Ch3:Pg34: Capable and Scared

Confidence. Today at the hospital we discussed how lately we're surrounded by death and dying. It's happening a lot and I know too many people who are recently getting sick and sicker, or know people who know people who are experiencing it...etc. I'm not accustomed to deaths really. I wasn't old enough to remember the last of my grandparents passing away and only vaguely do I remember my Aunt Pam passing though I dream about her sometimes. Those are always some of my favorite dreams and every day I have them I tell my dad I saw her. I may not be accustomed to death but I still wish she were here. While at the hospital though, I am around people who may not all be in pain but when you can see the pain it's almost easier because you don't want someone to be suffering in pain. Today I talked with a cancer patient and she predicted who I was without knowing. She said, "I bet you're a dietitian! You look so healthy and strong." We had a really nice conversation and I helped her with increasing protein/calories in her diet at home. I get more confidence in my position at the hospital each day but I'll probably always have questions. Isn't that how it should go? Seek confidence and be full on knowledge but never stop asking questions and never stop learning. After work I went to the gym and then to the grocery store where I bought red. No not the new T-Swift album I already have that but after I left I realized I bought red potatoes, red bell peppers, strawberries and a powerade that was pink. Whatever. SO I came home and made some noms and skyped with my pal Sam :) I miss that girl and can't wait for winter break to see her! She said something to me though, about me, and I couldn't have said how I feel better myself. It's how I feel so shouldn't I be able to? Not always the case. We talked about my confidence in connection and fierce belief in something. I found it really fascinating, hence why I'm adding it here. Oh, I mentioned to you you'd get to see a little piece of my old journals. The title? From my 10th grade journal I wrote, "Capable? Anyone is. Scared? Everyone is." At the time I wrote it, I wasn't having the best of years. I write it and remember it every so often when it comes into play again. So think about it and see what it means for you. Just don't steal it without giving me credit, I never stole it and it's a "quote" haha that I have confidence in. I'm not sure how that came across but I'm not worried about it. Confidence is what is an underlying factor in how I feel, you could call it faith or a stubborn or sturdy backbone, but mostly..yes, Sam. You're right, it's confidence in how strongly I feel. This is an interesting thought process for me and I'm happy with how Thursday treated me. Here comes Friday, you took long enough.