Ch3:Pg36: Misery and Magic

Before you read what I wrote today, an entry I'm very fond of, Happy Birthday Mom :) You brought me into this world and I will always work to bring you joy and happiness because I am the woman I will become because you brought me here. Continue. Sometimes I run so I don't have to think. Sometimes I run to think. Sometimes I run to figure it out. Sometimes I just run. I ran today in shorts and a long sleeve shirt. How often is it 60 degrees in December? Not very often, let me tell you. Monday ran across this page so quickly it's almost time to wake up with Tuesday and forget about today. It was a seemingly quick day at the hospital, but I feel like I didn't do anything. I calculated TPNs and Tube feedings all day. It's great practice but it made the day feel funny. I felt really bloated today too which was obnoxious and decided that instead of going to the gym I would enjoy the beautiful temperature and run. I felt like a weight at the bottom of the ocean sinking farther into the sand getting dragged by a large boat ready to dock. This is not an exaggeration. My body didn't like pushing through the bad feelings, the thoughts, the tingling in my thighs, the burning of my skin and the running of my nose. Never the less, I ran. I ran because today I really needed to listen to music, hear my heart beat and just run away from everything in a physical sense. "I didn't always know what I wanted to do, but I knew the woman I wanted to be." This could possibly be a tattoo one day, relax mom and dad and friends, it's in the making and everyone knows I take a long time to make decisions...right. Well just saying. That quote was running through my mind on my run, yes punny. I'm not always going to know what to do in each situation to make it result in an ideal outcome. I'm going to always try and be the woman I know I want to become. If you lose something, everything or feel like you're not sure of where you're going... Simply think about the man or woman you want to become. The one you idealize and fantasize about becoming. Is it a powerful CEO? Is it a role model to students or your future children? Is it a dear friend to all or a man who becomes the hero one day? Whoever the man or woman or both that you want to be, never lose site of that. Even if you're running away from feelings or anything else, know that you'll always have you and you already are the man or woman you will become. Thanks Monday, I'll catch you in a week.