Ch7:Pg15: In summer air

A day of Jessi time. This day was glorious and much needed...although if I could have squeezed a few more hours of sunshine and reading in, it would have been perfect. I woke up at 6:00 with my sister and made her a scrumptious egg, potato and green bell pepper dish and lazily went through the rest of my morning sipping coffee and trying to get my hair off my neck. I got ready, felt primped yet comfortable and headed out toward the Woodland Mall. I'm working on being a better navigator so getting myself to the mall was a semi-exciting event for me. I was early for mall openings which was good because I spent a huge chunk of time going through Barnes and Noble. I fell in love with a pile of books and decided I should only buy two to get me started. Both are about food and food writing which will help broaden my horizons as I hone in on what I want my future blog to be about. I want to write a book one day. It's totally going to happen :) Moving on, I strolled through the mall in and out of stores and found various things to purchase as long as they were on sale...which was good because everything was on sale. I enjoyed Black Chai tea from starbucks, eventually headed home, and changed into one of my new shirts and walked over to....the ZOO :D I also bought new sunglasses today and felt like I had a superpower going to the zoo in my magenta pants, cool layers, scarf, camera and awesome new sunglasses. There is magic in buying new things..and I felt a bit of magic in me this afternoon. The animals were exciting to see and some of them made me giddy and squeal much like the young children who said things like, "HEY WHAT KIND OF ANIMAL ARE YOU?! (To the mountain lion, then he cried when the "big kitty" looked at him.) or "That's a big hamster (to the Capabara)." Anywho, so I took a bunch of photos and got a chance to edit them later on. Kelsey got home and we went for a fast 3 mile run in the sunshine, got changed and went to Marie Catribs for dinner! SO delicious. I had a quinoa sweet potato burger that was sublime. A little froyo to follow it, singing together in the car and we're home from a long, but awesome day (well Kelsey worked so I don't think hers was quite as awesome) and now to finish it watching Les Miserables. Finally. I'm not ready to go back to Midland but we'll see what it brings, J.

Ch7:Pg14: Breath in, breath out...breathe out more.

Let me share my experience through Hot Yoga today at the Funky Budha Yoga Hothouse. Starting off class I was cranky and I don't know that I truly accepted why that was until my shower later on when I was like...oh. Duh. When the light bulb clicked in like it does every time I take a good yoga class. Yoga forces me to confront things that I don't want to confront. It forces me to put the good back in and pull the bad out. It brings me to tears, in a good way I suppose. Through the upward dogs, downward dogs, warriors, crosses, trees...you name it and we were workin it. The room was packed with women and I believe three men and everyone was breathing together and moving together. The instructor was incredible I should have thanked her personally after class. As we finished and I laid with my head down, turned on my right side like fetal position the tears started to shimmer down and around my cheeks. My face was calm and my muscles felt so relaxed that the tears just came out. This has happened before so I wasn't freaked out or confused by it. It's even happened when I'm not in yoga, if I'm just lying down and focusing on breathing/meditating and before I know it theres a small pool of water on the pillow. Please guys, this is a good thing! I felt such a release of demons I know are buried inside me and I felt so accepting of myself. In general I fight demons and dragons and I believe in myself as the powerful and strong woman I am...but in yoga I become small and humble. I become so grounded in life that it takes a moment to rock me back in. As I come back from the ground it's like having a piece of you soul sing and all you can do is listen and let it guide you. Wow, okay I know how this sounds. It sounds a little hoaxy to some of you and I couldn't give two poops about that. Read it as you will, this is how it felt tonight. Like I was breathing in heavens and breathing out hells. Not religiously but in a faith kind of way..wow I don't know. Let's just leave it at Yoga is becoming more apart of my weekly routine and my life as I work toward my inner peace. In other news, I had my last day at the YMCA today! I powerhoused through tons of projects and evaluations and was left alone all day as everyone else was at a big long team meeting. This was a good thing because I got to go through things quickly in my fashion without disturbances. The program Cooking Matters teaches exactly what the title says. It MATTERS. Cooking matters because it brings together families at the table, it matters because cooking our food from scratch (as much as possible) makes our dishes taste more of home and can help them be more nutritious. Why? In the Cooking Matters program, we teach people how to use fresh ingredients, whole grains, lean meats, little salt and guess what? People love the recipes and are always astonished by their unique tastes. I hope this class stays in my future and that I'm back to GR before I know it. I still haven't heard about the grad housing at CMU, so many things are still up in the air and oh yeah...I have one more rotation...ONE. MORE. ROTATION. The half marathon is coming. The 25K is coming after that. Grad classes. Races. Trainings. Writing. Reading. FUCKING SUNSHINE. A lot is going on in my mind right now. So work with me as I'm working toward inner peace, I wish that for you as well. Cause I'll kneel down, and know my ground, J.

Ch7:Pg13: Tonight I'm gonna dance, for all that we've been through

Tonight I'm gonna dance, for me and you. Tonight I'm gonna dance with my whole heart and soul. Tonight I'm gonna dance like I've been meaning to. Tonight I'm gonna dance I'll dance for me and you. Tonight I'm gonna dance and take off my shoes. Tonight I'm gonna dance, I'm gonna dance, I'm gonna dance here with you. Tonight I decided to write about dance (duh) but it doesn't (this blog post) just mean to literally dance. Dance is a metaphor for life for me. This post was also inspired but some T-Swift. This post was also inspired by being out in downtown GR tonight with my little sister Stephany and my older sister Kelsey getting some delicious frozen yogurt. This blog post also brought to you by a slightly stressed intern trying to cram a million things to finish into tomorrow's final work day at the YMCA due to offices being closed on Good Friday. I will write more eventually when I have more time. I've got a lot of writing prompts I'd like to test out and I've got some sleeping to do. Running five miles this morning was excellent, my knee cooperated and we'll see how I feel tomorrow. Tonight, though, I'm gonna dance. Dancing through life, J.

Ch7:Pg12: Awaiting Answers

From a blog I read today, "Love...Love isn’t something we are often given, but rather a gift for which we must be willing to put up a fight." This has many meanings in our lives and that goes the same for me. That's all for tonight. I'd like to write more but my head hurts, it has been a long day and Jillian Michael's just kicked my ass for the second time today. Sweetest of dreams to you, J.

Ch7:Pg11: We want more, we want more

The weekend was lovely and once again I felt my time was best spent elsewhere instead of writing on my computer..in this blog anyways. I'm in the beginning phases of my future site and working on posts for Around the Plate. I'm in love with Grand Rapids and the harsh realization that at least for a little while this is my last week here is hitting me pretty hard. Currently, Lola (Kelsey's roomate's (Sarah) dog) is snuggling with me and must have known tonight has been a little harder than other nights with stress etc. She's a sweetie. Tonight I decided to use Gazelle Girl's image they loaded to their Facebook page as a writing prompt. (See..image lol). P.s. three weeks until the Gazelle Girl Half Marathon! I'm getting so excited and tonight I ran 6 miles with Kelsey and that felt pretty good. My left knee hurt a bit but stretching has become my middle name. The more annoying thing is this king in my shoulder that radiates to my neck. This happened before where I woke up and needed help actually getting out of bed because the kink is so bad! Urgh. ANYwho. Prompt, here we go. ~ More sleep to give images and acts to my wildest dreams and hopes. More music to soothe me and help me find my peace. More tea to calm the nerves and warm my heart (I am currently sipping cake black tea!). More books to learn from and lose myself in imagination and stories. :What I really need is more time, as Rachell and I were discussing today, it would be wonderful to just have one day of sitting, reading and drinking tea: More sunsets to watch and stare pensively into (don't we all do that?). More creating day dreams and make believe games like, let's walk down this neighborhood and make up stories about who lives here. More long walks to have time to make up said stories and to have time to just breathe outside and enjoy being on your own or with others. More laughter to make your worries seem smaller. More hugs to feel the comfort we all crave. More dreaming in the day time. More road trips to remind yourself that there is always more out there and you haven't seen it all. More fun activities that challenge you creatively and spiritually. More love because more love. We need these things. I need those things. With love, always, J.

Ch7:Pg10: Skin & Bones

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I0YvCNWfnF0 -Only this link is needed tonight. I'm glad the week is over. xo, J

Ch7:Pg9: Convince Me

"Convince me that the Universe wants to be noticed." Another writing prompt. Thank you to the book, The Fault in Our Stars. So, does the Universe demand to be noticed? Does it try? I think it does and it doesn't. How vague right? I believe it wants to be noticed through it's beauty. What is it's beauty? Exactly? I think it's personal, it could be the first dandelions of summer time, sunsets, snow flakes, wind, dirt, animals...nature focused maybe. Or maybe it's natural disasters that make us notice the Universe through tragedy and loss. Perhaps it's change. Or maybe death and life. Maybe it's the solar system or stars. Maybe it's bugs or the "circle of life." Maybe it's rhythm or music and maybe it's just you. Does the Universe want to be noticed by giving warnings with its ozone layer? Maybe the Universe wants to be noticed because it doesn't want to be forgotten. Maybe the Universe is human like the rest of us, we don't want to be forgotten. We don't want to go unnoticed and we don't want to be lost in the world. Death reminds us that life can end at any time, pain that demands to be felt reminds us that we have feelings, joy reminds us that being happy is a beautiful feeling, laughter reminds us to take heart and have fun, being active reminds us that our bodys need good nutrition and activity to be healthy. Again, these are just my thoughts and you may have more of your own. But I do know that the Universe wants to be noticed and I want to be notice it and I want to be noticed. Convince me that you want to be noticed, convince me that you're worth it, and convince the universe that you will notice it. So does the Universe want to be noticed? Yes, but it wants you to notice yourself in it too. Convince me and then we'll figure it out, J.

Ch7:Pg8: Silence vs Inner Peace

Being at peace. Learning how to have peace within. I found a writing prompt that said "what does having inner peace mean to you?" To me? Gosh that means a lot of things right now. But I want to try and write about it tonight because it is definitely something I'm learning to have and trying to strive for. So. Inner peace? To me it doesn't have to be religious based because I do not find my clarity in religion. I find beautiful stories and lovely ways to teach about morality and life but I do not get a sense of clarity and perhaps that's why I've always questioned my "faith." The way I feel faith is more in my assurance that I'm making my choices on my own, with my mind, my heart and my beliefs. So is faith peace? I don't think it is. At least not right now? Maybe that's because my faith has been wavering more than usual and my faiths keeps changing as a whole. Peace though? I'm not at complete peace right now. I'm working through writing, meditation, yoga, drinking more water, eating healthy and being active to achieve inward peace. Inward peace is treating my body with respect and especially my mind. I'm hard on myself sometimes and I tend to take blame when I really shouldn't and this causes a disruptance in my personal peace of mind. Being at peace with my faith and my feelings no matter what they are and when they happen is learning to accept them for what they are and accept what has caused them. Accepting that sometimes being silent is the best way to get your message across. Accepting that many times you're not going to get the clarity you deserve because it's just not that easy. For me, learning to find peace within myself is accepting all of those things and turning the negatives, the worries, the sadness, the stress into more positive aspects in my life. Channeling them out through yoga or writing, finding new things to learn, pinterest-ing, drinking water to stay fueled/hydrated/feeling good...Channeling when I'm unsure or wish I had clarity into passion. Passion that will carry me farther than clarity and farther than negativity, the games and the twists and turns that keep you on a staircase going down instead of up. Is this making any sense? It's my inner peace, not yours so maybe you can learn something from mine and bring it home as well. Inner peace...my inner peace is being okay with the unknowns, being okay with anything in life that happens and learning to keep on going no matter what. Am I tired of my internship? Yes. Am I tired of not being able to run for a few weeks due to my knee hurting? Yes. Am I tired of many other things including being tired!? Yes of course I am. But being at peace will keep me going. Being at peace keeps my faith going. Being at peace and learning to increase that peace with myself and my mind doesn't mean I've forgotten. It doesn't mean I'm doing anything except being. Being at peace means knowing that the elephants in the room might stay for dinner and sometimes you just need to get them a chair and let them sit with you. I cannot be told it cannot be done. Make peace with yourself, then make peace with others, and I'll make peace with you - J.

Ch7:Pg7: Dah funk

I simply can't put words into anything right now. I'm pooped. My sister made a kick ass vegetarian quinoa chili and it's my girl Rachell's 22 birthday tomorrow = two kick ass things, two kick ass people and two people I love. I wish my sister Kenzie didnt have to be back in Alabama today, but I'm glad we got to watch the Biggest Loser finale last night with her. I wish I would stop having nightmares and I wish I had more to say tonight but not tonight. I wish you well dreams and well Wednesdays.

Ch7:Pg6: I never stopped

Phew, did you miss me guys? Family time this weekend was great and I didn't want to take myself away from any of it by writing here. Some writing I did do, however, was in my new moleskin journal dedicated to my future blog/site as a RD. Guess what? I have a title/domain that is going to be mine! I don't want to reveal it now but get ready because it is going to be awesome. I got that moleskin journal and did some writing exercises and I sat for a while daydreaming about this future possibility..I see myself in a nicely lit room (by sunlight) with a big wide desk and comfy desk chair, with my laptop or journal in front of me waiting for me to write and teach and grow. This weekend was so nice. Seeing Kenzie in her wedding dress...she looked absolutely stunning and I was at a loss for words to do it justice. She found the one and she knew the second she came out in it :) So, so awesome. Being with mom, dad, kenz, kels, dogs, puppies, and some snuggle time with my kitty cat...it was a good weekend. Today was just a blah kind of Monday and a little frustrating too...but then Kenzie and my mom came to GR and we got to try on thee bridesmaid dresses and eat at PF Changs...omg so delicious. I had a Coconut Curry Vegetable Tofu plate with brown rice...so delicious. Moving on, I am watching Biggest Loser Finale with my sisters, curled up and debating over who we think is going to win..but honestly? They're all winners. I can't have too strong of an opinion about the weight loss and nutrition because I don't know what the behind the scenes setting is. However, they're moving forward in their lives and battling demons that are very real in many of our lives too. Think about it, the quote (one that I love), "Be kind, for everyone you know is fighting a hard battle." It's terribly true. There are stories to everyone and stories that haven't happend yet. Part of why I'm passionate about nutrition is because of the emotional connection we have to our food, our tables, our snacks and desserts. I want to continually work on my own emotional connection to food and lifestyle and help others as well. I don't know everything and I don't have the answers. I hope we figure them out soon, J. Believe in it.

Ch7:Pg5: Rinse & Repeat

Sorry folks, family is more important than blogging and thus took my time up last night. It's early for me to be awake on a Saturday. I woke up around 6:15 in a sweat from a nightmare that has reoccurred before, but I hope does not reoccur again. This nightmare always starts the same but the ending usually changes a bit. I still never get to the person I have to get to in time but this time physical screams in my dreams as least were released and I woke up terrified that the dream actually occurred. In my dream I was also running on a 13.1 mile course only that stinks because I haven't run much this week due to my knee. Le sigh. Enough of the sap. My family is all home! Kelsey and I picked a tan and sunburnt (we hate her) Kenzie from the airport and ventured home to have pizza, puppy play time, and Wii pictionary time. Instead of having the pizza, I made my own little mini tofu pizzas. English muffin bread toasted with pizza squeeze light on top, tofu cooked with garlic powder and basil and a little cheese on top...yum yum. Week one at the YMCA is over which I'm glad for, mainly because I am ready to freakin graduate and get a job and continue grad school. That's not too much to ask right? Cool. Well, this is going to be a fun weekend, follow my facebook for photos and hopefully I sleep better tonight. Schmitty hasn't liked being home very much..but hopefully that gets a little better too. Until later today or tomorrow or Monday..have a green safe weekend.

Ch7:Pg4: My kinds your kind, I'll stay the same

Here is a map of my mind today. Everything was boiling over yesterday and this was a fun way to get everything out on paper and actually it helped my head feel weights had been lifted out of it. Now there's nothing inside.ha ha ha...ha. Okay bad joke but in all seriousness it did help. This map doesn't even begin to show the personal sides of my life because sorry guys, no map could do it any justice for the time being. I worked a lot at my computer today which was alright and then Julie and I taught the first lesson of a cooking matters series to a group of adults who were a lot of fun. A very lively group is great, but the saying "too many cooks in the kitchen" rings truer to me everyday. However, we had an actual chef with us today too and that was great because I learned some new things as well! I had this morning off because I worked later into the night and boy was that nice. Kelsey and I did the P90x shoulders and back work out which was good, I got to relax and shower and watch some news while working on my posts for around the plate. It was so sunny I decided to walk around the neighborhood kelsey lives in for a mile so that was great! Nommed up some delicious lunch and made my way to the YMCA yet again taking another route and yet again feeling slightly confused about it. Once I'm used to an area, I'm fine, but it's going to take some time to get used to Grand Rapids driving etc. By the time I'm familiar I'll be heading back to Midland! It's weird thinking about my apartment there, the bed getting cold and nothing being used. Weird. Anywho, Julie (one of the nutrition educators) and I had some lovely chats in the car drive over to the center where we did the cooking class. Julie started talking about how I have many layers and I said yes, I'm like an onion. She share with me some personal layers of her own and then I did too and before I knew it we were both sharing things that I never expected to share during the internship. I try to keep certain aspects of my life seperate but I really enjoyed talking to her and trust her already and that, my friends was a beautiful thing. Like I said, there are some things that I can't map out and believe me I've tried...it gets too complicated and really it's not all the complicated at all. You dig? Word. Alright, well I should pack up a bag for the weekend and go to bed early since Kelsey and I tend to talk and then laugh our assess off right before we go to bed. My dad had brought my twin mattres / frame from home (my old bed) and I am so thankful that my mom suggested that over an air mattress (that was my idea). Man oh man. I'm looking forward to sleep. To more quiet away from the maps and roads colliding in my mind and time away from the maps I can't draw yet. Calming the roads and leaving the passenger side door open still, J.

Ch7:Pg3: Hope and Injury.

Ever have those days when you have a lot going on in your head and you don't feel like you have a minute to just sit down and get through all of them? Like when you know you need to do x, y, and z but a, b, and c haven't been started yet. Today the whole damn alphabet is jumbled so my brains feeling a little fried. I'm really starting to try to focus and hone in on what I want to do as a career. Geeze, when I'm thinking about my previous rotations I've said to you all a bunch of different types of careers I'd like to pursue! At least I'm very open and accepting of change right? Right. Well, I'm looking forward to the weekend for a number of reasons...My whole family will get to spend time together as we're picking up Kenzie from the airport this Friday early evening! :D Other plans will hopefully be followed through and I can catch my breath for a bit. I'm not gasping for air but I feel my oxygen supply has been stolen, just a bit. Sadly...I'm not going to stick to my training plan and run 13 miles this Saturday :( I'm thinking this is part of why I'm so frantic in my mind today because I don't want to think about my knee. Yes, folks. Something is going on in my left knee and that's not the one I had ACL repair done in. It is really not feeling good and started really twinging during the run I did with my sister just two days ago. I'm pretty disappointed and not happy about it so I did an hour and a half of yoga to compensate but it's not the same..Running has given me an outlet I knew I needed but couldn't find a way to before. :/ I'm kind of bummed and though I know mileage wise, I can run the half marathon...I need to make sure I prevent further injury by not pushing whats hurting now. Not a fan but I'm going to keep trying. Aside from that and work and writing posts etc for Around the Plate (Check it out Aroundtheplate.org -if you haven't already) and see what it's all about! I'm trying to think about the RD exam but that's also not in my radar right now...sigh..the main thing in my radar right now is sitting with my sister and drinking tea to relax before bedtime. She just made me a cup, it's piping hot, and I need to unwind. The last thought on my mind I'll share with you all is one I've shared before. Hope. "Hope, it is the only thing stronger than fear," said President Snow in The Hunger Games. It is, but fear is a strong competitor. I have hope, J.

Ch7:Pg2: It's still written (certains and uncertains)

Phew. Today was a long day guys! At the YMCA I'm going to be working with the community outreach groups and a lot with the "Cooking Matters" groups. This afternoon I taught with Shelby and we worked with a group of refugees from Burmese, Africa and Nepal. No one spoke more than a few basic words of English and it was really interesting to teach nutrition and cooking with interpreters. Cooking Matters is a great program that is Nationwide and covers many demographics, backgrounds and areas. It's about teaching the importance of nutrition, cooking, and understanding/being aware of what you're eating. It's a six week (once a week) course and today we taught people about whole grains, vegetables and fruits and another group about the basics of food groups. Needless to say, I'm really enjoying the variety of teaching opportunities I'm getting here. It's amazing to help people with nutrition who genuinely want to learn and are listening to the words you say. No, not everyone cares or listens. But I"ll be damned if those who want to learn won't have access to this information. This is who I am as an intern and future RD. I am an advocate of health, wellness, nutrition and it is my job and mission to spend my time getting these messages across. It's who I am. It's who I'm learning to become and it's going to change and it's not always going to be fun or easy, but it is at least one part of me I have certainty of...and that's a good feeling. I know not everyone has certainty, I just hope you have certainty of at least one thing in your lives no matter how small or large. Having one period (dot, not length of time) of certainty (or hey maybe a length of time) is what makes all of the differences in life. As you all know, you have uncertainty and there will be times of uncertainty and times when you don't know what to do. I've wanted signs and guidance and it doesn't always come. In those times of uncertainty, it is your behavior and choices that will define your life. Switching gears, I did the "Chest and Back" workout from P90x and while I'm not sure how it's all going to go in the end, it was interesting to just work my chest and back. Yeah simple huh? But it's different than the strength training I have been doing! Well, I'm becoming more and more teary and emotional as I'm watching the Biggest Loser. It's all about reflection and sometimes I need to do that too. Not look back but reflect on all that's happened in my life in the last now almost 5 years (College years). I can't remember everything, but I think it's better that way. You have to keep fighting, said Jackson from the Biggest Loser. Alright, Jackson, I will. J

Ch7:Pg1: Just a second

Welcome to Chapter Seven folks. I'm quite sleepy after running 5.3 miles in the misty rain with the urban fun run I did this evening with Kelsey. My new rotation at the YMCA is awesome and the offices all look over the Grand Rapids Skyline. It's amazing. I am sleep better at night minus waking up to the mice that have been trying to chew through Kelsey's things. I think in just the few days I've been here we've trapped 4 or 5 mice. They're adorable but obnoxious at night when you're trying to sleep. Kelsey and I belted out to some P!nk, one song in particular and I've decided it's my dance song. It's the one. When I find a song that makes me want to leap out of the car (not seriously) and dance in the streets, in the kitchen, the study, office, the stores or the mall...it's the one. Some new things keep popping up in everyday life distracting me and not in bad ways but in new ways. I'm in unfamiliar territory in a number of ways and I wish I knew what was going on at the other end of the line. I leave with this shorter post and promise to tell you more about the YMCA tomorrow when I myself get a better grasp on everything I'll be doing. I hope to type with more certainty and more bold periods someday soon. Bent, J. p.s. I hope my picture today made some of you chuckle.

Ch6:End: Just give me a reason

Buh-bye chapter 6 and hello chapter 7. Midland, we had a good run, sorry to leave you for a couple weeks but I need this change more than you need me. No, no I'm not permanently down in Grand Rapids yet, sadly. I'll be starting a rotation at the YMCA tomorrow and my sister's house is 6 minutes away from it! How lucky is that? Very! So, let's talk about the weekend and whats going on. I went to bed fairly late Friday night after skipping my 3mile run and instead rode the bike while my mom walked on the treadmill. I have fallen asleep faster and slept better in the last few nights than I have in quite some time. My mind's being distracted which has been very soothing. I woke up early however, on Saturday and went for my TWELVE mile rule. Oh yah. Felt really good actually and I wasn't dying at the end. Sadly, I had to do this on the treadmill as the roads I live on were not an option given that they're melting to freezing puddles and the rest is ice. That's alright, I survived. My mom said that my form looks really good and it's hilarious watching me because I smiled at her on my last mile while she was doing P90x and she's like..."last one?" "Yup!" (With a big smile on my face). She said how I will be the female version of the prettiest male runner lol. I don't think I look all too attractive after running but I am smiling and years of ballet have helped me keep my back straight, shoulders back...dance has helped me be aware of my body and how it moves through space. It's pretty great actually. Anywho, so we took care of puppies after that and I had the best milkshake EVER. Maybe not ever, but it was pretty good after my run and loaded with protein. We met Kelsey as her house and moved my stuff in. Kelsey drove us around GR and we did lots of shopping and ate a Trillium Haven. As we were eating I thought about the time I ate at San Chez and passed out afterwards. At least it was after, but that was one of the worst things ever. which...omg it was so delicious. We had a vegetable platter starter, I had a Bourbon Butterball (my sister did too) to drink, a cheesey flatbread for dinner AND bread pudding for dessert..needless to say it was amazing and was great after over two hours of running. Kelsey and I hugged mama goodbye and both being so tired we didn't stay up late but I felt really excited to be living in a new city, starting a new adventure and staying with my sister is a huge bonus. I've decided, so hold me to this readers, that for the next five weeks I'm not going to consume processed foods, junk sugary foods, kettle corn, icecream...etc. Why? Maybe a reader or two will know that I like to experiment with my body and the way I eat. I want to see how I feel running and working out when I don't consume those things. I hope at least some of you are thinking that "wait, it doesn't seem like you eat that a lot Jess!" Guess what, I don't! But even the occasional shake from McDonalds that I had with my preceptor two weeks ago, the kettle corn that I shouldn't buy but adore and can't stop eating, or the "yes I can just have one piece of that candy if I buy it" can slow me down in my goals. I'm also going to change up my training and work on some p90x workouts for strengthening and conditioning and then of course the running will still be happening. This week's mileage is the longest and then we taper down as we get closer to the race. Five weeks away, internship is six weeks away from being done and then I'm on to new things. What new things? Well for starters, I think I'm going to take a break from training (after the 5/3 25k run in May) and prepare my body to....train for a marathon. I'm lucky to have had no injuries (knock on wood) during this training. I'm still deciding but I'm thinking it's going to be a yes. Another thing? I'm going to talk to my studio owner from back home and hope to dance at the May recital. I may try to dance in the honors show if allowed. Well, readers, be sure to stay tuned as Chapter seven takes flight and I begin a new adventure in Grand Rapids. I wish I could share it with you. Stay with me, J.

Ch6:Pg15: Shine

THIRTY SIX DAYS TILL RACE DAY? Holy guacamole. Tomorrow I'm running 12 miles. My mind is a little wired up tonight with finishing up my post for Around the Plate and finishing up everything from my public health rotation. I'm going to miss it honestly. I really liked the rotation and I love working with little kids. Rachael RD and I went to the Brass cafe today which was awesome! I got to leave early too which was great and while Schmitty wasn't incredibly open to staying in a foreign apartment, Kyle was great with her and I am so glad I didn't have to double track back to Midland to pick her up. She's happily sleeping back in her old spot in my old bedroom and the dogs are happy to have me home. Mom and I got to talk and she reminds me of how proud she is of me. It makes me happy :) I try to recall that I've been through a lot in the last year and more honestly. I don't remember right now a lot of last spring. I don't quite know how it all happened anymore. I just know where I am now and where I want to keep heading towards, even if that's not always clear either. It's a beautiful clear, starry night here in Twin Lake, Michigan. Tomorrow I move to Grand Rapids. Tomorrow I run 12 miles. Tonight, I feel it's all in the stars, J.

Ch6:Pg14: Sunset

Thursday kind of snuck up on me. Schmitty is curled next to me, with an increased amount of anxiety due to 1) all of the packing and cleaning I did tonight and 2) She is deathly afraid of the vacuum cleaner. I guess I would be too if I were a cat. I'd be afraid my fur would get sucked off or something. Gross. Anywho. My last day of WIC already tomorrow?? That's weird. These three weeks kind of numbed me out in some ways and made the time fly. I'm finally packed for Grand Rapids and closed my closet so I wouldn't be tempted to grab any additional clothes. I'm pretty proud of myself, I packed pretty light and that was my one goal. I'm through with my food that would spoil which is pretty cool too. Tonight's dinner was a one of a kind "messy jessi" delicacy. Really, it was mush...lol. I took my small remainder of soup, added leftover black beans, yellow squash, one potato, lima beans, red pepper and some mustard sauce. It wasn't bad or anything, it was just random and packed with fiber so, well, let's just say I'm going to the bathroom quite regularly. Nothing to be shy about. This morning Rachael RD and I were doing a homevisit. The little peanut we saw was a beautiful baby girl who was born prematurely at 16 weeks. She had a nasogastric tube going in her nose and down into her stomach. It made my heart ache for her because there is so much suffering in her life right now, but when she's older she won't really remember a thing. It's insane but I'm adding an extra prayer in my list tonight for her. Thinking of lists. I've been keeping a small moleskin journal with lists, upon lists, upon lists inside of it. I keep it on my nightstand so that before I go to bed I write down 5-10 or more "good" things. Mostly things that make me happy, things or people I love, just "good" things. I'll share mine with you tonight 1) Polka dots 2) Strangers becoming friends 3) Empty glass milk jugs 4) Pretty pictures of me 5) Songs that help me dance again 6) Dance 7) Being dipped in dance 8) Stars tonight 9) Watching Scott Pilgram 10) Sunshine and 11) Memories. See? Easy. They make sense to me and they may not to you but I suggest you give it a try. Things that others tell me are insane bring me clarity. Tonight, those things are just fine, I am feeling good tonight and I am ready and excited to move to Grand Rapids. Sunset, J.

Ch6:Pg13: Why it rains

I have to write quick tonight. Today was a long day that I'm very thankful is over now. I got to skype with Aby and then with Sam which has made the night less quiet and full of more laughter than my normal nights. Not that I don't laugh but it's not the same. I need to start packing for Grand Rapids and I don't know where to start. I finally found a cat sitter thank goodness and my run today went well. Sorry this is just an update on my day and nothing else too special. Sam and I reminised about our year together as RAs. I miss that time. I miss a lot. Missing things, however, doesn't bring them back. Tonight, I really miss the rain. Especially running in it and throwing my body against a soggy mattress because mattress. Tonight, I really miss the rain. J.

Ch6:Pg12: Between the Raindrops

WIC, WIC, WIC...and WIC. There's a lot that frustrated me today and though I can't go into detail of it here and now, I'm just glad I have an outlet. My preceptor Rachael and I got to start in Mount Pleasant today and venture up to Houghton Lake for the afternoon. While I'm glad it was sunny outside and our day was very relaxed, my body (mainly my knees) was feeling the aftermass of my horrid run yesterday. Running on ice sucked and my ankles and knees hurt a lot today. Never the less, I did some incline training at the gym and also did Jillian Michael's, "Killer Buns and Thighs" level 1 work out. Even her level 1 work outs kick your ass. Anywho. I'm developing more and more ideas for my future blog and can't wait for summer time. I hope to have a job and I hope my classes go well. I'm really looking forward to being back to "book" school as this year has been all hands on learning (mainly). I'd like to find a house to live in but I'm wary of roommates verses living on my own which I've grown way more accustomed to. I'll focus on that later though when I find out where I can move to depending on jobs, etc. I got to talk with my dear friend Pedro in Madrid, Spain today! He was awake when I was headed to the gym. He is my Spaniard sister's boyfriend and I love and miss them both so much. He told me they were working on a song for my race and it brought me to tears at the thought of it. On that note, I'm overwhelmed and overjoyed but the variety and magnitude of songs given to me by my friends and family. I believe I mentioned it before and now it is on facebook, but I've asked any friend of mine to send me a song that reminds them of me, could remind me of them or is just a "keep going!" kind of song. Some songs hold personal memories that only that person shares with me and some are ones that will keep me going as push me farther than I thought possible. I'm already considering continuing training and going for the full marathon this fall. What have a got to lose? Hopefully nothing. Friends who have sent me songs, posted them on my wall, texted or whatever....thank you, already. They all mean so, so much to me and have really touched my heart. The day before race day, (April 12th) you won't want to miss my post. That will also be the week before my last round of posts for this internship blog. I cannot believe after this week, I have 6 weeks to go. It's wonderful and I cannot wait to be done. I hope to continue to get songs from you and I hope to see some faces come April 13th on the big day. Until then, I would like to go prepare my lunch for tomorrow and sleep early. I made a "Potato Apple Brie" soup for this week and it's hard not to eat more of it now! Happy spring break to those on trips or taking time for themselves, lord knows we all need to do that sometimes. I am a little jealous of my fellow travelers but alas, we do not get spring break as interns. Oh well, I'd like a break but that would extend the internship longer so it's a pretty fair trade off. Riding the waves, J.

Ch6:Pg11: Slipping back

Did you miss me readers? Probs not terribly, I was only absent for the weekend. I don't write consistently on the weekends and I like it that way. A recap: I went snow shoeing which was really awesome, I definitely want snow shoes of my own next year. I ran 8 miles with my sister (this weekend I will run ....12 dun dun dunn) and we were chased by multiple dogs. We are a dog family and I absolutely love dogs. When I was little, however, I was attacked by a dog once and fell off my bike as it snapped at me. This has probably scarred me more than we knew it would as when these dogs run after us and are barking at our heels my adrenaline is pumping like no one's business. My mom took us out to dinner and to see Silver Linings Playbook. That movie really impacted me and as Sam and I discussed at night, the end of it, albeit cheesey (SPOILER ALERT), when he just says, "I'm sorry it took me so long for me to catch up." She replies, "Okay." And things are okay and things are simple and they love each other and it's realistic and not hollywood. I could go on about that movie but I'm not ready to write that post yet, stay tuned. Moving on, my dad was home this weekend which was great and we all go to spend lots of time together and with the puppies. They are getting SO big and I can't wait to see them again soon. I'm in my last week of public health. I need to pack to move to Grand Rapids and I need to do, well, a big long list of things. I thought tonight about time and how maybe the "now" and things that are happening "now" are the kind of overarching things that indicate something bigger. Something stronger and maybe things will slip back in a matter of time. It's the idea of feeling lost but relieved to have that comfort even if it's just for one more moment and you don't know when you'll have it again. I go back to November today and I hope to lose myself in my dreams tonight and I hope for more sunshine. Fight back, J.

Ch6:Pg10: Yes, I still care.

I'm not having an easy time starting this entry today. I had a terrible headache last night and when I tried to read my eyes were dry and straining to focus. That lasted for about, oh, two seconds and I finally fell asleep. Sleep is nice when you want to forget and leave earth behind for a little while. The sun came and a new day arrived as they always do. I jump back pretty quickly after a rough day or night. I packed quickly and definitely needed coffee to get me started today. I started applying for a variety of housing for the near future. Rachael RD and I did some home visits today and it made me want to run to an adoption center. So many kids that deserve so much better. Not all kids going through WIC are in bad circumstances, I'm not saying that at all. In fact, we meet a lot of great families and nice moms and great kids who are growing so well and developing well too. Sometimes, we meet families though and it's just...difficult. My hormones kick in and say DUDE BABY TIME. THen I"m like um no, not now. But don't worry hormones, someday. Someday I'll be starting a family and I look forward to that day. I'm home now and I'm really tired from this week. Playing with the puppies was lots of fun and Kelsey and I are going snow shoeing tomorrow. I know this isn't a very guided or exciting post. A lot of them are similar to this and I'm surprised my audience is what it is but I'm thankful for it's steady growth. Here's something exciting. I'm in the works for my future blog/site as an RD. In less than 4 months I hope to have passed my exam and have my license. I'm nervous for the test but that's because I haven't started studying a lot yet. I've got ideas for posts and concepts and titles and all sorts of things. I try to brainstorm for at least 20 minutes a day. May not sound like a lot but it's all I can give right now. My time is so divided into internship needs and training and then a little social life in there. The cabin yesterday was fun :) and it made my lunch today a zillion times better. I am down to seven more weeks of internship. After next week I get to move to Grand Rapids for a little while. I hope to explore some future options there and I'm really excited to live with my sissy for a while. ANywho, I'm really exhausted as I said and so I leave you with a quote as per my usual :) "I may dissect each little thing and put myself out there so much but at least that means that I still care." Yes, I still care, J.