I scared about? There were a few things, one was the pain in my knee joints, it scares me to have pain and I get a bit of anxiety about it. I'm scared I am following my heart and it could lead me in the wrong direction. I'm scared that I keep switching plans for the future about possible jobs. I'm scared that I won't be the nutrition expert I'm learning to be. I'm scared that I'll fight and it won't be worth it in the end. "I have fear," I thought during my run because it's a simple human feeling that seemed to captivate me for a stretch of the run. However, it doesn't scare me to be scared. I don't think people think often enough about what honestly scares them. Try the writing prompt, "I don't want to write about _______." For me it helps list some of my deepest and truest feelings. Give it a shot and don't be afraid of your fears. I just finished watching Forks over Knives, I think I'll save my opinions and thoughts on that for tomorrow, I jotted down some notes but I want it to soak in and get under my skin a little more. It's definitely worth your time to watch it and visit their website. From their site (or I should say from a Pin that Kelsey pinned to her wall) I printed out their pumpkin hummus recipe. It's delicious and I'm glad I felt strong enough after my run to make it because despite eating well after the run and drinking my muscle milk (thank you Kels for the reminder) I really wish someone else had been here today to make food for me. First world problems, I know. But I don't feel well and I have stress that comes in spurts and worries, fears, hopes, dreams and everything in between that I would like to share with you again. I try to keep busy and on a day like today busy was napping, reading, eating, watching Big Bang Theory, finishing some photos of my sister and her fiance (: and pinning (of course). It's closing in on midnight now, followers, and while I feel I could write on tonight I should just leave with the plop of a cherry on top. “Some things are destined to be -- it just takes us a couple of tries to get there.” Nauseous, J.

Ch5:Pg5: You're special

Friday? Try flyday. Today flew away from me. I woke up a little after 6:30 so I could run a few miles and do some extra strength training (AKA Ab Ripper X lol) while allowing myself ample time in the morning to relax. The time ticked and I left for Mount Pleasant and worked at thePlate Boutique on some materials and learned more about Nutrition Communications/Entrepreneurship. As I've stated repeatedly, I am enjoying my time there and I'm also finding that these 3-week rotations are going to pass by quickly. I had a really nice talk with my mom on my way back to my apartment. It's okay to fight and not know what else to do and to trust my heart. It's okay to fight she told me. Moving along, I made the same delicious meal I created last night (Spinach pasta noodles, a pepper, an onion, garlic and garlic&basil sauce) and thoroughly enjoyed being out of the cold and cozy under my blankets in my magenta sweet pants and Big Bang Theory season four at hand. I just made hot chocolate and found that dunking saltines into it is quite delicious! Salty, chocolately, what could go wrong? Tomorrow I'm psyching myself up for the 8 mile run. I didn't have much to complain about the 7 miler but 8 seems like a much larger number to me, even if it's just tacking on one additional mile. Kelsey reminded me that the 7 meant I was running over half of the half marathon and it's crazy to me that in 5 weeks I have gone from standardly only running 3-4 and maybe an occasional 5 miler, to running 8. Next week it's 9 then 10..11, 12 and a practice half marathon. It's also important to note that after tomorrow's run I am officially 1/3 of the way through training. Meaning 11 more weeks of the internship are left and 10 more weeks until the Gazelle Girl Half Marathon. After that it's continued training as I run the Fifth Third River Bank Run 25k (15 miles). Maybe I'll just transition right into marathon training. I love the longer it takes to run distance because as I've said before my mind gets quiet. Todays run there was more noise in my mind that I would have liked but I took it with a grain of salt. With the sun rising upon me I felt powerful and my muscles felt like air. A runner's high, if you will. It's a good feeling. It's like the little things. The good things. You miss them and when they're back you might grin from ear to ear or stop running and look up at the sky and feel more than small. "You're special. I wish you could see what I see." -J