Ch3:Pg49: Maybe it's love

Helhjärtat. Wholehearted. I've been discussing tattoos lately readers. Why do I want one? The two I'm considering are two things I try to remind myself of daily when I question why I am the way I am. Helhjärtat means whole hearted and to me that speaks to my nature as a human being. I don't know that I've ever gone into something without my full heart. I try very hard to do things with my whole heart, ears, brain, eyes...you name it. It means to forgive wholeheartedly and say it like you mean it. It means to love fiercely, to never stop believing in yourself and others. I asked a friend recently about something like this. He told me I'm stubborn and he also said this "You are just strength incarnate and that is fucking incredible." That made bells go off in my mind while I was cleaning up my apartment. Everyone likes to be told something like that, it's just reassurance, it's human nature to want. To be wholehearted for me, means to be whole in strength, determination..a fighter till the end. I continue to fight each day. Whether this is for myself or for whatever but I fight. Unfortunately I felt scatter brained today at the internship and had to fight to keep patient's straight but that's a whole other story. So. Wholeheartedness. Have passion even if you don't know what it is toward, have it. Even when you don't have anything to put it towards, have it. I discussed heart healthy dieting with multiple patients today. I talked about how "No sea salt really isn't any better for you" & "No eating out of a box, can and bag is generally not as good" & "No I am not a stripper." Yes I had a patient ask me that and I don't know if I was more offended or grossed out. Anywho. In those moments of tips and education I put passion into what I'm doing. I listen to them and try to focus in on what they're telling me. Ever feel like you're listening to someone but you zone right away from their voice? This happens to me and generally I'll just tell you look I stopped like 5 minutes ago please tell me again. Whatever. What I'm getting at is that I would like any one reading to keep trying to wholeheartedly go for whatever it is you're going for. Even if you don't know what it is and even if things are hard. Just also keep in mind that we're human and sometimes we do give up ourselves. In the moments when you do, let someone know so that they can share their rays of sunshine. I really don't know quite all what I'm getting at. I saw something a long time ago that I wonder if it still exists. I wonder it everyday. I'm human. I think about the what if's and the is it my fault's and did I do this or say this the way I wanted to's. I still am not quite sure what I'm getting at here...but I think it's also important to know that even when your whole heart is there, sometimes that's all. Sometimes it's just there. So what am I holding onto wholeheartedly? Myself.