Ch3;Pg13; I always will

What a crazy busy day at the internship! One of the RD's called in and the other couldn't cover for her and so we were scrapped for hands but definitely made things work. It was just busy and we were all on go-mode. I felt very independent and that is always a goal of mine for these various rotations. Independence is highly important, not just in this internship. You need to be able to rely on yourself, get things done on your own, and be okay motivating yourself and nothing else. My case study is getting more and more interesting. Tonight I'm making him a list of different meal ideas that are low in carbohydrates (he has specific standards) for his diabetes and completely fat free while still somewhat high in protein. Trust me this is not simple. However, I'm up for a good brain stimulating challenge. Have you had one lately? Something, anything, that stimulates your mind and you get so into the thought that you just know you're "in it" (Garden State reference). Well, I'm totally in this right now. Instead of rearranging my apartment like I said I would tonight, I worked out and ventured to Bay City to hang out with Aby and Ben. This has been a much needed night and we always make delicious meals vegan meals. No I'm not vegan, I'm close since I don't eat meat hardly at all, but Aby and Ben are so our meals are really different for me, but fricken delicious! Here's a cent for today. I went through some post secrets and the one I've uploaded here is really beautiful to me. Like I've mentioned in previous posts I do big moments and big expressions, leaps of faith, unfathomable hope, and strength that no matter what you can't break. This photo reminds me of who I am right now and also of a dream I had last night. It was one of the most amazing, crisp, beautiful dreams I've had in a long time. Maybe I'll share more about it later, I wrote about it in detail in my dream log but I can't always share everything with you. Well, I should tune off and also drive home soon. The plus about hanging out with friends in dietetics? You have something like a foot cramp and we all start analyzing what in the diet will help or could have caused it. Sweet dreams everyone, dreams of Poison and Wine. The bitter and the sweet. Am I making sense today? Probably not, I'm okay with this. I'm just not okay when some things don't make sense and they should. Does that ever frustrate you? WHAT EVS. This is a weird post. I'll make it up to you all tomorrow.

Ch3;Pg12; I know what you don't want me to

Today was quite a day at the internship. Clinicals make me drained. However, I got my case study patient recently (case study is our biggest project-ish of the internship) and he has a condition that is only prevalent in 1 in 1,000,000 people! It's called Chylomicronemia. In a basic sense, he can't digest fat due to lack of an enzyme. He's really nice to talk to though which is good. After the day was done, though I was tired, I dressed up for a rainy short run and the wind definitely made it a lot more difficult. I made myself some delicious noms, skyped, ichatted, and attempted to rearrange my apartment. It just got messier. I want to move things around then I lose all motivation. For whatever reason, mostly because I'm exhausted by the end of the day, but motivation has been harder to scavenge up lately. I really have to push and most of the time I don't want to. But, today. Ladies and gentlemen I danced. I danced like a fool and though my knee hated me. Those 30 seconds of dancing (And for a camera to boot) made my heart sore. I can't tell you how much dance means to me. My two cents for the day? Here we go. I recall this because I was thinking about my dad and how it's his birthday today. Cent number one: He wrote me once, a long letter with a beautiful card on my birthday. I remember being sad that he was not coming to my dance recital, but after I read his letter I teared up and still do to this day. He told me how he would rather be at my dance recital than anywhere else in the world, but when myself and my sisters were born he made a promise to always provide for us and give us everything he could. He made that promise as a husband to a wife and a father to his daughters. To this day my dad has provided me with a life I am incredibly thankful for. He and my mom work so hard and dance from then on was never about who could watch me, but what I could feel while dancing. Cent number two: Not too long ago my dad reminded me about what perspective means. I wasn't so happy but my dad said, "listen, this is the worst it's been so that's why you're hurting. I though I had hurt the worse I ever would and then I lost my dad and my sister." We left it at that but I think about today because, I lose perspective..we all do. But sometimes your realm of perspective can only span as far as the best and worst things. Something better will happen to expand it more, and unfortunately something worse will happen too. It's all relative. I thought I would share that with you my audience because it means a lot to me, so do all of you! However, I still have some actual work to do tonight so I should get on that. Then I'll probably watch some netflix and try to get more sleep. I hope you all take a second to treat yourself kindly, dance like a fool, and just groove with what life has handed you for now.

Ch3;Pg11; Prayer

I don't really have a specific religion I practice, though I don't even know what that means anymore. I just know I find it interesting and tonight made it even more so. I went to CMU to see Speaker: Dr. Naif Al- Mutawa who spoke not only on his comic book 99, but of history and religion too. Needless to say, that was absolutely worth coming in for as well as seeing multiple friends and hanging out with Caitlin Cheevers afterwards :) I still need to buy that girl a pillow pet. I thought about this earlier today, feel free to ever chime in but I don't expect you to. Sometimes I wish I'd get to the part where it's easier, where the storms feel like they've passed and you know I'm at a solid part of my life. Right now feels so mushy. But if I fast forward, I won't know who I am or what I did to get where I would be. Does that make sense? You can't get somewhere without doing things and the first step to succeeding is showing up. So show up in your life and start doing things that actually make you proud of yourself. The things you'll look back on and be like, this is why we don't have a fast forward button. This is why you can't skip parts of your life. This is who I became and this is what I've done to become it thus far. We're always changing. On a side note, I'm incredibly tired, exhausted, semi stressed, feeling blah and fuzzy because I have a massive headache. I'm calling it a night and finally I hope to get a decent nights sleep. Happy early birthday to my father, I'll pay him a special blog entry tomorrow. He truly is the man I think more boys should look up to and want to become one day.

Ch3;Weekend2; All good things are wild and free

Dear friends, Today I had to leave my family and I really did not want to. I just wanted to stay in the comfort and security of hanging out with my sisters and mom for much longer than I was allowed. My dad is coming home tomorrow and they're celebrating his birthday. I wish I was home for that. The drive to Midland was long but singing and talking on the phone crazies with Aby helps the time pass by. Whenever I get to CMU I get a little nostalgic and almost always get ready to turn onto Douglas like when I lived in Larzy. It seems so far away now, the residence hall times and being an RA. Instead, I turn down Main st to avoid awful Mission and make my way to Pickard and get ready for the boring part of the trip. It's just a long, flat, stretch of road that takes longer than any other section I swear. Finally I'm home and as soon as I got in the door I just sat on the couch and decided I need a change. I really want to rearrange my living room and maybe my bedroom but I just have no clue how. Plus it's hard being that it's just me here but I can't figure out a new layout. When I put my things away in my bedroom I noticed my bulletin boards fell and I chuckled at that irony. Then I stripped down (YUP) and hopped in the shower and here's what I had thought about. When people ask you certain questions, I don't want to call them rhetorical but I suppose you could categorize them like that. A question that it's not that they don't want the answer to it, or that you don't know the answer..it's that maybe they're not ready to hear it and face it. Then you leave the question alone but everyone knows it's going to come up again and again. Those are the questions you need to face and fight. The questions that do make you hurt and freak out and panic a little, or the ones that make you cry or smile or laugh nervously because you don't know what else to feel. You need to ask yourself the hard questions and learn about yourself as you figure them out. Help will always be given, to those to ask for it. You deserve it..and this makes me think of my RA past and I would say, "My door is always open" and it still is.

Ch3;Pg10; Celebrate

Happy 50th blog post to me! I really didn't have a moment to post yesterday, so I'll share why. I had my internship and things were a little slower than usual but it was a very nice day. I did some low residue (fiber) diet education and that went very smoothly. Sometimes it's hard to switch gears and move from patient to patient and remember what one said, chart on the other...then go to the next! It can get a little confusing. I don't feel so much like the follower now because they send me to patients on my own more often. However, I got out early this Friday and hit the road to head to Grand Rapids to go out with both my sisters and their good friend Emily :) It was a ton of fun and full of delicious food and drinks! I haven't seen my Kenzie since May and it has been nice having her home again. Yes, Kenzie, I seriously miss you! So did that and woke up this morning and lounged around a little. Headed to Woodland mall where I meant to buy a scarf at Francescas and it was marked as 24$ but I really wanted it...then she rung it up and it was on sale for....FIVE FREAKING DOLLARS. So I bought the other one marked down for Kenzie and her and I headed home to meet my other sister and mom for a day for the girls and dogs and perfection. Our house smells amazing with the woodstove burning and the amazing dinner cooking. It has been really nice to get away from the internship more and more. I find myself getting stressed by it or more or less just getting worn out by the end of the work day. Getting away from everything is something we all need once in a while. I got home and my mom had brought us souvenairs from Harry Potter world (She went with her sister a week ago) and now I have a jar of honeydukes candy to take home! I got a little surprise from my Aunt Tony who sent me a ton of bracelets she didn't wear anymore :) Later, my sisters, mom and I are making mini terrariums! It's going to be a splendid weekend and I am hoping the Tigers change things around tonight. Overall, my moral of the story today, just get away from it all once in a while but don't forget that you need to come back. You can ignore duties, responsibilities, troubles and what have you...but remember from my earliest of posts...the elephants in your life and rooms will not go away if you ignore them. That's a promise. PS Halloween town just came on, now we have perfection.

Ch3;Pg9;Let's change our roads and chase them all around

Ever wonder why people post what they do on facebook? Ever stop to think, why is she posting about her day or why is he saying that with such tone? Why are they posting song lyrics and why do we like shit just because we think it's ironic, or funny or it might brighten someone's day if we like their photo? Have you ever thought about why someone posts something and realize they do it for maybe one specific reason? Maybe they need you? Maybe they don't like you? Maybe they're angry or upset? Maybe they love themselves. Do you ever scroll through the statuses and think, god what should I post next? Oh lord I hope I post this and then eagerly you check a few minutes and hours later hoping to see that little red box with numbers climbing? Or maybe you don't give a hoot about how many people like your status. Or maybe that's your play, that you're so cool that you don't care who likes your statuses or not. Did you wonder what I was going to write about based on the title of my blog? Did you look at the posts around mine and compare our lives? Did you ever for one second think that you have it no worse or no better than anyone else? Have you ever felt scorned by facebook? Have you ever been so elated by something on facebook? Have you ever thought about what it would be like to still have Myspace and rank your friends? Or maybe no social networks in general? Do you post things with someone else in mind or do you post selfishly? There's nothing wrong with either. Do you use facebook as your diary because you're scared of reaching out in real life? Do you use it to socialize when you're lonely? Or to remind yourself of better days by scrolling through photos and reading comments by people that make you smile or laugh? Have you gotten sick of these questions yet? I have. But they're burning in my heart right now. There's a fire burning and it's hot, alive, and oh so quiet at the same time. That sensation, that desire to know more than what's on facebook. To quit with the bullshit and the I don't knows and the my life this and my life that. Or maybe to post more and more and more because you feel like it or don't know what else to do. Maybe you're trying to just live and post what you feel like. After all, facebook is full of people posting what they feel and maybe you could stop wondering why people post on facebook and start asking them yourself. That's all I have for messyjessi tonight. I hope you've followed along at least partially, because like facebook? Some things may never go away. Be careful what you post.

Ch3;Pg8: Come home

Sometimes I get lost in the beauty and the hope that I see. Sometimes I get lost in the music. Sometimes I get lost in a thought or daydream. Sometimes I get lost in my pie in the sky ideas that come and go and come and go again so quickly. Sometimes I get lost in the hospital. Sometimes I just sit and think about one thought over and over again because it might mean a lot to me, a phrase that resonates in my mind and plays on repeat. I feel fairly exhausted after today's day. I don't know if it's due to smaller amounts of sleep, the tension from a new position/rotation, the only now just being able to get back into working out, or what but I had a sleepy day. I just want the weekend here so I can hang out with my sisters and my mom! I was feeling semi lazy after my run (weird?) and decided oatmeal was going to suffice for dinner tonight. Mind you my oatmeals are deluxe and DElicious. Tonight's bowl of joy consists of oats, cranberry granola, mini chocolate chips, lite coffee creamer, and powdered peanut butter! It smells like a no bake but is way better. No offense to those who love no bake cookies but they're not my style. I had a cookie today at a lecture I was able to attend about EMR (Electronic medical records) and patient's satisfaction/dissatisfaction with them. Now THAT was a cookie, I'm not kidding it has been so long since I've had a cookie and that one was to die for. You guys must think I'm super fascinating if all I talk about is eating a cookie. Oh, alright how about this topic. It's call planning ahead. I don't mean plan your life, right now I'm thinking about planning ahead for Christmas shopping. Have you thought about all the people you have to buy gifts for? Your budget? Your ideas? Your time? Don't worry, I've got your back. Start by making a list of all the people you want to get cards or presents or both. Then start going on websites or pinterest and picking out things or kinds of things you want to buy them. For example, what if I wanted to buy a friend of mine some fancy coffee? I'll write it down and yes it is that simple. Then once you have pretty much all of your decisions made up, group the items by stores to get them at. Hopefully you're not running in all different directions but it's okay if you are. BUT before you go, get online and look for coupons or sales coming up that way you're not spending too much money. The gift of giving does not mean spending a ton of money. I love buying and making gifts for people so I try to be savvy with spending. This year I put myself on an extremely tight budget but I'm determined to fall under it. That's all I have for you for now, I'm off to play. Don't forget that if you do get lost like me, you're not alone.

Ch3;Pg7; Well it goes like this

I saw gangerene today. Let me know you how I almost passed out and threw up at the same time. Neither of which actually happened but it was a close call. A lot of the patients I was supposed to see either didn't want education or were sleeping or getting discharged in an hour...so today was a sleepy ish day. Then I saw the gangerene. This patient's toes were black. What a horrible diagnosis. That's also what I felt happened today, I read about and listened to many horribly sad or depressing diagnoses. I don't know maybe clinical dietetics won't be my dream job. I'm certainly going to just try and get A job and not be too picky for my first one, but we'll see how things go...I've been thinking about that a lot lately. People ask, where to from here? I just pause and consider the enormity of their question. I don't know what to say. I could move wherever I want to, anywhere in the world and still finish my masters with CMU because it is an online program. I don't know where I want to go and I don't know who I want to be. A lot of people think oh you graduated, at least you have a plan...I don't. I'm just starting to grasp that idea and I just couldn't express to you quite how I feel about it. Tonight, as Aby and I sew her olive costume, I'm considering the fact that I want the internship to be done for a few reasons but I also don't because I'm thinking...crud. The other thing currently running my mind? My sister Kenzie is coming home and I have not seen her since my visit to Alabama! I'm really excited for this and I think we may all be going out on Friday in Grand Rapids. I wish my dad was going to be home this coming weekend but a girls weekend with my two sisters and momma will be splendid! I'm feeling like I really need to get to running tomorrow because I feel like I'm not using my body enough. Lastly, for this post tonight. A new thing has occurred for me. I do have mixed feelings and honestly I don't care what those mixed feelings are comprised of. I feel as though I've grown yet again and I keep forming myself into this person that I don't know that well but I'm getting to know her everyday. I'm still a firm believer that you may not choose how you feel but you choose how you react to it. Tonight, I choose to think about the chaos and leave you with a quote "let's just allow ourselves to be whatever it is we are and that will be better. Ok?" That is from one of my favorite movies and it means a multitude of things. Tonight, for me, it means I'm going to let myself be where I am and who I am and everything that goes with that is going to be okay.

Ch3;Pg6; Come to me, I want to hug you

Week two of clinicals! Today FLEW by and I am feeling like I'm getting the hang of all the charting and terminology....slowly but surely. I think I have finally figured out a few things that have been on my mind. I'd love to write to you more and maybe I'll tack on to this tonight...but here's a photo of me, excited for something but for what I can't share. My nutrition tip for today that I just randomly thought about: Got a case of the munchies and you are close to binging on an entire bag of popcorn? Try eating a handful of baby carrots and dried fruit, top it off with a tall glass of water! This way you're still munching on foods, but you're making healthier choices. That's all I have for today. I promise to write a little more soon. I leave you with my friend's advice. Bitch, be cool. As promised, I'm updating but I don't know if you'll read it or not. I picked up a "work at Victoria's Secret for the HOlidays" card today at the mall. I am considering it since I only get a week off but we'll see. I guess I'm not going to update much except that a certain cloud that's been following me seems just a little bit higher above head tonight. I'll leave that to you. For now, bitch be cool!

Ch3; It's more than a feeling!

The weekend came and is quickly going by and at the moment, I have a ton of things on my mind. Along with the song more than a feelin' stuck in my head!

Let me describe a little bit more about what I do at the hospital each day. Well, though it has only been my first week I am charting on patients. The process? Look on the computer and get their history and reason for being admitted in the hospital. Then we go and talk to the patient, then we write a note / chart on the patient. That's pretty much the process without giving too much detail. At the MDA conference though this Friday, one of the speakers was my previous preceptor. He spoke about physical assessments and how dietitians need to utilize them before their medical charts and histories. For example, a patient's tongue could tell us he or she has a B12 deficiency. There is a wide range of things to learn from a person's physical assessment/evaluation. I want to start learning more about this and try to bring this into the hospital I'm interning at. Next topic. It's a short one, I don't have cable at my apartment, I am currently home and I put the TV on and realize that the farther I get away from watching day time tv, the harder it is to find a show that I actually feel like having on. Next topic. Today is a beautiful foggy, sunny and autumn day. I took the dogs on a walk just now and sang at the top of my lungs. Some days the weather just brings a new light around you. Today's light reminds me of freedom and of taking everything you've been dealt in life or everything that's on your shoulders and just leaving it behind. Walking away and not looking back. I'll call this my, free walk. Last night, I watched my dance recital dvd from May 2011 and yes, I cried. I miss dance more than anything. I miss my feet feeling the floor and the balance it requires. I miss the stretching, leaping, strengthening, breathing, correcting, learning, pushing and performing. I miss my pointe shoes and pointing my toes in general. It was and still remains to be one of the ways I let go and breathe. Don't confuse dance with memories though, I remind myself. Dance is not a memory it's an action and a feeling. Well I said I had a lot on my mind and I do. All good things, mind you. However, I think I will run out to the store after showering because I feel super gross at the moment and take the day to pick up a few things and clean my apartment once I'm back to it. I want to rearrange it but I can't figure out how to do so yet. Oh! An update. Schmitty is getting a little better. She seems more active at least. I think the corgis here at home miss messing with her but I don't think the feeling is mutual. Time to go :) Time to fly, time to drive, time to stay and time to go.

Ch3; Pg5; It don't mean a thang

MDA Conference! The morning was better than the afternoon in my opinion, but overall a good experience. It's fun to see a conference room full of dietitians and DTRs and students etc. After the conference, I went up to CMU and spent a LOVELY time with my gal Becky :) The Rock Rally was fun, if anyone heard the solo alumni give a "WOO" a little earlier than she should have, that was me! Drinkies with Becky afterwards was a good way to spend the late night of the evening, my apologizes for not getting this up yesterday! I'm home now with my sister and more important things to do like hang out with her instead of writing to you all :) though I really enjoy writing to you. I feel much more free and it feels so good.

Ch3;Pg4; I'll sing it loud

Greetings my big fans! I think I'll try to really explain what I'm doing at the hospital when I get an actual moment to really sit down and write about it. It's a whirl and sometimes I'm nervous but I'm really enjoying this rotation. I went to the CMU library yesterday and checked out some books I've been waiting on and I'm actually quite eager to spend my weekend reading them, well my Saturday that is. As Effie would say I have a big, big, BIG day tomorrow! I'll be spotted in East Lansing tonight at a hotel and then tomorrow at the Michigan Dietetic Association Conference. Then I'll be residing at CMU with the Beckster and then I'll be racing the homecoming 5k. Well, I say racing but I more mean just jog/running since my times are shit lately due to recent surgery, etc etc...I really don't need to go on there. My quick dinner tonight? Brown rice, red pepper and onion. Sound familiar? I had it the other day and made a second batch up tonight. I have had a recent revelation and I found my voice in a new way today when I started singing a new boyce avenue release. It's a cover of a song. It's my little secret but man I think it'll be one I'll sing in front of a crowd someday. Shoutout to Nick, Dylan and Trevor's girlfriend (sorry I don't know your name!) for being awesome at kaya :) It's good to see people who matter so much to me. Well, I need to nom, pack and drive. xoxo J

Ch3;Pg3; Spotted walking away

Work day was good. Improv show was stupendous (mad props to my punkin Becky and the rest of the crew sorry I don't know all of your names!). But for now, just don't ask this girl to stand. She's tired.

Ch3; Pg2; Your whispers in the dark

Day two at the Midland hospital! I wrote some patient charts today and I'm realizing that I did learn a lot at CMU and it just takes time to pull everything out of my brain. Like, what does this lab value mean and what is it related to, does it relate to the diagnosis? It's kind of a lot of information and I'm already thinking man christmas break can't come soon enough...We push and we go, go, go, goooooo until we graduate. To keep relieving the stress I try to take it in strides and remind myself that I'll learn as I go and improve. I do kind of miss having roommates, someone to come home to and talk about your days with in person. I have my phone and skype too and all but it's simply not the same. To get that feeling out of my system I went for a run and though they said 2-3 weeks post surgery I should be alright to start running again...they (for me) at least meant 3. My mere 3.23 mile run today kicked my butt. I had a running nose, mucus in my throat, cough, cramps in my incision spots, capris that wouldn't stay up because I've lost weight, and a knee that still likes to pipe in and complain. I'm not even a year post knee surgery but this 5k on Saturday is important to me. I really want to push it so I'm just going to have to see how it goes. The days seem longer to me now that I'm not trying to go to bed at 7 or 8 and leave by 5am. I have LOVED bringing my own lunch to this rotation (we were provided patient lunches at the VA which is nice but was hard to adjust to). Tonight I cut up a head of cauliflower and steamed that up, steamed some brown rice, and chopped half a red pepper and a whole yellow onion up to sauteed with oil and spices. All to be combined in a delicious rice dish. It was a great meal after the run. It was also a beautiful day outside and though I am bummed that my run sucked, the weather was inviting and joyful. Living on your own is a good experience, but no one said it was easy and no one said you would love every second of it. Sometimes I wonder if people think they've lost their chance or opportunity for chances, sometimes I believe that chances should always be granted and sometimes not at all. I enjoy that springy song, take a chance on me. I'm still in.

Ch3;Pg1; Make your move

Look everyone! A new chapter! That means a new rotation is starting today drum roll pleeeease.....CLINICALS! Phew. This is supposedly our hardest or most challenging rotation out of the bunch. It is 10 weeks long and then you have staff relief for 4 weeks at the same location. For the next fourteen weeks we'll be apart of chapters 3 and I suppose 4. To start this morning right, I woke up much earlier than needed but actually slept alright last night and feel like I got the sleep I always try to get. My sister and mother made this dish for me yesterday so I replicated it this morning. Pumpking spice oatmeal: 1/2 cup oats (yes cook these first, I used only 3/4 cup of water because I like oatmeal thick not runny), 1/4 cup canned pumpkin, 1 tsp pumpkin spice, 1/2 tsp brown sugar (packed), 2 tbsp of coffee creamer, and 1/8 cup of chopped pecans. YUM! Give it a shot! ----- Welcome back :D well folks...I survived and it was a very nice and relaxing day. Of course I feel like the newbie but come on it's day one. I think we're all going to enjoy this chapter. I have much on my mind but I'll spread it out incase I do run out of thoughts for a bloggy update. Everyone at MidMich is really nice and welcoming. After work today I went grocery shopping and I find myself more and more in the fresh aisle than in any other aisles now. Trust me I've always tried to balance purchasing fruits and veggies...but I'd always buy more cereal, crackers and granola bars too. Even dietetic students can get better with their groceries! Tonight's meal? A shrimp and veggie stir fry (though my wonderful mother made this ahead of time hehe) along with some sweet potatoes. What was in my grocery cart you're wondering? Chop this up! Spinach leaves, bag o' salad, slivered almonds, pecan chips, mini chocolate chips (trying this in my oatmeal tmr), 2 red peppers, strawberries, 2 lbs of baby carrots, fresh cauliflower, brown rice, almond milk, yellow onions and a cosmopolitan magazine. Under 50$ folks and I'm set for over week. In fact I have a lot of food for one person but it works really well for me. You're probably wondering where the protein is in there and yeah there's some in the nuts but, Jessi struggles with it because at least one person who's reading this knows I'm not the best at cooking meats or more so not the best at even trying because I don't eat much meat. I tend to avoid it but I work around it :) From the picture uploaded you'll see the remainder of my night aside from bike riding and cruising netflix. I made banana muffins from a box mix I previously had and two bananas that were finally perfectly ripe. They look a little dark due to my addition of some spices and a dash of pumpkin spice on the top. My apartment smells heavenly right now and you are definitely missing out. What is under my plate of delicious morsels? Cosmo magazine. Yup gossipy girly goodness that I'm about to close my night with. I must say, I like 7-30am-4pm much better than waking up at 4:30am and getting home at 3. Goodnight hopeful readers, I hope you maybe stick with me as we enter this new chapter. P.s. It's about time you make your move.

Ch2;Pg25; Glossy tired eyes

Today was my last day at the VAMC in Saginaw. I really enjoyed my time there and the people I worked with were stupendous. It's a bitter sweet to leave because I'm just settled there and now have to go somewhere else. Such is life of the internship for dietetic students. Then I got to enjoy a little chocolate wine with my gal Rachell and hung out around Mt Pleasant with Justin and the security guards at McDonalds. No we weren't in trouble we just enjoyed sitting there for forever and watching them do their job well. I'm doing some shopping tomorrow with A and hoping to go home tomorrow night so I can get my new car!!!! My green ford focus took a poop and has been enough trouble. But.... I'm really sleepy. So long chapter two, I'll miss you.

Ch2;Pg24; Be my sweet potato

I'd be yours if you'd be mine. That's from a song (not my title of this post) off the Mumford and Sons album. I love it and it is one of the songs I tried describing before that builds up so much emotion in me. When hope is lit on fire and there's nothing else to say. Those times when you can look at someone, know, and have nothing to say are some of the greatest moments of time in general and in my time as well. That look. My mom says I may be more of a romantic than my sister Kenzie who's our family romantic. I just love big. That's all. No really, that's all.

Ch2;pg23; illumination

There are three or four kinds of light that I love the most. 1) The light that falls on a person's face that not only makes them look more incredible than ever before but also seems to lift up their spirits and internal light as well. 2) The light before a storm when everything looks oddly flat and detailed all at once but there are gray dark storm clouds above. 3) The summer light before a storm where there is not much light and everything looks tinted and green like you're looking through sun glasses. 4) Autumn light that gives everything a glow that is unattainable by anything else. Those are the lights at least for today that I love the most. I'm glad today is Wednesday though I want it to be tomorrow and Friday as soon as possible. I start on Monday at my new rotation at 9:00AM which is weird to me. I won't have to get up at 4:30am unless I want to go on an incredibly long run and still have time to burn. I'm leaving in a bit for Bay City, for Breakfast DinDin night. I'm excited and I'm ready to put on my comfy clothes and hit the road. I hope everyone though might complain that it's cold allows yourself to feel it. I like to have the windows down sometimes to go between very warm heat from the car to ice just for a moment. It lights you up. If you're feeling generous send out your rays of sunshine (like in Jason Mraz' song). We all know that the weather can be enough to take a person out especially when they're already down. Keep sending your light and keep lighting your own.

Ch2;Pg22; Hope in the Darkness

What's up Tuesday? That feels like Monday that felt like the longest Monday ever. That I wish was Friday or Saturday or Winter or Spring or graduation or I don't know. It seems to me that we all want time to pass at our leisure but we need more of it or sometimes want less of it. I think it's best to just make the most of the time that you have each day. For me, sometimes that means blocking my time out. Sometimes that means planning ahead and not stopping the to-do list mode until it's actually done. My list included a store stop after internship WHICH I can't believe Chapter two is coming to close this Friday...it's quite crazy people. Everyone at the hospital today gave me warm welcomes back and it really made me quite happy :) also it included me buying on sale flowers at said store. Tip for living on your own. Make your apartment homey by lighting the candles when you get home and get cozy. I really needed to do some bathroom cleaning as well as vacuuming. Then some organizing, some left over eating, um some SAM ICHATTY TIME, and then as much sleep as I can force my body to take. Are you enjoying reading about my daily life? Sometimes I have something that's been on my mind all day so I share it with you but sometimes there's only certain things to share then I just go rambling on about my day. I wish I was going to the Post Secret event at CMU tonight but it's going to get out so late and given that I'm barely a full week out from surgery I know it would be better to get my rest. PostSecret means a lot to me, I feel like everyone has secrets and I know I've shared many of mine with you even if you didn't know it. Sharing secrets usually feels good...right now I'm not sure about that but that is a very personal feeling at the moment and it's one that changes with me as I grow and as things happen. I hope it's really awesome life changing for some people. I love those events you go to and a spark hits you in the face and wakes up some part of you that either never existed or was long missed. I guess I'll share this thought with you. Today as I drove to and from Saginaw I listened to (of course) the new Mumford and Sons album. I can't stop listening to it actually. Well, each song strikes me in a different way but hmm okay it's like a harp. One part of me is plucked like the string and then another and another. They're all different but they harmonize beautifully and play together (if played rightly). Meaning, the songs hit me but they're all apart of some common theme. I'm not sure what it is yet because I have not pin pointed my thoughts that carefully. Sometimes I'll sing the songs and get so emotional because of the spark in my face that I tear up or my voice tears up rather. That's it for that thought today. Maybe I'll summarize that better again some day. Another thing I noticed? That burning sensation in your upper nose when the tears are coming. Mind you I'm talking about tears that I experienced while singing these songs and they're not sad, happy, angry or anything tears. They're just there and they just come and maybe it's because the moment is beautiful or maybe it's because you have hope and faith that gets stirred into crazy conjectures and you almost know what's going to happen. I don't know people, I might just be rambling but I think at least for me I'm on to something. Well, time for some noms. In honor of PostSecret I leave you with one of mine. At this very moment, I'm not wearing pants.

Ch2;Pg21; Plan, Scheme, Design. Just do it.

Monday funday. So I got to sleepysleepy in a bit today since I am interning at the VA and we celebrate Columbus day. Then I made some b-fast and went to the doctor to get my wounds all checked out. They had no mercy ripping the bandages off of me which was quite painful. However, the incisions are tiny which is nice and they're healing just fine. My appetite should come back to normal soon and no more vicodin because it's giving me hives. I'll admit it was nice to just fall asleep so easily but when it starts to cause itchy hives, not so good. So I did some goodwill shopping and got some gas in the car and drove to Mount Pleasant. I went to THIS: Kyle Eveleth, English, will be presenting his work entitled, Tricks, Codes, and Tips: Tricky Language, Participatory Elements, and Transmedial Storytelling in Scott Pilgrim; or “Sex, Lies, and Video Games,” on Monday, October 8, 2012 at 1:30pm. The defense is being held in Anspach Hall, Room 215B. Dr. Bill Wandless is the Committee Chair. All interested parties are invited to attend.: and was apart of the parties that attended. SOOOO much of what was said in that room was crazy above my vocabulary and just over my head in general but it was extremely fascinating to listen to. Kyle, shout out, you did great and you answered the questions without nerves or stutters or anything! (he was a bit nervous, which uh, i would have been sweating buckets, I WAS sweating buckets for him) crazy stuff. But he did splendidly, I was glad I got to watch and with Justin too! It was great to see Alex and Kyle and I am wishing them a safe trip back to Kentucky. After the horror was done and clapping had ended, it was time to go to the bar. The bird was the words and then Justin and I headed out. I visited some peeps in larzy which was fantastical :))) It was nice to see the lit up faces when I whizzed around and it made me miss the dorms a little, but then I got back to the quiet of my apartment and I'm thankful for all I learned there but glad to be in my own space now. I'm already thinking about my endless possibilities for where I'll move after the internship though some things are in the way of those thought processes. I'm getting tired and really need to hit the hay. Here's my closing thoughts. If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. I came across that today and it's so true. Very applicable to anything you're trying to do in life. Also, I came across this in my facebook newsfeed by Caitlin Cheevers, "You may lead, or you may follow, but eventually you will have to move." It really resonated with me and I'm going to leave you to think about what both mean to you. Oh. I may be doing a lil creative writing on the side herrr. Might be great might be dumb either way, it's happening.

Ch2;Weekendend; Back Up Baby

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QB0ordd2nOI Welcome to Sunday. After not as much sleep as normal (but that's okay cause I got to talk to a friend that I've known since baby-hood) I was a lil groggy but I went on an Adventure with Aby today. We drove, well she drove cause I can't drive yet, to the Tunnel of Trees which was from Harbor Springs to the next north little town on M119. It was STELLAR and even if the tunnel wasn't exactly what we expected, we had a phenomenal trip and finished it with the lovely TaySwift. We had hunger pains like none other though and we hated everyone and everything until we finally got some freaking Qdoba in good ol' mount pleasant. Home with Tayswift and now I'm writing annnnnd yeah. I gots all snuggly in my sweat pants and sweatshirt and I have some thinking to do about things. It felt really good though to get off of my couch and still sit for the days but do it elsewhere. I was starting to mentally just FLIP A LID. haha kind of but I just have had so many instances of sitting for too long of times. Like after ACL surgery. Sitting. Sitting. Sitting. Laying. Sitting. It mentally taxes a person. I'm just super done with all of this. I'm glad I get tomorrow as a day off since it's Columbus Day woot. I have some plans for tomorrow..we'll see what happens. I'm also excited to dive into some of the jams and noms I picked up today at a place called the American Spoon that we found, that's a treasure cove right there. Super good. Oh a side note. My belly button is eating the cotton ball that was placed over / in it after surgery. Like for realz. The bloating in my abdomen is FINALLY going down (not as quickly as I would like) but it's getting there. Thankfully tomorrow I go in for them to remove / change / examine how I'm doing. I feel like I'm on the mend but I'm still pretty sore too. I guess that's what happens when they cut into you in three different places, inflate you with gas and take out a lil organ. Blah. I just need this to be the end of this long hall I've been going through. Please body, please whatever's doing this, pleaes fate, please Gah just whatever it is just stop and leave me alone already. I have things to think about and work on now and I should call my mommma and then go to sleep because I am super tired and I'm done for the night. I've successfully sung some good songs and I have just finished watching some very emotional SYTYCD auditions (yes I miss dance probably more than anything in my life. It's awful) annnnnd I should like wrap this up and stop typing. Hiphip hooray it's almost Monday and I have things to do.

ch2;weekend; Cuss & Sing

I love babysitting. This morning I got to watch Little Bear, Thomas the Train and Sesame Street. I used to love Little Bear. The little one I was watching started dozing off with Little Bear and so did I. I made velveeta macaroni and cheese and apple slices and juice for lunch. I'm using many and's today but I don't give a cuss. Aby's coming to kidnap me soon. I'm really looking forward to a day of adventuring. ---- SO Aby came and kidapped me and we enjoyed us some Bay City Film Festival. We got some coffee at the most amazing coffee shop, seriously super cool! Met some of Aby's friends and laughed too much which hurt my stitches! Howevers we enjoyed some amazing food at a Vegan restaurant, well they served meat as well but had vegan options. Needless to say though, that place is a definite win I can't wait to eat my left overs, yum yum! More film festival, some odd short films but some good ones too! Incest the musical...hilarious lol. Now I'm hommmme and with lil schmitty on my spot on the couch. Talked with my Laura-Poo haha I hope you read this laura and laugh at that :) but. Guess what guys? I'm kind of tired of this whole surgery sick surgery heal don't work out don't baerlja;lkmwelkrjawlekj. Kind of sick of it. You might get some negativity in these posts but I'll try to keep it out of here. There's not need for me to get it out in a blog when I can just talk to someone else. Remember I mentioned talking to someone (in an earlier post) is good for you! I iChatted with my mom and dad and kelsey last night which was very fun and nice to see everyone. Usually the home internet sucks but now that they have a new router it's easier to actually ichat. My medicine is kicking in. I can't wait to get these cussing wraps and stitches and whatever is under them off because they're driving bat cuss crazy. I also walk like a pregnant woman which is not fun either. The little guy I babysat wanted me to pick up and started dragging my arms down and all I could think of was my intestines ripping apart. Thankfully he's a great kid to watch and he understood why I couldn't lift him. -- To those who are stressing about midterms, loads of work, the weather getting colder, big tests coming up, the GRE (good luck Christian!), grad schools, school now, school later, friend time, anything! Well, I'm thinking of you all and I'm sending good thoughts your way. Everyone comes with many things on their plates. We have different sized plates, different numbers of plates and different things on our plates. Regardless, there is a lot going on in everyone's life. Always take time to sort out the plates and items and know that it's all going to pass and you'll have new plates and things on them in no time. I'm all over the map again kind of and I'm just going to go ahead and blame the medicine and call it a night. I'm ready to sleep and just yeah..just cussin' sleep. I bid you all goodnight, good day and don't forget to celebrate colombus day on Monday. I will be celebrating by a day off from the VA hospital that is unrelated to my appendix. Stealing from a song, my little prayer is this "keep the earth beneath my feet [and yours too]"

Ch2;Pg20parttwo; Exhaustion

I'll sing because it doesn't hurt. I'll walk as long as I can stand my back stretching and using all of its muscles to keep my abdomen up. I'll look past the bloating in my abdomen and I'll sleep on the couch because it's too hard to get in and out of my bed. I'll walk like I'm pregnant because I'm waddling to make it less painful. I want to sleep. I want to control my dreams. Don't you want to control your dreams sometimes? I mean I'd fly in every dream if I had the choice. But I'd like to just turn off dreams or certain dreams. I am next in line for the apartment above the Ucup at cmu for next year if I want it. Depends on the current tenant. I also am planning ahead and what am I doing? Why am I planning now? Because I can and planning ahead generally ends better for everyone. I don't know what else to write about right now because I just want to sleep and not write to you all because tonight I'm complainy and whiney and I just want to curl up and sleep. Tonight, I'm letting out a sigh :( I'm tired

Ch2;pg20part1; Break please?

I make this part one of page 20 because i'll probably write again. I'm waiting for medicine to kick in. I woke up with my sore throat hurting more and I look in the mirror, open my mouth and find white spots in the back of my throat, no not on my tonsils. I also wake to realize that antibiotics mess with your birth control, yes my friend and sister and mom all mentioned that but so far it was a "light" messing with my birth control. Nope, now I have a period I shouldn't along with cramps and back pain. SO COOL. I'm tired. I'm achy. Luckily my abdomen is a little less sore today which is a positive. I watched The Notebook. Man does that just make ya cry. But it was better than I thought it would be. Le sigh. I need to add something to this post so that you guy don't lose wind reading these as this one is rather complainy. Well I actually dozed for a second there meaning the medicine i kicking in thank goodness. So side note so you don't all stop reading my bloggy? Um, let's see...sometimes it's okay to spend a little more money on yourself when you know it's going to make you feel better. With money, it's important to budget of course, but sometimes you just gotta let loose with it and not worry that you'll go broke. Sometimes it's okay to spend a little more on you. But don't get all carried away and go spending all your money on useless things...but go on buy that medium o large latte. and i'm falling asleep.someone make me eel beter with magical powers pelase

Ch2;Pg 19; Hot soup, tea, and temperatures

Oh dear. It's 4:33 am I had to wake up and pee which I think I held it too long because my bladder hurts. I feel very cold and achy at this hour but i grabbed another blanket, I think I'll try calling my dad soon because he's driving home today and usually drives at odd hours in the morning. I really don't know how he does it. Though if today were a normal day (i.e. if I had not gotten my appendix out) I would just be getting up and getting ready to leave for the VA hospital. ---- I actually wrote a lot more this morning but upon re-reading it not a sentence of it made sense. The fever then and feeling tired got to me. The low grade fever and now sore throat, sore tummy, sore everything is getting to me. I am achy I am hot and then freezing, I'm pooping though and I don't care if you don't care about that because I care about that! It's a very good sign because if I hadn't by now that would be a bad sign in terms of the healing process goes for an appendectomy. I'm still trying to take very deep breaths. They had me use a breathing tool and you can ask Rachell how I never reached my goal inhalation marker :/ sadly. It's because they don't want you to get pneumonia but I'm not going to get pneumonia. I'm going to go make myself some more chicken broth and hot apple cider and hot tea and curl up and put on a movie. I got inspired a little today about a new hobby but I'm not ready to share it. I promise you'll hear eventually but honestly for now I need to rest. I mentioned I like guests :) but if you're going to visit you may want to call seeing as I slept randomly and without warning throughout the entire day today. Again, I must say how blessed I am and how thankful I am for the great people in my life who are constantly checking in on me, who talk with me all day (Rachell and I worked her shift basically together!), who listen to me whine about feeling like poo, who are drawing / painting me things, who are sending me thoughts of healing etc, I really wanted to get off of the vicodin today but that's not going to happen and since I took it about 20 minutes ago I'm starting to have a harder time typing and putting thoughts together. I keep taking my temperature to make sure it doesn't get any higher and I did I mention I am also thankful for having a nurse sister too? I called her to talk about my new symptoms and she calmed me down about it which is nice. My sisters are incredible. They mean the world to me and I am so lucky how they drop what they're doing to talk to me or don't even ask questions and Kelsey went home to watch the house/dogs while my mom came up here. My dad talked to me a lot today while he was driving home just to hear my voice and my mom and I practically lived together these last few days as she is constantly checking on me too. All in all I have a great BOEHME family, amazing friends who are like family, a cat that even though she's ill she's comforting me....thank you everyone. Your support is helping me in ways that you can't understand. It's been a long hall for me lately and I could give up and throw in the towel and throw up my white flag but why would I do that? Why wouldn't I fight on? Remember how i mentioned running a half marathon in November? Like hell is that going to happen now. No running for at least two weeks and no strenuous exercise. It's incredible how quickly something you really want can be shot down but you cannot let yourself stay knocked down. As Rocky Balboa say's, "The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very rough, mean place... and no matter how tough you think you are, it'll always bring you to your knees and keep you there, permanently... if you let it. You or nobody ain't never gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit... it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward... how much you can take, and keep moving forward. If you know what you're worth, go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit." Rocky is right I have been taking hits left and right, I mean for god sakes this is my 5th surgery in under two years and I'm tired of it guys, I really am. But I refuse to stay down. I may need to stay down on this couch for a little while longer but I refuse to wilt away. So, do me a favor and be strong yourselves. We're all so busy, we all have so many things going on in our lives but please try and take a moment to be thankful for what you have, be extra kind to people even when you don't know how, and do things for yourself and others. Just be a good person, the rest will fall into place. Did any of that post make sense? I'm a rambler when I'm on drugs apparently. One time Becky recorded a video of me after I nearly broke my nose and while I won't say what was on that video, I miss that time when my friends gathered around me. I still have them but currently it's just me and my cat who are physically here. Don't be afraid to reach and don't be afraid to try and help and don't be afraid of what knocks you down, just fight back and keep getting stronger. I'm seriously rambling outtta control right now folks, time to grab my hot tea and movie. Keep faith. v>

Ch2;Pg18; Pain, Discomfort, Daydreaming and Mumford&Sons,

Well goodmorning to a lazy and relaxing day. I'm trying to walk / pace through my apartment for 5-10 minutes per hour because they said that will help my intestines work properly again. This is probably TMI but who cares! It also causes "flatulence" or farts lol which honestly feel really good after I let them out. They hurt though too but I can feel my intestines moving things around. I'm honestly terrified of being constipated because I had an awful experience with that after my ACL surgery last December. On that note...I really want to be done with this whole up and down sickness stuff. I swore to myself to keep healthy and all of the doctors told me I was. My blood pressure is impeccible and I'm not bragging but I'm just glad that I've stuck to my personal promise of getting healthier and healthier all the time. It's a constant life mission to be honest. No one is "healthy" and then it's like over, no! It's an on-going battle because no one is perfect and everyone gets sick somehow sometime or another. I guess what I mean is that, if your goal is to be "healthy" then know that you're in it for life and it's not one you should ever let go of. Will you slip up? Yes. Will you sometimes eat unhealthy or do unhealthy things? Of course. Don't beat yourselves up. Just keep moving forward. So are you unhealthy or doing unhealthy things? Sure you are! Well the first step is to admit to them yourselves, try talking out loud or writing them down. It's okay to admit them, it's HEALTHY. See? You're already getting better. Now, try talking with them about someone. Maybe you need a counselor or a dear friend by your side, your mom, dad, sibling, grandfather I don't know who! But what I do know is that talking about things and taking action to tlk about them helps. Let's just look at my current situation. Appendectomy- unhealthy because my appendix was all like I"M GONNA GET FULL OF PUS AND INFECT YOU AND MAKE YOU HURT. It's also kind of made my brain freaked out and I'm still trying to wrap my head around all of this. If you know me well you know I've been to hospitals to many times from torn ACLS, sprained ankles, cyst in the wrist, head trauma, a dislocated elbow...a possible broken nose when i was dancing with becky and elise! Yes the list does go on. But now that I've written more and I talk with people more about what's recently happened. I am able to logically think more about it and what I need to do to get better. Many friends and family have already helped me here, my mom cleaned my whole apartment and set me up super nicely so I would have it easy. She's spectacular :) So there, I'm taking steps to get better and reminding myself nutritionally what I need to do to heal faster and keep on making my body stronger. I haven't figured out how to combat dry mouth as a result of the vicodin but I'm working on it. But see? Unhealthy, don't like so I'm reaching out trying to fix it. Oo...my stomach is gurgling which is a good sign. I haven't had an appetite in days really so this is good. If you're bored and wish to visit me in Midland please do :) I'm not so lonely nor bored yet but I love seeing people, I think it makes healing better.

Ch2;Pg 16-17; Appenda-what?!

<3

Totally wish I had that sweatshirt right now! Here we go. Did you miss my posting yesterday? Oh that's because I didn't do one. Many people have asked for a full story so here's the down low. I got sick this weekend with a bad head/chest / achy body everything feels awful kind of cold. It kicked me in the butt and I had mild side pain but didn't think much of it. Said cold got better Sunday and though I still felt run down and my stomach was tender to the touch I just resolved with myself that I was sick. I went into the VAMC on Monday morning for my internship day and put in half a day before I had to call it a day. I drove home and went right to the Urgent Care center. The doctor felt as though I had an appendicitis based on the symptoms I had described and my back was now getting radiating pain near my kidneys. After a urine and blood test I still needed to wait to see how things went. So I went home and took a nap and watched a bad movie on netflix (Conception I think it was called, no good lol) and as I started getting the fever and chills again I took my temp at it was going up and above 99 so I decided (after talking with my momma) that it was time to go to the ER. The ER at MidMich here in Midland....hmm well let's just they must get a lot of traffic and it took a total of four and a half hours to get me from the main waiting room to a room where I could see a nurse/doctor. Finally met with a nurse who was concerned about multiple things like my appendix, my pancreas, kidneys and gall bladder. You know, some fairly important organs (aside from the appendix). The doctor came in and knew I needed a CT Scan...now let me tell you a story! Little did I know that I was going to get a very special kind of CT Scan. This kind required an Enema. Go look that up :) it was the most awkward experience of my life perhaps. Then I had contrast in my IV and felt as though I peed my pants but the feeling fades, I'm wheeled back to my room and wait again. At this point I have friends and family on standby but my four and a half hour wait took up battery life and my phone was near dead. The doctor comes in and is like yeah you have some appendicitis going on and so we'll be doing surgery in the morning sometime. OKay? OKay. And he's gone. The door opens again and my nurse and another doctor comes in and is like okay we're going to prep you for surgery now. The next time span is a blur and they're taking out my hair clips and helping me undress and pack my things. I'm frantically texting and calling my family and my phone goes black and next thing I know I'm lifted to a new bed and wheeled down a hallway. I kind of wish they were running like they do in the movies but I won't get picky. The last things I remember are nurses and anesthesiologists telling me to relax and not worry. I was pretty freaked out I won't lie. Emergency surgery isn't something you mentally prepare yourself for. I was given medicine to help me "relax" and it made me feel warm and fuzzy. Then they're putting me on the table and smiling and talking to me then I woke up in the recovery room. ----- I got taken to my room and Aby was there waiting for me :) It was so great having someone right there when I woke up! It was about 2:30 in the morning and the nighttime staff was just trying to get me comfortable but man was I not. Aby hung out for a bit and left me with all sorts of goodies and took my prized possessions so no one would steal them, and I woke up every hour or so after that to get my vitals taken. Score for Jessi, I have incredible blood pressure. It's a Boehme thing :) But so, sleepy sleepy, trying to pee, on a "clear liquid" diet which means more to me than possibly to you since I study this kind of stuff. I did eventualy move to a full liquid diet. Anywho, my girl Rachell came and spent like the WHOLE day with me which was great, my mom got there at the tail end of it with goodies and her "mom"-ness which everyone needs when you're sick or in a hospital or Oh yeah just had your appendix taken out. So, finally got discharged then got home after making quick trips to a pharmacy and panera for good soup. Then home and nested up with everything I need. Then I slept and Aby and Ben got here to say HAY and brought me an adorable Gourd. They helped my mom get hers and my cars both back to the apartment complex. I ate some food uh tried peeing some more annnnnd mostly now just writing to my audience :) I'm glad things are settling but the pain is still pretty bad. I'm sure it'll get better soon so bear with me while I'm writing and getting through all of this. It's still hard to wrap my head around an emergency surgery, my appendix taken out and this just started happeing about 24 hrs ago now (the process of finally getting into a patient room etc). Well I'm noticing many red squiggly lines under my words and that shows me that I'm tired and ready to call it a night. You're all great, keep the words of love, thoughts and healing coming as well hey they'd make anyone feel better :) You're so wonderful.