Ch2; Weekend three

Your actions are more important than your words? Words are to be trusted so are words just as important as the actions that proceed them? Little talks, I miss them. I didn't miss being sick and I've got some stomach tenderness radiating to my back and no it's not gas nor constipation. I feel comfortable talking about bowels and if you can take one thing from my blog it is to be comfortable talking about poop. It is so important and can tell you many many things you never knew it could, it's like magic. It was a really lovely weekend at home with my mom and sister though way too short. A plus, I got to drive my dad's Transit back to Midland and it was smoooooth sailin, the negative is I'm sitting here typing and my bed is not made. So. I need to do that and go to sleep. Hopefully I am less and less sick as this is going to be a busy but fun week. Phew. Shower, make bed, sleep in bed, and dream about flying (if I had the choice). P.s. I listened to the Mumford and Sons new album on my way here...holy crap is it good and it just makes me weep. That's all

Ch2;Pg15; 5 minutes, 10 minutes

I've never been so glad for it to be Friday. I leaped out of bed this morning quite literally and took a shower, got ready (it's Jean day on Friday which is nice) and hit the road. I had some good talks with various food service workers, did a sanitation inspection of the facility, wrote about inspection, finished another assignment and uh yeah that was about it. Aside from collating some papers and stapling and what not. I'm just glad this work week is done. I really needed it to be. So after I went to return some things, wandered aimlessly through Target and headed downtown to sit and do nothing but scan pinterest. It's nice and forces me out to play on my computer rather than sit in my apartment. Sigh, I am glad to live on my own but it does have its disadvantages. Are you considering it? It's alright I can't lie that I don't love having my own space and my own rules...but yes loneliness can set in. Quick tips to enjoy it: 1) go outside 2) play your favorite songs and sing as best and loud as you can, today Taylor Swift and Karmin filled my home and 3) Treat yourself kindly and get savvy. Idk they seemed like important things to share with you all. I'm finally going home tomorrow and I'm really looking forward to it. Tonight I'm going to babysit my preceptor's kids and then I'll probably curl up and watch a movie or more New Girl. Well, I don't have much else except that i'm 3/5 weeks done with Food Service and I look forward to rest of it! I have to get thank you's ready for this so perhaps that will be a weekend assignment. Hang tough err'body. Let's hope and make a good weekend out of this one.

Ch2;Pg14; Babel

Today was another day at the VAMC! There is not much to report there as I'm finishing all of my projects quickly and well, this week has been a longer one and I'm eager for it to be done. I imagine now that a lot of my friends are at their first couple exams and projects and that it's getting stressful so here are some tips from yours truly to destress and enjoy: 1) Time / pace yourself- you will thank yourself I swear. Just put that timer on for 50 minutes work hard and when it buzzes off you'll be so happy! Take the next 10 minutes and Idk find a youtube video to watch like bloopers from your fave tv show or movie, or sing some songs or dance it out or go bug your roommate? Idk what you'll do but just do it! Then get back to work 2) They say it's good to have some physical object near you when you do homework (no I don't mean your desk or a marker) but something to symbolize to you that you mean business. For me it's my desk lamp. I know, it's weird but when I turn that on I'm on go mode, I mean business. Maybe try a paperweight? Lol or possibly a hat you put on that makes you work. Try some different things out and see what feels best for you. 3) Say yes to more and no to plenty. What I mean is, c'mon say yes to that friend who wants to shop at target for no reason or to the friend who just wants to watch funny videos with your or "procrastinate" together. Say yes! Relax and live it up! But hey, say no to plenty too! You're like what, 20 something? Majority of my friends are in their 20's or close or something but like c'mon life's got way more out there and if you want to get "way more out there" you need to work your booty off. That's just that. 4) Surround yourself with pretty things. Yes this is for guys too and everyone's definition of pretty is different. For example, I thought it would be nice to put some flowers in a mason jar on my lil side table by my couch. They're pretty and smell nice and it's honestly a stress reducer. Or light some candles or guys, DECORATE. Do it in your way but I mean c'mon do something. However, do it for you and do what you like best (in terms of decorating). It's your space, make it livable, clean, stress-free and lovely. 5) Eat nutritionally well. Did everyone see me writing about this one? No i don't eat SUPER HEALTHY FREAKY all the time. I ate a whole pizza not more than a week ago! But guess what, eating healthy truly makes you feel better. Physically, mentally, emotionally...it's a win win win situation. Ask me for my favorite tips one day and I'll talk your ear off. 6) Get the hell outside and that's all I'm going to say. 7) Change up your study space, hit up a coffee shop (Aby hahahaha) or the library or your neighbors couch or I don't know just change it up once in a while. 8) Throw caution to the wind and just keep trying So think about what reduces your stress and do it. Make those reminders for the little things (remember how I talked about flossing? Yeah, do it!) and post them where you'll see them. For example I wrote a sticky note in bright colors on my nutella and peanut butter jar that says THINK with hearts and smiley faces so that I don't just dig in because I feel like it. ----- All in all, do you things for you, keep others in mind and get outside. Also, I should mention that skype is thee greatest invention or like webcam talking in general (no not chat roulette) but Aby and I tots had a great evening together since we skyped the majority of it! Hang in there everyone, watch out for curling irons, and don't give up. Cuz' I know my weakness, know my voice but I believe in grace and choice.

Ch2;pg13; Hello goodbye

Today has been a blur. It went by so slowly and quickly now that it's done that I'm at a loss for words. As you saw yesterday I got an adorable loveable new pet. I felt such happiness that I didn't care about getting up at 4 instead of 4:30 so I could walk him, I drove just a little faster home thinking of getting to see him and take him for a run. Well. When I went to my apartment's office Monday and told them my situation with wanting a new pet because of Schmitty etc (I didn't yet know that I was going to find one so quickly and get him because A) he was great and B) I would never let the family who came in after me take him...) and one of the workers was like oh yeah that's fine lah-dee dah. I got an email today wondering if I was the one they gave incorrect information to. Bad, right? I'm living in a cat only building and I can't just up and switch to a new one. So. Ollie and I had to part ways :( I called my mom just crying and brought him to our local shelter and yes I cried there as well. They understood but it didn't make me feel any less terrible. The story has a little hope, the shelter called me not 10 minutes after I left saying that he was in good hands as a family with two kids came in, saw him, and swooped him up...I suppose it made me feel a little better but I have just had the biggest whirlwinds of the last few days with wanting a dog, finding one, getting one, and saying goodbye to one. Also I'm going on a severely low amount of sleep, I'm half way through my first rotation which is great but I am now so comfortable there I can feel the change coming. I'm really looking forward to going home this weekend. Sometimes home is where you just replenish your everything. I miss Ollie and I had him for such a short time. As my friend Laura tells me everything happens for a reason and I hope I gave him at least a fun day and a half. Life goes on. ----- I am dead tired and emotionally exhausted. So fingers crossed everything goes by quickly tomorrow and the next day and then I babysit my current supervisor's kids and then I go home. -- In a last bit of news. Whole wheat pasta noodles and garlic alfredo sauce is very yummy when you're distraught.

Ch2;Pg12; Ollie Ollie Oxon Free

HOLEYMOLEY. I slept through a night and only woke up a half hour before my alarm? It's kind of a miracle but the downside was I didn't fall asleep till around 11 and I'm up now at 4:30 in the morning. Well, it's not too much of a downside that I didn't fall asleep until 11. I've got things on my mind that are exciting and new and my head is already wrapping itself around new ideas. I can't share all of them but one of them is shareable. I know, I know I have a cat. I love Schmitty, she's great to have around but inside info, she's about 12 years old...sadly she's not doing so well right now so she is going to be moving back home. I'll create my bedroom to be a cat haven for her once more, and I think she'll be happier and yes this is morbid but if she dies here in my apartment, I do not have the proper way to bury her and no I'm not putting her in a freezer to take home. I can't bare the thought and then today...yeah you probably know already since you've most likely looked at my facebook...I got a dog. I adopted/rescued a white pomeranian and he is SO freaking cute and playful. He is challenging me as now I am a new mommy to my first own dog. He's already approximately (guessed) 11-12 years old. He'll need to get groomed as his hair was matted really badly when they found him. He's so friendly and he's already fixed so he did belong to someone before. I am happy to have him and I'm happy today in general. A woman (randomly) at the hospital today stopped to tell me that I am a very pretty girl. What's with all the random compliments lately? They don't make me uncomfortable and I'm not trying to brag or be vain (spelling? lol) but it's just crazy :) So, almost half way done with this rotation, I'm going to really miss the people I'm working with. I need to take Ollie Spike Boehme on a walk soon before I go to bed annnnd that's all I got for you today. Except, listen to Imagine Dragon's song "It's Time" it pumped me up like no other this morning :)

Ch2;Pg11; Desire, fight on

A busy day at the VAMC today. I did some patient satisfaction surveys today and man some Veterans are really um...flirtacious! I really enjoy my time spent there and I can't believe that come Wednesday it's half over. After I left today I went to the Humane Society in Midland to see what kinds of dogs were up for adoption. Then I went home and on my run for the day which was supposed to be an easy 3.0 miles but turned into 4.25 miles sooo longer than I intended. That just means tomorrow will be my easy day or whenever the next is that I'm running. I'm now comf-ah-fied and full of yummy food and ready for bed in an hour? Yeah my life during the week is pretty short in terms of having time to do other things after the internship day is done. I don't have a ton to write about today. If you ever need a healthy pizza bowl option for dinner, make some garbanzo beans and put some pizza sauce on them with parmesan cheese. The new Mumford & Sons CD is really good too. I'm tired. Yup :) that's all today.

Ch2;PgBreak2; It's time to begin

I am so exhausted today. I went to sleep tired, I woke up tired and I just can't get the sleepy feeling shaken. I gave my stomach time to digest my lunch (I have FINALLY mastered the art of the fluffy scrambled eggs) and now it's time for my fiver miler. I set up a six week running program this morning. I went through and checked out some from runners world and made my own slightly modified version. I guess I'm going to power up through running and see where it takes me. But, I'll admit, I miss dance more than ever right now. I miss the free feeling of spirit and pure joy it gave me. I miss flexing my feet just a little farther, straightening my legs more, turning tighter and leaping higher..I miss blisters and bruises and new choreography. Yeah, I miss it quite a bit right now. --- The photo you ask? Some of the words are blurry. It says at the top Born to be...and below it, it reads anything but perfect, the spice of life and so on and so forth. It's from a little while ago but I like what I collaged onto my clipboard. I'll admit I also miss being an RA a little :) I mean it's pretty fun but mostly I'm thinking about the people I got to meet all the time. I love the constant changing and the fast paces. Slowing it down, now, isn't a bad thing. I'm not saying I should pick up the pace here because i don't honestly know how. Slowing it down is a good change but when you start moving too slowly you miss out. It's always very important to find balance between moments and actions that happen quickly and over time. Actions? Meaning, doing what you say or trying to anyways. It's always better to try and my boldest action as of late...it makes me proud. I told you, I do big moments and loud expressions. I think it's about time I go on this run. It is always, always, important to keep moving. No matter what you feel. Because tomorrow starts WEEK THREE of my internship and I cannot believe how fast it's all going. So, in short, keep moving and you'll get there.

Ch2; Page Break; Settle down & Chutzpah

Today I noticed the pool outside is turning a seagreenish blue-ish color. It's pretty. The weather men and women were wrong today. It was forecasted to be raining all day but it's gorgeously chilly outside. The first day of Autumn 2012 is here and for some reason I'm inside. I'll change that shortly. I did meet my preceptors wife and kids today! I love babysitting and I'm looking forward to having planned things to do on a weekend or week day. Their home and neighborhood is really lovely. Though I've always wanted a home like mine where we're secluded in the woods, if I did live in a neighborhood, one like theirs would be lovely. Midland is so cozy and safe. --- I was watching a movie last night while enjoying some pizza and (this hasn't happened in forever) I fell asleep just a little ways in and woke up during the credits. My mind and body were finally like, oooookaay just pass out. I wish I had slept through the night because that seems like such a distant and extraordinary thing. My head kind of aches and my body is getting run down and this morning my throat hurt. I refuse to get sick so of course I'm loading up on tea and fluids and all sorts of good food to help kick me into non-sick gear. It was cold walking around. It's still cold today. It's cold in my apartment. It's just cold. --- I don't know where time went off to today. It's already 8 and I think I started writing this about 6 am when my body said GOODBYESLEEP TIME TO WAKE UP. Grr. Well, Becky is coming over :) so I should tidy up my apartment. Goodnight Blog. Tomorrow is a new day...yes, tomorrow starts a new week.

Ch2;Pg10; Then came the peace

Today, I had the privilege to serve at a POW and MIA lunch in at the hospital. What an eye opening even. Also, I have never blushed so much by all of the Veteran's compliments and "moves" on me :) What an amazing experience. History should always be taught by those who have lived it. --- Those who have lived. Well, we may not only live once. I think that's a very very interesting topic. Sometimes things baffle me, being the only one to ask a question. Please take that as I'm special. Yes, I commonly pump myself up with my own compliments, but hey, why the hell not? If you're ever stuck or feeling like you need to start over, start. Grace has been given and we will be okay. However, I'm cutting hit post tonight short. I have pizza to attend to and some movies to watch.

Ch2;Pg9; Moxie

Oh Hyperbole and a half. Please go read her comics if you never have. My god she is witty, smart, innovative, funny as hell and seemingly going through some rough times. She kind of disappeared from her blog for a while now. I miss her updates. So check out her blog, she's truly fantastic. ---- Today I went in at my regular time, 6:00am and then around 8:00 am I went with Jim (my preceptor) and Karl to the US Foods meeting in Wixam (spelling?). The car rides were great and we got to try a TON of food, some good some not so much. This meeting is about getting VA hospitals in the area to come together and they all get their food from US Foods and so other vendors come in to try and get them to want their products etc. We got to take home a ton of samples. I can't wait to cook up some of the things I got today. Any one need or know what to do with a lobster baste? Lol. Anywho. The ride home was great as well and then my work day was over. I got home and felt SO bloated from all the food. So I toured Target! I don't let myself spend money there everytime I go but today there was a clearanced spice rack still on the shelves that had recently been marked down to SIX dollars. Yes I bought it. Then I went home and did something crazzzzzy. I ran. No no, I ran hard and I ran five miles. Maybe jumping from one day doing 3.5 miles to 5 was a mistake because holy shit my body hurts right now. My knee also is saying FUCK YOU but hey knee, deal with it. We're doing this. Blah! So, all in all it feels like I did so much today. I'm exhausted and I'm just writing here, chatting with my Becky and smelling my baked cookie biscuit candle burning beside me. ---Wow. Every part of my body hurts. Time to call it a night and snuggle in bed reading a magazine.

Ch2; Pg 8; Flying and colliding sparks

I've repeated this line over and over again but I'd like to write it here too. The most amazing thing about amazing grace, is the chance to give it out. ---- It was a frigid run this morning and I was definitely a lot slower because my lungs didn't like the cold air. I love when you get to hop into the hot shower afterwards but not when it gives you that tingly burning sensation lol. I dreamt of odd things last night. I'm all sorts of random thoughts this morning as I write. I don't have to go in until 10:00 AM today meaning I should leave in a moment. ------ I like writing and coming back to it later. I'm officially obsessed with oatmeal in greek yogurt with a honey crisp apple on the side. I love the VAMC I love working there. My director even came in today to check in on us and it was nice to see her! So cool that she drives everywhere to see (in person) how each of us is doing at the internship and off the internship. I'm glad it's so cold outside as well. It's great snuggling up in sweat pants and blankets. My squirrel blanket my residents made me last year is perfect for these kind of days. My candles are burning and my water cup is empty. I'm currently debating over some rather important things in my life and don't you hate when you can't just act everything out and pick the way you want to go about things then? Sometimes I live well, no, most the time I live my life like pieces of movies. I don't mean I act out their scenes or copy their movements or speeches etc and I definitely don't do drama (that I can help anyways). But I do, do forgiveness and big moments. I do loud expressions and I am stubborn and easy going as hell. I do bold. I do scared. I do ledges and I do fear. I do those moments when you stand and stare at the sky and hold onto that silent feeling of chaos and serenity becoming one. Do I sound over dramatic? You'd do it too if it made you feel the way I do. You'd do it too if you weren't scared. You'd do it too if you would let go of yourself. You'd do it too if you felt fiercely. As long as I've got you here, just do it. -- I can hear the marching band warming up. While you're in the moments of stress and chaos, promise to take the moments to just listen. Listen and stay warm. -- Yes, yes I am all over the place. But I told you, my life is kind of like its own movie and I'm the leading lady and the narrator of course. Though I'd like to find someone else to narrate, I lisp sometimes and it somehow kills the effect. :S

Ch2;Pg7; Spinning plates, technically 2 but almost 3.

Today at the VAMC I came in at 5:00 in the morning. I had to get up at 3:30 Am to accomplish this like my last post so for future peoples getting up early etc...Here are my list of tips to make it great: 1) Start the coffee machine right when you get up, lately I've been enjoying coffee with a little splenda and cream but I've also put tea bags inside my coffee maker so to have hot tea ready for me on my way to the hospital. 2) I suggest a hot beverage because it warms up your heart and body too because guess what? Driving at 4:00 in the morning means it's cold and cars take a little time to heat up. 3) Have breakfast planned the night before and sit down for at least 5-10 minutes and savor it. 4) Have snacks or lunches packed the night before. My snack was chocolate cheerios and my boss made fun of me calling it cat food lol. 5) Have your outfit ready to go in the morning, let's just not make decisions too early in the morning lol 6) Right when that alarm goes off turn on a light and sit up. I usually sit up and just sit for a little bit then get out of bed. 7) Just wash your damn face. Do it at night too. 8) Brush those teeth and floss for FUN lol 9) For me one of my final steps was putting on this DELICIOUS SMELLING APPLE CIDER HAND SANITIZER. Oh my lord. Rachell suggested it when we were at Bath & Body Works and I need to go get more. 10) Think ahead for your day and make a note of anything you need to grab 11) Get some tunes ready or just listen to the radio 12) Tell yourself it's a new day. ----- That's my advice for now. I'm off to walk through the autumn air that's here a few days shy of the actual first day of Fall. A last note? I was told I am sparkly today and not in a I wear glitter kind of way. I take that as a compliment :) "She just SPARKLES" Yeah. That's right. Last but not least, don't forget to cherish those "moments when you talk to yourself and you start smiling like an idiot because you're so damn hilarious." You all know I'm SO funny. --- Over and out.

Ch2; Pg6; Inside spirit & longing

I think I mentioned this in a previous post. My internship is not stressing me out, it's the things outside of it. For example, having a period sucks sometimes, well most of the time. What's worse is having them when you're not supposed to and getting radiating back pain while you're trying to fill a tray line and all you want to do is sleep through the pain. Finally I'm home and the day actually went by quite quickly. I'm working on updating holiday menus currently and I'm enjoying that task. The people I work with are sweet and tomorrow I get to go in at 5:00AM. Yes, AM. Meaning wake up at 3:30AM. ----- So, I went for a jog today to try to rid myself of the unnecessary back pain and funnily enough it did help a little. A heating pad and comfy clothes like my silky goucho pants, a big tank top and sweatshirt in the AC with my mexican blanket and netflix. Tonight, I'm thankful for no extra homework during the internship that needs my immediate attention. I also ran harder than I have in a while, three and a half miles at a 10:50 minute pace. That might seem slow to some of you but it's a vast improvement from last week. Push yourself and push your body because then your limits will becoming limited. ------- I keep pausing and coming back to writing because I can't put all my words into one thought! If you ever need to ramp up your yogurt, my suggestion is to add some plain oats to it. I added them (after spilling a good portion on the floor sadly) to my honey flavored greek yogurt tonight and it was very good. It made the consistency thicker. Well, isn't it weird that in an hour I need to be in bed? I guess I'm thankful my evening is cut short, although don't we all wish we could control our dreams? ._. My "Leaves" candle which smells amazing is burning and I think it's nice to burn candles once in a while. It creates an ambiance for your current state of being. Wow, I'm chock full of it today huh? This blog post is kind of all over the place but that's how I am. A quote to finish this off, "there are things you do because they feel right and they may make no sense and they may make no money and it may be the real reason we are here: to love each other and to eat each other's cooking and say it was good.”

Ch2; Pg break- The pretty things

It's Saturday everyone! My body, despite my best efforts, decided 6:20am was the appropriate time to get up. So I accommodated and got up, cleaned my apartment, hit start on the coffee machine and ran out the door. It was another great run, layered in pants, warm socks, and a comfy sweatshirt tightened by the hood strings. It was brisk and the music was light and there were hot air ballons. Right? Very cool stuff. Something about this morning was different, it was just a very good one I suppose. I'm an enjoyer of pretty things and charms that you hold onto. It's those "little things" we talked about before. Think about it, what kind of charms do you have? What kind of little things keep you going? Sometimes they're significant because they were a gift like the bracelet with five little stars on it that my mom got me. It came during the summer and the pretty coral color of the string has faded. But for me, the five stars are my family and I and five words I associate with them: Strength, individuality, blessed, treasure and love. ---- Or sometimes they're little things that were found or purchased. Like, a oh, I don't know think of your own charms! But seriously, we all have them even if it's a self drawn heart on your hand. Hmm. Well, enjoy your Saturday everybody. (Especially those on a little "break" from our busy internships)! Make sure you do things for you, you make smart and fun decisions, you try, you care and most importantly just be. Happy September 15!

Ch2;Pg5; Those crazy scenes

One week of my five at the VA Hospital in Saginaw is done. I'm really liking it a lot there. Although it is like starting a job and not necessarily losing one with every rotation but you get mildly attached to places. Part of you always remains. The way parts of me are everywhere in Mount Pleasant, Muskegon, Snug Harbor, and anywhere really. So how long are we going to keep this up? ------------------------------- I had a frustrating event with CMU on a side note. Who accidentally deposits almost $7000 into my bank account and THEN wants to charge me $200 to give it back to them online? So I go to central and get that stupid stuff taken care of and walk with Rachell and venture to Red LObster where we realized the food was way to pricey for its own good so we just got Lobsteritas which were quite delicious but could have used more alcohol and overall a giggle-full and fun day :) Guess I'm glad it's finally the weekend. See you at page six.

Ch2; Pg4; Three weeks, but also a year post injury

Are you in need of a loving adorable and slightly gumpy dog named Buster? He's a golden retriever and though we love him dearly, my mother informed me we may be searching for a new home for him. He does need medications for heartworm / thyroid (so that is something you'd have to cover) and sometimes he gets sores that he licks on his legs/paws BUT he is just SO great and reminds me of the dog from UP. He will sit under your feet because he LOVES you. Yup, if you're interested let me know. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Today I thought about something while at my internship. Taking charge. Sometimes you just have to say yes, I can do that, even when you don't know that you can. Of course you should ask questions to clarify something you don't understand but if someone asks you can you do an in service after you watch one? Yes. Yes I can. I can't believe tomorrow will finish up one week of my internship. One out of the five that will be spent in Food Service. It's already going by quickly. Another accomplishment? Today I ran three and a half miles around a neighborhood I had not yet explored. It made the jog easy because I have never seen the houses I ran by and a lot of them were so quaint and beautiful. I loved driving around with someone and just looking at houses and imagine your life there in that house or what the lives of those who live there are like. Create stories and memories that don't truly exist with the exception of your imagination. Ah, lesson lesson...sing it out, today with Coldplay again "if we could float away, fly up to the surface and just start again, and lift off before trouble." Trouble. Take charge of your life, say yes when you can and work to be an independent thinker who floats on and just wants to be there when the lightening strikes. : ) I think there's a storm coming in. It's beautiful out

Ch2; Page 3; Sways and ties

4:30am wake up call please? I actually got up without a problem, my day was great and I think it's an advantage that everyone shocked to hear about my age. I feel like a little kid but treated with respect the more I prove myself to be friendly. So my advice or topic of the moment? Take pride in who you are and be friendly. Not overly casual but entirely friendly and hey, make it a point to remember people's name. Whether you're in an internship or whatever, take the time to know someone's name and say it every time you meet them in the hall way or passing in the kitchens or whatever. I think another tid bit of advice, be efficient. Listen with intention and focus all of your energy to what you're doing in the moment. Another thing? Get the stress OUT. I mean it, out. I worked out with some good ol' Jillian Michaels and then powered out the door for a run in the sun. The air was really crisp but the sun was beating down on me and my face was as red as a cherry. Okay it wasn't red it was pink but everyone always says their face is "red." Anywhoo..working out and running and making my lungs work and my heart pump is just one of my ways to relieve stress. Another lately is to sing about it. Today I've been listening to some Fun, Coldplay, and the 500 Days of Summer Soundtrack. I think what is important to keep in mind when you're "relieving" stress is to focus on relieving stress. Meaning, don't multitask and think about what you still need to do and don't work on things while relieving stress. Take time out to just "be" in those moments of life that make your heart a little bit happier, your brain a little bit clearer and your mind that much stronger. ~So come over, just be patient and don't worry.

Ch2; Page 2; Games

It's 6:42am and I am currently just sitting around waiting to head over to the VA medical center. Maybe if I take a different route it will be faster but I kind of doubt it because it'll be less freeway driving. I started writing this earlier this morning and now that it's a little over 12 hrs later I'm finishing it! Internship is great. Those who read this maybe in the future, don't freak out. It's all new and awkward and sure a little scary, but you're fine. You got in the internship for a reason. Never forget that. Tomorrow though? I wake up at 4:30 so I can get ready and be in by 6:00am. Yup. So after I finish writing this and doing my dishes it's off to bed for me. Maybe I'm just not that good at blogging but I just started a new paragraph and when I post it it won't show that I separated my thoughts at all. Kind of makes me sound like I'm rambling all the time which if you know me I do and then I get side tracked and ramble some more but eventually I get back on track. I think getting back on track is key to this post. Both with personal goals and with this blog. I really enjoy writing even though it has never been a forte of mine. Just because you're not great though, doesn't mean you should do it. This blog though is changing slight directions and I am going to more or less, offer up advice for future interns, people in general, those who live on their own with or without a pet, cooking ideas, maintenance ideas...just about anything. We'll see where it takes us. Lesson lesson, take time to just sit and be. Always. Today I rode my bike to the spot where I day dream about things. I tuck my feet under, rest my focus, and allow my mind to wander wherever it goes. I listen to choice music and sometimes just stare at simple things. Today I was watching how the light hit the plants in front of me and how the wind was chilly but kept the smell of fresh air moving. Today I just was at that spot. Where were you today? Think about it. P.s. sometimes you can just "be" with others too. Sometimes sitting together and just being in silence is best. Sweet dreams.

Ch2. Page 1 & a halfsies;

“You may not remember the time you let me go first. Or the time you dropped back to tell me it wasn't that far to go. Or the time you waited at the crossroads for me to catch up. You may not remember any of those, but I do and this is what I have to say to you: Today, no matter what it takes, we ride home together.” Goodnight, Moon. Goodnight, cat. Goodnight, journal. Goodnight, magazine. Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight.

Chapter Two; Page One; L-o-v-e

Wow. I woke up today and I wasn't even nervous. I felt confidant and ready to get dressed and eat a healthy "get yourself in the mood to work it" breakfast. Then I drank coffee on the way there, then we had coffee when we got there....I had a lot of caffeine that I wasn't used to today but hey, it all went well. The VA hospital was pretty awesome! I really like the people I'm working with/under and I'm excited for all of the projects I'm going to get. I met some amazing people that I don't even know very well let alone remember all their names. The purpose is to serve the veterans and I can't think of a better way to spend 9-11 tomorrow. I can't think of a better way to spend my food service rotations. I can't easily go into detail about everything but man I feel like I'm going to learn so much in the next five weeks and it is going to fly by. Other things for this page? Well, I made a mix for sweet potato and vegetable ensemble burritos last night! It is so delicious that I cannot wait to stop typing in this blog so I can go and heat that up! Sweet potatoes, onion, red pepper, cumin, cilantro, beans, chili powder, annnnd a little olive oil. Mix, put in tortilla and top with cheese. Sofa-king nom. Wow. K. UM So another thing on my mind? Aside from being jacked to work out because I really need to get the jitters of the day out of my body. Little things. It's the little things in life that matter so much. Like reminding yourself, hey you should floss and rinse with mouth wash every day. You might use mouth wash but do you floss? I've taken a liking to it recently because I did it once...then freaked a little when there was gunk between my teeth that flew out. TMI? Well you should try it, get grossed out by it and then you'll never not floss at least once a day. Back to my point, it's the little things about taking care of YOU that are so important and will make the biggest impacts on your day and on your life. I have reminders every where to do very minuscule tasks, but they matter. Even things like, "don't skip cleaning/scrubbing the floors, don't forget to floss, hey pluck your eyebrows, or hey go sing a song and unwind." It's important to take care of you with the little things, then the big things aren't so bad. I found three colors of string the other day and while I have left over I did end up making that anklet. It's a little thing. Little things that make you feel bigger and better. So keep pushing. Keep faith and love high on your priorities. We are okay. <3

Page six; Strolling

It's my hope, It's my fear. Tomorrow I start the internship! Today I was lazy and then went on an hour long bike ride. I'm wondering how long it will take me to do the entire Pere Marquette Rail Trail. I'm starting to realize that my apartment is a little lonely but it's not bad. I act like a dork and don't have to wear pants half the time so it's a pretty good deal. My cat doesn't talk back but hey it's cool. I don't have much to write today because I am stuck between a cluster of thoughts and to be frank, I'm frustrated. I'm irritated. However, I made some delicious sweet potato burritos tonight for my dinners for the week. The VA hospital is giving us free lunch while we're there! Rockin, right? Off to slumberland, off to faith and off to sending the good thoughts I have for everyone and for myself as well. It's important to send yourself positive vibes. There's nothing wrong with it. If I get old and believe me I will. Remind me of this. Keep faith. I really meant it, whatever happens.

Page five; Your word

A late night, a headache and slow morning, a busier afternoon, and looking forward to a good evening out in Bay City. CMU vs MSU is currently going on and I think I can hear someone's butt getting kicked all the way here in Midland. But don't worry, many, despite what happens at the game, will still drink their night away into oblivions where they will say they had the best times of their lives. That's fine and all if that's how you roll, but I feel my undergrad experiences were much richer. Again, it's a personal taste and you're welcome to whatever flavor you like. I didn't say I never drink and never did. I just can't fathom certain people's behaviors. Isn't it funny how college can change people? They start off with certain opinions (myself included) and suddenly become new people? We all change throughout our lives...every day in fact. We take it minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, week by week and suddenly years have passed and you're sitting in your apartment looking around thinking..when did this happen? When did the photos I have become just photos? Did they all seem real to you? I really just look forward to starting this internship on Monday. Get the ball rolling and put both feet forward. Isn't that what I have been doing all summer? Trusting myself and putting both feet forward? Give, give, give. Be, be, Be. That's me, me, me. Listening, because when you're given a word, you trust it. When you have faith, you keep it and when you have spirit..you keep it high.

Page four; Convenient

The rain was convenient. Last day of orientation was good. Very basic and straight forward information and we're off to have a weekend to do final preps for our first days this Monday. It was better afterwards because I hung out with Rachell and then Becky, then saw some great people from Larzy, got my fills of tea lattes and walked back to my car in the rain listening to Hallelujah. It was kind of an epic walk. Then I have enjoyed much wine with my Samantha on ichatty and conversations with my Kindred. Ahh, well, it's okay. The rain came at a convenient time. Welcome to college, yup I guess you don't have to change.

Page three; Royal

I once again struggled getting to sleep last night but I woke with some really odd dreams. An old friend I found in a bar who only wanted orange juice and I wanted beer. I woke up really wanting to message him realizing I haven't heard from him since he left for the air force. Today was our second to last day of orientation. Back at our starting location we discussed evaluations and listened to a group of interns ready to graduate TOMORROW. Lucky them! Their experiences, stories and advice for everyone really seemed to calm and ease the group's minds. I really enjoyed hearing about what I can expect from the VA medical center for my food service rotation...all good things of course! I really am looking forward to it. Oh..yes I should mention we took a "pre-test" today. This test consisted of 50 questions from a sample RD exam. I started out thinking okay, it's not truly graded and it's not going to hurt my ego. True and true enough. Many of us talked afterwards and laughed because well, it was difficult to say the least haha. My drive home was filled with good singing music and I should mention I want to start singing for crowds sometime in my near future. Maybe not solo but I'll find a group or make one or something. There are just some songs that come on the radio that I'm okay blaring and belting out to because they're time consumers. Songs that don't really make you think but just sing and get home fast. The drive is easy and I'm home soon enough. I went for a run after dinner that started great and royally sucked in the end. My knee pulled a fast one on me and was like AW HELL NO NOT THIS AGAIN. That's alright, I sucked it up and slowly jogged my way back. Lately, I feel slightly stuck between that damn rock and the darn hard place we all mention at least once in our lives. I'm fed up with certain things. The run helped with that and HeyOH my hair is in a teeny tiny messy bun again. Do you ever think about something all the time and choose to ignore it and not act on it? I honestly don't do that very much because I try to use my best judgement and put my best foot forward and take action, but sometimes the action is silent disapproval. Tomorrow we'll be in my second home city. Good ol' CMU! You can probably find me at Kaya before orientation starts and hey if you see my car and it's getting a ticket, could you let me know? Or maybe I'll just park by Island park again, the walk is lovely and I really, really want a tea latte. Mmm fresh autumn chilly morning, tea latte, library time, and a..wait, campus tour? Maybe I'll get to skip that last part but there's nothing wrong with getting better acquainted with the campus. See you tomorrow CMU, and see you when I see you.

Page two; Run

Orientation day two is over and to sum it up, I wish it would storm because I think the thunder, rain, wind, and lightening could sum up my feelings better than my words could right now. We learned more about medical nutrition therapy for diabetes and I really liked our guest speaker (she is a CDE). She did a good job of refreshing us on things that we may or may not have remembered and it felt good to be in a "class" again. Last night I downloaded some sleeping aid applications on my phone. Oddly one finally did help me go to sleep but I wish sleep would come a little easier. I woke up last night from a dream because I was screaming and when I finally got the sound out, (you know, in dreams how when you need to speak you can't and when you need to run you're glued to the floor?) I woke myself up. Have you ever woken up from something like that? I thought from the fragments that I recalled right away that it was a good dream, but sadly it was not. There simply are storms we cannot weather (to quote Les Miserables) and even in our dreams we force ourselves sub-consciously to wake up. I feel right now that the internship orientation is the calm before the storm but the storm isn't going to be homework, stress, challenges, changes, or moments of being put on the spot and answering whatever question you've been asked with, "Uh...the liver?" I suppose this is similar to the elephants in the room, but storms are a little more...looming? I'll have to think about that one. I went on a bike ride after our day was done and though I got multiple bugs in my eyes, nose and all over my shirt, the ride was great. I went to a spot that was found a few weeks back and just sat there listening to specific songs that made me unmovable. No one was around and I felt like the entire world was blocked away from me and I got to just enjoy the moment alone and quietly look into the eyes of the storms I'm facing, have faced before, and ones that are yet to come. Just taking a moment to "be" without anyone around. That's what everyone needs once in a while when they're waiting or facing the storms.

Page One; Elephants

Chapter One is Orientation; Page one well..that's today! I thought I'd be able to sleep like a baby before this all began but I suppose that "first day" feeling never truly leaves you. Waking up earlier than planned, I made some coffee and got on the exercise bike (my mom let me take her retro "Tunturi" bike to my apartment!) to work out some stress. The morning was really relaxing and the drive wasn't bad until my GPS took me to a dentist office instead of the CMU Saginaw center but it all worked out in the end. Orientation was easy enough today. Names, intros, what are we doing, and understanding that we might feel like we're trying to catch a waterfall using a dixie cup throughout this "stressful and challenging" time. I think that's a funny analogy and honestly? I'm not that scared yet. I start my internship with five weeks of food service and I think I'm going to like that a lot. I'll be at the Aleda E. Lutz VA Medical Center in Saginaw and they sound like a really great group of people to work with. In all honesty, I do not have a lot of experience working with or even talking with veterans. Not that they are not humans and patients like the rest of us, but I'm interested to hear their stories and see what that is all like. It will be an experience that's for sure. I won't fill this post with the rest of my schedule as it'll pop up as needed. I'm bummed that the pool outside my apartment is closed for cleaning! I was ready to go jump in and wash away the day! I'll just have to relax in the AC and watch an episode of Criminal Minds instead. Then it's homework time :) So what else for today? Ben and I discovered fake owls posted in the CMU Saginaw Center parking lot. We determined they were definitely video cameras that we call "Owl Cams." Probably more expensive since they're owls and probably don't work as well. Another lesson? If you think about or just assume what someone is thinking all the time, you're only damning yourself, wasting your time and ignoring the big fat elephant in the room. Elephants will just get bigger and bigger and the more you try to ignore them or block them, well, the more likely they are to break shit. My advice? Stop ignoring the elephants in the room and in your life. You're not doing anyone, including yourself, any favors. In my opinion, people assume way too many things about others. What they think, how they feel and what their future ideas and plans are. I don't agree that assuming always makes an "ass out of you and me." So stop blocking out the obvious and start focusing on your feelings and doing the right things. Your elephant's not going anywhere till you do. For you extra enjoyment; http://www.nydailynews.com/jillian-michaels-returns-biggest-loser-14th-season-reality-competition-feature-teens-time-article-1.1151559#bmb=1

Chapter One

Tonight I went for a jog. It was one of those get up, dash for your shoes and get ready because you're legs are itching for a good fight. One of those, move and push your body and laugh kind of jogs. So that's what I did. I cleaned up my cooking mess (tonight I made a broccoli cheese quinoa casserole for my dinners this week), got my shoes on, tucked my spare key in between my cleavage, stuck in my head phones and hit shuffle (then jogged). I swear sometimes there's a little man inside my ipod who knows what I'm feeling and said man, Mr. Shuffle, makes a playlist that is so perfect you never could have created it yourself. Yup, it was one of those jogs. Tomorrow starts chapter one of the CMU Dietetic Internship. This week we're all over the map with orientations and lectures about everything we'll need to prepare for and everything we'll be doing for the next nine months. It's like we're all going to be pregnant and need to feed our babies' knowledge. Okay it's nothing like being pregnant aside from the length of time... but it is going to be, "one of the most challenging experiences of our lives." I quote that because it comes from our welcome book. Scared? A little. I think that jog I described above did a good job of quieting any nerves that were threatening to pop up. I guess I could say I'm scared but as of now I feel pretty calm about it all. I'm not nervous. I am ready for this to begin. So cheers to chapter one and cheers to starting something new. You can follow this story, no doubt you're interested. :)