Ch5:Pg9: Can we drive?

Thursday came and has gone away. Work today was really nice Kati and I chatted about the very controversial argument occuring on tweetchat #RDchat last night. We worked out our to-do lists and it felt like a very productive day. I got to kill some time paroosing through Target and Dick's sporting goods only to leave unsatisfied. Before I entered target I think I had the biggest adrenaline rush I've ever experienced and needed to walk very slowly through the store and aimlessly too. THEN I got to have dinner and be hugged and talk to and laugh with some truly awesome people at Larzelere Hall. Oh boy did the memories flood black. I love everyone I got to see today, I got so many hugs and you look great's and it all felt so great to be "home." Thank you for swiping me into the cafe Kenzie! :D Larzelere isn't what it used to be for me, which is okay seeing as I don't live there anymore..but it was very nice to be back and feel safe and sound and welcomed. In a few years no one will know me there and that's a really interesting thought. To those who I saw today there and who are reading now, I teared up after I walked down those steps away from it all. Memories upon memories upon more memories flooded me and drowned me with thoughts and smiles and tears and change and well, let's just leave it at the fact that it was emotional for me and I'm glad I got to see them all today and be back where I was for the last four years. Changing directions to driving. Oh driving, I'm getting better at you all the time. Tonight I drove through Blizzard Nemo where for a while it was alright and then closer to Midland there was no road. At least not one that I could see. I'm safe now and remained calm as I could despite my emotions creeping up like water trying to take over.I like driving and trips and being the passenger and just driving to drive. I also am enjoying music right now like Electric Feel and I'm grooving as I'm typing and preparing myself a snack. I feel like I could go in a couple different directions right now but since my previous postings have been longer I'll cut this one off here. "Sometimes, i look outside, and i think that a lot of other people have seen this snow before. Just like i think that a lot of other people have read those books before. And listened to those songs. I wonder how they feel tonight." Electric girl, -J

Ch5:Pg8: Can we get lost in the moments?

"I'm just a little bit caught in the middle, life is a game and love is a riddle." Delicate singing for a light day. The sun is shining and I wish it were a little warmer or that I had time to go for a nice walk and soak up some vitamin D. I've been evaluating my daily intake and the foods I'm typically eating because I'm curious to know if I'm low in any nutrients. Sometimes I get these waves of low blood sugars even after I've just eaten a bowl of cereal with vanilla Silk + almond slices. Kind of strange and they usually pass quickly. I bought the worst tasting "Mio Energy" water flavorer ever. Never ever buy green thunder. It's not electrifying it just makes my stomach rumble with nausea and indigestion. My sister is much more sensitive to fake sugars than I am and generally I can handle a little splenda when baking or 1 packet in coffee or iced tea. This Mio Energy claims it gives you energy most likely linked to it having some B vitamins and caffeine. I call bull shit and it tastes crappy too (sorry Mio, I like some of your other flavors). I'm definitely feeling like I'm getting enough water in during the day especially when active /running so much, but like many other people I get bored with the taste so I try to flavor it up. I should just buy lemons and limes and go all natural, I have issues with pulp that I need to get over first. Hmm what else for today...it's half way through the week and I got Froyo with Rachell last night which was delightful. Froyo is so yummy especially when you load it with all the fresh fruit they have there (hello Kiwi!) and it was the perfect dinner ish/snack. Rachell and I have this habit of getting injured or going to urgent care (far too often) and we often pass this bad luck back and forth. Rachell's taken two hits and I'm just walking with tender step so to avoid unwanted trips to the doctor. Today is the first day that I woke up and didn't have new mouth sores and I didn't have a lot of pain in my mouth either thank goodness. That's a relief though I still need to know what's going on with them. The song, "The Show" played at the store this morning (thanks, Pandora) and I love how playful the tune is and the sincerity in Lenka's voice. I do feel caught in between multiple rocks and multiple hard places which is easily complained as "UNFAIR" but I'm moving around in them the best I can and as well as I can be expected to. Training for this half marathon helps me find some cracks in the rocks and build up while I break them down. Running is one of my one and only vices right now that I'm extremely grateful to for the ability to quiet my mind and just move my body. This morning I ran 4 miles (training stepped it up this week) and tried to do some speed training in there as well. I really have a hard time speed training, especially when it's snowy/slippery. I hope to see some familiar faces at race day (April 13, and yes I will plug that date in here often). I saw a neat idea on pinterest (of course) to have your friends choose a song that will be included on your playlist for race day. It could be a song they love, a song that reminds them of you or whatever reason they want. I'd like to do this, then I'll make the playlist with their names in the title so I'll know who is running with me at that moment. Cool huh? Very. Hmmph, well I should work through some other sings, hum and sing and print and cut and continue playing through the games and solving the riddles. Caught, -J

Ch5:Pg7: Can we cook?

I want someone to cook for me goodness do I miss that. I miss cooking for other people not that I have done it a whole lot in my past but I miss sharing that meal with someone else. The more I experiment in the kitchen and take pictures of my food to try and "share" it with others, the more I want to cook for people so I"m not the only one judging my new creations. Maybe I'm the only one who likes spinach pasta (it was on clearance at the grocery store yesterday and I was like uh Yes PLEASE). I feel awkward saying this but I bought a pear and I don't know what to do with it. I've never eaten a pear, I don't know how to eat it even if there is no proper way. I bought pearl onions because I think they're delicious so later tonight might be a frozen vegetable/pearl onion night. I woke up at 6 this morning so I could work out before coming in early to thePlate Boutique. My strawberries didn't last as long as I tried to stretch them for so right now I'm hungry but satisfied by the new greek yogurt 2x protein I tried. 150 calories but it packed a protein punch for sure. My mind keeps wandering to Max and Emilys as I planned to eat there today, their sandwiches always taste so fresh and are flavored in ways I wouldn't have thought of on my own. I'm starting to pull ideas to keep my meals varying but it can be difficult when you're on your own. Just something to put a little more time and effort into. Effort, now there's something to tackle. Life is effort and the amount you're willing to put into it will often be apart of your outcome. I've been going back into some old, but good, ways as to how I approach certain issues or when I'm listening or asked for advice. However, I posted a quote that really resonates with me as a person and on this issue of giving advice, understanding people, and having faith. The quote reads, "All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love." For me this really hits home because it is who I am. I love. I love to love and to never stop. I love to care about people and I love that I have a big forgiving heart. It's important to have a lot of love because we're all going to face obstacles in life that effect the way we love (be it ourselves or others). It's important to keep love close to your heart no matter what type of love that is and no matter how you express it (love languages). I have fallen for making delicious meals for myself and not half assing them just because I'm on my own, egh not good enough. I need to enjoy my time alone and do what I can to make the best of it and if part of that is cooking new exciting meals then so be it. P.s. I forgot how much I adore home baked no salt tortilla chips, I don't care that they're $2 more. Well, I'm kind of getting off topic but then again what was the topic? Cooking? Mm, yes. I learned that pureeing garlic cloves in with olive oil and avocado really brought out that garlic taste (delicious) and I wouldn't have known that if I hadn't tried a new thing. While I'm really thankful for the cookbooks I've acquired I try to go through their recipes and mix and match them! They've been a real help in learning new cooking methods, new mixtures and portioning for one instead of two or more. That's all for today, since everything I understand, I understand because I love, know that sometimes I still don't have a clue. I understand why I am the way I am and how it relates to love but no, I don't have my life all together and no, I don't know what my future looks like. I just want to cook, so can we? Whipping out the cute apron for no great reason other than it's cute, -J

Ch5:Pg6: Can we dance?

Monday. I slept awfully and woke up many times throughout the night only to find it harder to fall asleep each time I woke up. I gave up around 7 and got ready to run a five mile loop. I was proud of the time (52 minutes) as I didn't think I was running that quickly and I probably looked like I was melting/dying the majority of the time because well that's just how my face looked. I got to relax a bit this morning after the run and eventually packed up and headed to Mount Pleasant. Worked on a new product review and learned some more about the internet and it's behind the scenes businesses. I'm starting to brainstorm ideas for my blog when I become an RD. I want to make sure I'm ready to commit to one because once I start I feel it would be a shame to quit. By that I mean I would feel ashamed. I'll share my brainstorms when they're ready to be shared. I grocery shopped but didn't need much. I made an avocado paste with olive oil and garlic and used that as dressing for my spinach pasta noodles. It was pretty tasty and I've not done very much with avocados and I'm trying to try something new each week. I keep looking at rutabagas and think that they will be next on my list of things to try. I struggled today coming back to my quiet apartment, really craving to just have somebody here with me to sit in person and talk with, laugh with, talk with. I repeat talk because I'm in a let's talk about everything and anything mood. I texted with Rachell a bit who sadly was seeing Urgent care again (WAY TOO OFTEN) and I'm praying she doesn't have any torn ligaments. I can't wish that upon anyone and in fact I just hope she doesn't have that..I don't want to go back to that time right now but fingers crossed it is something else. Or something that will heal more easily. I skyped with Samantha though our video never works right but it's closer to having someone in my apartment. We talked for a long time and that's always wonderful. We discussed being honest as friends not just like honest with each other but honest about how we feel and who we are. There is not point to pussy foot around how you feel, it's how you feel damnit and it demands to be felt. So feel it. Phew. I'm exhausted honestly. I'm also getting tired through the internship. Steam is running a little low and like I put in one of my first posts, "the internship is going to be harder than any year in college you have faced thus far." Check. Okay okay I know readers you get it, it's hard. I'm just tired and taking it out on this blog which is not the best but whatever. I'm done for tonight. I look forward to running more and more. I look forward to being done with this internship. I look forward to actually having a job. I look forward to what I'm fighting for. Can we dance? -J

Ch5:WeekendA2: Locked out. Nosferatu?

Vampires? Can you lock them in their coffins and put garlic around the house? Can you close the holes where their bites left you drained? Can you watch strength grow as blood slips away? Damnit Dr. Weinstock I learned too much about them in that class (thanks, btws). Vampires are by definition mythological or folkloric beings who subsist by feeding on the life essence of living creatures, regardless of whether they are undead or a living person/being. That being said I don't feel comfortable going through the many other ways a vampire can be interpreted and created and written about. One way I like to explore how I feel about something is to ask questions about it (see the first three sentences of this post). Can you just lock your doors to a vampire or do they always find a way in? Or did you on "accident" leave the window unlocked? Regardless it's MY blood and you can't have it. I'm sure this seems like a very different kind of approach to my posts than most of you have seen. I don't have any specific approach towards this blog except to write about what I'm feeling or think about or eat or do. Whatever. I did promise I'd talk about Forks over Knives so I'll include that hear too. F's over K's: A documentary sweeping the nation about eating a completely plant based diet and the alarming and incredible research behind it. Now, I'm not a vegan but this documentary (even as a dietetic student) started to sway me. It definitely helps me not want to think about restaurant food for a while...Regardless, I don't know that switching to a completely plant based diet is necessary for all human beings. I do think there is an overabundance of obesity happening and heart diseases and cancers that (as this documentary was saying) can be prevented through a plant based diet and healthy lifestyle. Okay doesn't that sound like common sense? Maybe not the plant part but healthy lifestyle? Come on that's life 101. That doesn't mean healthy lifestyles guarantee you are heart disease free or cancer free, certainly too many healthy men, women, children, families and loved ones have been affected by these diseases and have wondered what more they could have done. There's no one answer here but I was extremely fascinated by this documentary's research about cancer growth and plant based diets decreasing it. I can't go into statistics here but please take the time to rent it or visit their websites. I, as a future registered dietitian, promise to never force a plant based diet down your throat. No, I just don't think it works that way. However, incorporating more plant based foods into the diet in conjuncture with animal based products is a healthy transition. Perhaps going for the commonly phrased, "Meatless Mondays" or "Tofu Tuesdays." It's okay if you can't make a complete switch, I'm not telling you to but consider the amount of processed foods you eat on a day to day basis. I honestly can't remember the last time I ate a granola bar (aside from the home made ones Aby created) (not that granola bars are bad). I look in my pantry and see crackers for soup, fruit snacks, pastas, a couple of canned products and oatmeal (I haven't grocery shopped today) and my fridge is full of vegetables, homemade soups and fruits. It's not a whole lot of processed crap. I certainly don't eat out as much as I used to in my early college years and I certainly am making smarter choices when dining out as well. I just want to fuel my body in a healthy way and not give it garbage and not treat it like trash. People tend to think, eating healthy costs more and while it would take too long for me to explain how much I fight this, if you feel this way I will prove it to you individually that you can "eat healthy" on a tight budget. I will grocery shop with you if that's what it takes. Just, don't become something just because you want to, become something just to become. Fight for it. As for me, I promised. -J P.S. I really can't handle that photo I uploaded to this post. Fucking scares me.

Ch5:WeekendA: I'm travelling back

"You have to do everything you can, you have to work your hardest, and if you do, if you stay positive, you have a shot at a silver lining." Sometimes music is my power source when it comes to my long runs on Saturdays. 8.4 miles today readers...I'm impressed by myself because I always thought, "Oh yeah, one day I'll run a half marathon, goal in the next like five or ten years." No. I'm changing that, oh one day I'll do this, mantra by going for the things that I want to achieve. I still have struggles we all will, but it's not going to stop me from getting through the training. I want to share with you what was going through my mind sporatically during my long run: This running belt isn't too uncomfortable, I hate these headphones, songs of hope make me brave, maybe running with potential stomach flu wasn't the best idea, what was the point of carrying my water on my belt if it was going to freeze, oh good the gatorade isn't frozen, the other half of my banana (I ate half before my run) is going to fuel me?, how slow was I going geeze look at the time, time to pick up my pace, I'm scared, my neck hurts from my frozen hankerchief, thank goodness I put vaseline on my lips and around my nose, my nipples hurt, are those spots I'm seeing or is it mascara?...Thoughts post run: my nipples hurt, my finger nails are a little purple, these red patches all over my body itch, I'm freezing, (I sat down on the couch and wrapped myself in a blanket) *tries to stand up* CRASH. To the ground my knees were in so much pain I felt like the Tinman., why is my knee cap dark?, 8.4 miles...., my shower can't get hot enough right now, Muscle Milk just saved me, I still feel sick. ---So readers, I hope you got a chuckle out of some of my thoughts. Did any spark any thoughts for you? How about the "I'm Scared?" What was I scared about? There were a few things, one was the pain in my knee joints, it scares me to have pain and I get a bit of anxiety about it. I'm scared I am following my heart and it could lead me in the wrong direction. I'm scared that I keep switching plans for the future about possible jobs. I'm scared that I won't be the nutrition expert I'm learning to be. I'm scared that I'll fight and it won't be worth it in the end. "I have fear," I thought during my run because it's a simple human feeling that seemed to captivate me for a stretch of the run. However, it doesn't scare me to be scared. I don't think people think often enough about what honestly scares them. Try the writing prompt, "I don't want to write about _______." For me it helps list some of my deepest and truest feelings. Give it a shot and don't be afraid of your fears. I just finished watching Forks over Knives, I think I'll save my opinions and thoughts on that for tomorrow, I jotted down some notes but I want it to soak in and get under my skin a little more. It's definitely worth your time to watch it and visit their website. From their site (or I should say from a Pin that Kelsey pinned to her wall) I printed out their pumpkin hummus recipe. It's delicious and I'm glad I felt strong enough after my run to make it because despite eating well after the run and drinking my muscle milk (thank you Kels for the reminder) I really wish someone else had been here today to make food for me. First world problems, I know. But I don't feel well and I have stress that comes in spurts and worries, fears, hopes, dreams and everything in between that I would like to share with you again. I try to keep busy and on a day like today busy was napping, reading, eating, watching Big Bang Theory, finishing some photos of my sister and her fiance (: and pinning (of course). It's closing in on midnight now, followers, and while I feel I could write on tonight I should just leave with the plop of a cherry on top. “Some things are destined to be -- it just takes us a couple of tries to get there.” Nauseous, J.

Ch5:Pg5: You're special

Friday? Try flyday. Today flew away from me. I woke up a little after 6:30 so I could run a few miles and do some extra strength training (AKA Ab Ripper X lol) while allowing myself ample time in the morning to relax. The time ticked and I left for Mount Pleasant and worked at thePlate Boutique on some materials and learned more about Nutrition Communications/Entrepreneurship. As I've stated repeatedly, I am enjoying my time there and I'm also finding that these 3-week rotations are going to pass by quickly. I had a really nice talk with my mom on my way back to my apartment. It's okay to fight and not know what else to do and to trust my heart. It's okay to fight she told me. Moving along, I made the same delicious meal I created last night (Spinach pasta noodles, a pepper, an onion, garlic and garlic&basil sauce) and thoroughly enjoyed being out of the cold and cozy under my blankets in my magenta sweet pants and Big Bang Theory season four at hand. I just made hot chocolate and found that dunking saltines into it is quite delicious! Salty, chocolately, what could go wrong? Tomorrow I'm psyching myself up for the 8 mile run. I didn't have much to complain about the 7 miler but 8 seems like a much larger number to me, even if it's just tacking on one additional mile. Kelsey reminded me that the 7 meant I was running over half of the half marathon and it's crazy to me that in 5 weeks I have gone from standardly only running 3-4 and maybe an occasional 5 miler, to running 8. Next week it's 9 then 10..11, 12 and a practice half marathon. It's also important to note that after tomorrow's run I am officially 1/3 of the way through training. Meaning 11 more weeks of the internship are left and 10 more weeks until the Gazelle Girl Half Marathon. After that it's continued training as I run the Fifth Third River Bank Run 25k (15 miles). Maybe I'll just transition right into marathon training. I love the longer it takes to run distance because as I've said before my mind gets quiet. Todays run there was more noise in my mind that I would have liked but I took it with a grain of salt. With the sun rising upon me I felt powerful and my muscles felt like air. A runner's high, if you will. It's a good feeling. It's like the little things. The good things. You miss them and when they're back you might grin from ear to ear or stop running and look up at the sky and feel more than small. "You're special. I wish you could see what I see." -J